Chapter 219 - FLASHBACK. Osier Is Gone

It took me decades, decades, to slowly accept what I became. It was a gradual process—there was no clear revelation—and it didn't help that most people to whom I opened my true nature grew as pale as I am with fear. But one just couldn't hate themselves forever. Humans could hate themselves until they die; I had no desire to get killed, and enough power to avoid it.

I wasn't able to tell the exact moment this ache in my soul disappeared, but one day I found it gone, and realised that there was more in the world that I let myself see—and more in me, too. I had powers and talent for using them, but never let myself develop it truly. The entire world was here for me to see, except for the parts I would have to travel on a ship to. (let's just say that ships invoke some terrible memories in me, and stop at that here. I'd be happy to tell that story another time, but I already distracted myself here), but I never left even my country.

In a way, nothing much had changed after that. I still enjoyed my life in simple ways, because I found that there was no reason not to. I still helped people when an opportunity arose, because I wasn't an egoist who didn't care about other people at all, even if they were strangers with fleetingly brief lives, no matter what Maria had tried to instill in me, and no matter what I believed after my transformation.

But in other ways… My gravitation towards women as my source of blood—and entertainment, too—made me notice things about their position in society. This was a sort of thing Maria didn't preach about—but I knew it affected her deeply, and even now I believe that her treatment of men was a revenge of sorts. I wonder if she's still at it, now that women are men's equals.

Probably.

Either way, after all that Maria did to me, I felt compelled to… prove her wrong, you can say. To show, even if she couldn't see, that men aren't just users of women, the man in question being me. Sad thing was, I WAS a user of women, wasn't I? I seduced, took, and left, often wiping out even a memory of myself.

So from then on, even if it was more of an effort, even if it was riskier in many ways, I took my time with women that caught my fancy. I became not just their lover—I was their friend. It was always a short friendship, as I never risked staying with a single person for too long, for our both sakes, but it was still a hundred times more fulfilling than the empty existence I lived before.

And, it opened me a new side of women, too. I realised something that probably was obvious to you, born and raised in this century, but not so obvious to me.

Women weren't a separate species from men. No! In fact, when you looked closer, any differences between them were superficial. Yet, they were pushed down by the men around them, hidden and silenced…

You'd be surprised how many women I've met never met a man who'd listen to their "foolish female problems" with the same patience and support as their girlfriends before me. It was just sad when you thought about it.

And when I knew their problems, I could help them, too. It became a way of life for me, to see and solve troubles of the women I've met as I travelled across the world. And it was never boring. It wasn't my only entertainment in life—I picked plenty of them over the centuries. I found at some point that I liked to help humans build lasting things: governments, trade empires, though not actual buildings.

The only time I've met Maria again was when most vampires of Europe gathered to fight against Dragon's forces, and I was proud that I could not even blink when she called me by the name she gave me, Osier. Like it was someone else she was calling out for—a person who had waned into nothing long ago, while I, Jean-Jacques, stood in his place, with no ties to either my family line or my sire.

That annoyed her some… Or maybe it was just instinct. Either way, she didn't pursue me after that, just like she never did after I left. And good riddance.

⠀⠀

When JJ fell silent at last, it took me a few more seconds to draw myself out of the world he had weaved with his words—a world of past.

"Thank you for sharing this with me." I raised my eyes at him. He was looking at the grey horizon, but at my words, his gaze focused at me. I gave him a joking smile. "It's always women who bring you trouble, JJ, isn't it?"

"It appears to be so, ma chèrie." He returned my smile with one of his own. "I don't even know why I wanted to tell this story… Maybe I just wanted to say that you were lucky to meet me now and not back then. Or maybe that even if I met you back then, I wouldn't have appreciated you like I do now…"

"Things happened as they did." I shrugged. "Wondering about what ifs is a waste of time, if you ask me. Not that wasting time is a crime, since I fully intend to live forever and hope that you do, too, but," I grinned, "one could waste time on something more pleasant at least."

To show just what I meant, I raised my lips to his in a gentle kiss. JJ responded with the same softness, one that instead of heat of lust and passion brought out the warm tingles of affection and love.

But more of them came from the look JJ sent at me when we separated again. Then, he stood up, forcing me to stand up too, and gave me a wry smile.

"After all this, I'm sure you'd wish to get back home as soon as possible. So do I. Sadly, the sun is up, and running with an open umbrella will just break it.. Unless you want to wait for the night, we would have to walk back on foot… But I can still carry you."