34 A Brad's State of Mind Pt. 3

The day started just like yesterday. Cloudy. Windy. Chilly.

The rustling leaves woke me up before my alarm went off.But it was a pleasant feeling that I opened my eyes with nature whispering into my ears and not a shrilling mechanical sound my alarm clock made. I turned over on my back and stretched my limbs to force life into them. The sore left arm could never go as high as my right arm. But that didn't stop me from pleasuring myself.

Admitting that fact, I smiled myself while still stretching my body when the alarm finally went off. The shrill metal sounds ruined the mood but gave me enough courage to cast away the bedsheet and step into the bathroom.

I still had three hours before I needed to go to work, so I decided to fill the bathtub with hot water and added some bath salts for good luck. I turned on the speakers in the living room and played the latest album by P.A.

With the backdrop of her lengthy 22-song album, I stripped myself and stood naked in front of my mirror. I looked at my body, that hadn't been touched by Maddy for the past two months. I looked at my breasts; they had returned to their original size. There was no sign of bite or scratch marks. I looked at my vaginal area; no sign of vigorous play. It was shaven but was not taken advantage of. It smelled nice, but nobody could ever know. I closed my eyes, threw these issues in the back of my head, and dipped myself in the bathtub that actually waited for me.

It had been eight months since Maddy started her university studies. It was difficult to see her go away, but it was for a good cause, and I let her. as per plan, she pleaded for the manager's position and was granted. That led her to more control over the expansion. She used her skills to boost up the sales further, making it possible to open our branches in India, Japan, China and Russia. That meant she was also called to London on various occasions. She was the one of the advisors who contributed in the change of our older business model. Meanwhile I was given control of one more branch of manufacture, and I was having difficulty on the simplest of tasks too.

Everything was going down the toilet by the minute. There was certain hints of dropping me from the Board of Directors for the company. I resisted heavily, and the matter was settled. But the murmurs were still in the air.

All this stress had made me go crazy. I had started lashing out on my staff, injuring two of them at one point. Moreover, the part on Maddy's plate also kept her busy for the majority of the part. But I was thankful for her university that provided her distraction from the work load. I threw my head back on to the bathtub, letting it rest and making the bad thoughts sink even further.

I came out of the bathroom and went straight to the kitchen. I threw some eggs in a pan full of water and set it up on the stove. I called Maddy in the meantime. It rung thrice before the call connected.

"H**lo?"

"Hey Maddy! Can you hear me?"

"Bl**s**g? I c**t hea* you. Can y*u?"

"Mad, I cant hear you. Hello?"

"Hold on!! Yes, hi. How are you Blessing."

"Hey. I'm good. Where are you? You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. My car broke down."

"Well hurry up now or you'll be late for work."

After a brief pause Maddy said," I have taken a day off from work. You do the same too. I'll be at home in two minutes."

Madonna was near. And she had taken a day off. She suggested the same to me. She either wanted to have a wild raw sex, or she was having stomach trouble and wanted me to take care of her. Either way, more time spent with Madonna was always a good thing.

I was in the middle of my fantasies when I heard the main door open. Then I heard the inside door swing out too.

It was Madonna.

My eyes shone like marbles as I saw her walking towards the kitchen. Her pace was unsteady. She was huffing and puffing. And her face was stoic as ever. But she didn't come in the kitchen to hug me. She didn't even look at me when she passed. She bolted straight to our bedroom and locked the door behind her. I went to the bedroom and knocked on the door.

No response.

I called out her name.

Still nothing.

I wanted to cry in that moment.

Was she trying to bully me?

Was the distance that we had between us not good enough?

I was dejected and completely let down. So I walked bck into the kitchen and waited for my eggs to boil.

Madonna came out of the room roughly five minutes later and came to the kitchen. She stood next to me, her head resting on my arm. She tried to envelop me in her embrace, but I elbowed her in the gut to continue the distance that she had established.

Madonna stood there rubbing her abdomen when I said,"You need to start respecting me more, Madonna House. You have to understand that we have been lovers for a very long time. But that gives no right for you to chew and spit my emotions out. Even I…"

Madonna put her finger on my face to quiet me down. I looked at her face and saw tears dripping out. It was a conflicting idea to hold onto my ego, but I fought through it. When Madonna realized I was not going to budge, she took an envelope out of her back pocket and placed it infront of me before walking out of the front door.

I was perplexed at her actions. But I couldn't wait what was in the envelope. So, I waited for the locking sound on the main door before ripping it open.

There was a piece of paper in it that said: BLACK CAFFEINE, 1400 HOURS.

The message was simple. she wanted me to go to a local pub, but at 2 P.M. in the afternoon? Maybe she wanted to get wasted during the daytime. So I preserved the thought of doubt in my mind and called my office to grant myself a medical leave.

I reached the pub ten minutes before the said time. It was difficult to find it because it was my second time here. Me and Maddy partied her when she got promoted, but that seemed like ages ago. Before I entered the establishment, I dreamt of Maddy throwing me a party and having sex on the dance floor. But after the unique display earlier today, I was cautious of thinking about anything.

I went through the front door and entered a totally silent building. There was no stomping, no music, and no screaming. The local dealer of marijuana was not sitting next to the washrooms, and the bouncer was not throwing people out. In fact, I didn't sea any bouncer outside either. All I could hear was the faint clinkering of glasses coming from the bar. It was the most obvious location that I could find Madonna, so I walked directly towards it.

Funnily enough, I was right. I saw Madonna sitting there sipping on whiskey while making small talk with the bartender. When she noticed me, she whispered something in bartender's ear and moved away from the bar. I approached the bar and he immediately handed me a glass of soda. I asked him for the beer, but he said I needed permission from Madonna.

Completely pissed, I marched over to the table and slammed both of my hands over it, tipping over Madonna's whiskey.

With white hot anger I screamed, "What the hell is going on, Madonna?"

She smiled at me and nonchalantly and said," Take a seat, and I'll explain everything you want to know."

I begrudgingly sat across her while she ordered another drink for herself. Once she had the glass in her hands, she spoke again.

"I'll be going Blessing. I'll be going for a very long time. And I don't expect you to understand. But all the time we spent with each other, I care for you. And that is why you cant have a drink here. Because you have to drive back to home. And I'd prefer if you're sober while you do it."

"Its still too vague. Be clearer. Are you going on a school trip? Are you moving to Kathmandu? What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I am leaving you."

That sentence hit me like a bolt of lightning. It felt like it didn't register in my mind. Was she abandoning me?

I concentrated on these questions in my head that I forgot I was drooling.

Madonna said," Close your mouth and listen to me. I booked this whole club just to give you this news. Now, I only have this whole place for two more hours. So ask me anything in that time. I'll answer any and all of your questions."

I didn't have the strength to understand the words coming out of her mouth. I was still shell shocked by the previous statement of hers.

Leaving me.

Leaving ME?

"Why…"

"Why? That's all you can ask me? C'mon Blessing, you can do better than that."

I guess she waited for me to change my question. But when I sat still for a long time, she proceeded to answer my previous one.

"Well, you are an amazing person. You gave me a job. You gave me a house. You gave me your care. And that is all I needed to stand up after that messy debacle between me and Priscilla. Speaking of, you didn't tell her that I was in your care. Thank you for that."

"How… How did you know?"

"I have my ways, Blessing. I didn't spend five years with her dillydalling. Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand. I knew about your husband and bodyguard and whatnots. It all happened when I was planning my exit with Priscilla. but to find you in Nepal with your new company was a bonus. I started working for you, hoping that you'd actually tell Priscilla that I was working for you."

My tears had started pouring down my cheeks when I realized that being a good person to her had backfired. Now all I could think about was getting truth out of her.

"Why?" I repeated.

"When Priscilla and your company met for the sponsorship of Velocity, she was known as a naïve young woman with not much in the way of presentation. But I build trust with your partners and made something out of her. they knew that I was the one running the campaign. So if they knew that I was on their side, I would have sat in the major meetings much sooner. My controversy was in music business, and I had more than enough people to convince the higher ups in your company that I sacrificed my position for something grander. I would have been a martyr in your partners' eyes. But you didn't reveal it, and I had to wait for you to make a move. Which you did, after a whole eight or nine months."

I was trying to keep my sobs to myself. Madonna was a totally different person today. She was aloof and distant to my pathetic condition. But I asked another question.

"Why… Shaft?"

"Oh, you're talking about my fake last name. well, easy. Madonna house was one of the most recognizable name in the music industry. It would look bad if an artist like me went for a conventional job. It wouldn't look good on my resume. I actually wanted to work under you because you're too emotionally brittle. Asking you for favors was easy. You were still recuperating from your cheating husband. And you needed someone to lend you the shoulder. Voila."

My health bar was declining. My eyes were filled with tears. My head was read to explode. My body was becoming jittery. Still, I managed to squeeze one more question.

"Why… lie?"

The cheerful demeanor vanished in the thick air and Madonna spoke in a grave manner," It was not JUST about you. I had lost all my resources when I left Priscilla," she took a brief pause before she started talking at lower volume," I had mouths to feed. I had people to take care of. And I needed money fast and easy to do so. I don't expect you to understand, but it was not you who was in the wrong."

Madonna took a deep breath once more and returned back to her previous obnoxious way of talk," And there you have it. My saga with you, wrapped up in four paragraphs. Aren't I amazing?"

I realized that I was a complete fool. But I didn't want to lose Madonna before asking the real question.

"Why leave… Now?"

Madonna stood up, took out a cigarette and lighted it. She took a huge amount of nicotine in her body and puffed it out before she spoke.

"Because my goal is done. I will never have to come back to this country. And I can finally rest my mind. When I came to Pokhra around twenty months ago, I still had one installment left. Now, I have enough to complete my studies, and live my life as a remade person."

I was tired of her ambiguous responses, but I didn't want to touch her anymore. Instead I dug my nails into my arms to numb the pain Madonna was dragging me through.

I hope I never see you again

I head her footsteps fading away. And then, silence. The club was empty. Not even the bartender was present. It was just me, sitting at the table with the red eyes and scratched arms. Bloodied nails painted the picture of my present. And shivering legs reflected the fear that future held for me.

I balled up my hand and landed the fist in my face. Three out of four fingers landed on my nose.

I put some more strength in my fist and punched myself in the face once more, this time in between the eyes. It gave me a pretty good headache, but still nothing to be proud of.

Thus, I sat there at the table, punching various crevices of my face.

Punch. Broken Nose. PUNCH. Bloody Eye. PUNCH. Falling teeth. PUNCH. Blurred Vision.

PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH.

My husband was bisexual, and he cheated on me. My girlfriend was a homosexual and she used me.

When I realized the irony of the fact that I was the damaged goods, I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed through the pain of cracked teeth in my mouth. I laughed through the pain of clogged blood in my arm. I laughed through the broken nose that made my breathing hard.

All I could do is laugh. Laugh. LAUGH. LAUGH! LAUGH!! LAUGH!!!

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