Chapter 42 - 42

Brandon's p.o.v

I left the cafe in a hurry as my heart could no longer bear the pain of not being remembered by my love. It was okay for me back then when he hated me even if his hatred was misplaced. At least he knew that I existed and showered his feelings on me be it love or hate. But now, he doesn't even know who I am or that we had met and fell in love at some point and this pain is unbearable.

I wish that I could go back to the future and never make the decision to fix anything. If not then I should at least find a way to warn my future self from making this mistake in haste. The past is not as it was and it has changed so much, I would rather have that other life where no one loved or cared for my existence as long I had Reiner's love.

I have all the love from the ones around me that I lacked before but the one who's the love I wish for the most doesn't even know me. I made that wish to be with him but I ended up sending him further away from me than he already was..

The truth is hard to accept especially when it comes with such a painful ache in the heart. It is also not easy to ignore it when I feel it everywhere in my body. "Be careful," Jack cautioned getting me away from the road.

My mind and heart are not in their right senses after everything that has happened. It has all happened so fast that I never allowed myself to properly understand it all. First of all, Reiner came back into my life, then he fell sick and I had to rush him to the hospital. The truth about his health which I never got the chance to know fully due to Jack walking into my life. Then the wish that I made and got sent back to a past that was never mine. Then Zane being taken from me only to come into my life as Reiner's friend and lastly my love Reiner, doesn't even recognize me.

All this is too much for me to handle all at once. No one ever told me that love hurt as much as mine does or is it only my choices in life that have made my love so painful. Because not being remembered is the most painful thing that can ever happen to a person. This pain I feel is one that I would not even wish upon my enemy if I had one.

In normal cases I would try to help him remember what happened between us but how do you remind someone about something that has yet to happen. "Don't lose hope yet. You can still make Reiner fall in love with you," he said.

I want to believe that I can win over Reiner's heart and fix everything that has gone wrong from that wish I made but my heart is just tired. Tired of fighting the same battle each time ending up on the losing end. Fighting for my love is the only battle in life that has proven impossible. Be it in the life I have already lived it the one I am in right now.

In each of these lives being with Reiner has proven quite a difficult task. But that doesn't mean that I am going to give up, I just need a time out for my heart to heal from the wounds that reality has inflicted upon it.

If only someone took the time to warn me that wishes have a way of haunting you and they come with a price then I would have thought twice before choosing to make that wish. I simply wanted an easier and quicker solution in solving Reiner's problem but little did I know that I was digging a bigger hole for myself than the one I was already in. I can't even blame Jack for what is happening because I too allowed myself to get swayed and made the wish. If anyone is to blame for all my pain them it is none other than me.

I am responsible for everything. I fall to the ground when my body gives out, it feels like I have lost the most important battle in life before the war began.

"Get up Brandon, don't let yourself be defeated just yet. Yes, I know that right now things don't look too good. Everything is not in your favor but you can't give up. Don't forget that it is always darkest before the brightest morning," I heard Jack say.

His words all sound comforting and encouraging but just for today, I want to forget about fighting. I want to concentrate on letting myself feel all the negative emotions in my heart because if I let myself bottle them up then I am afraid that the pain will destroy me. I will get back up and fight tomorrow.

"Get up Brandon please."

I lay on the ground and look up to the sky. The blue sky brings a sense of peace and serenity to my troubled soul. It calms me down and allows me to let go of all my worries. It feels as though it is whispering "All will be well," in my ear.

I let my thoughts wander to the memories that I once shared with Reiner. It is as if it was a lifetime ago that we knew each other and the feeling of him being a million miles away from me is getting stronger and more terrifying for my weak heart.

His eyes and smile are all too familiar to me. That sinister smile that he always had on his face before he teased me. The way his eyes glowed when he succeeded in making me blush and the way that he used to take of me when my heart acted up. I can never forget my strange beautiful boy who acted like he didn't want me around but never pushed me away when I went close to him. His thoughtfulness in understanding what I wanted, though it felt without me having to say anything is what makes my heart skip a beat every time that I see or think of him.

It is this very memory that has kept me going for the eight years that we were apart and they will give me the strength to fight for you and make new similar memories with you. The memories of our love will ensure that the fire of love that burns within my heart will never be extinguished for eternity. I will hold into your love until the day that you show me to ask me to let go.

"Every drop of blood in my body loved you, Reiner. And I will keep loving you until there is no more blood pumping in my body. As long as my heart beats it will beat only for you," I whispered to the sky and myself but I am sure that Jack heard it too.

And once I successfully win you over then I will not hold myself back from shouting for the whole world to hear about my love. I will show you so much love that you will have no choice but to love me back the same way that I have grown to love you.