656 Princess' Feelings

As Murong Xiu Xiu said it, she did not believe it herself. Her daughter always held a high standard and didn't think highly of any man in the world—even the most outstanding men like Li You Ran were not exceptions. Although Jun Mo Xie's status now was exceptional and his strength was amazing and far from being comparable, all these amazing changes took place in a very short period of time. The Jun Mo Xie before was just a complete scoundrel. How could he be even considered by her?

Moreover, they had only met very few times. At most, it was the occasional meeting when she visited Ye Gu Han. Besides, there was no communication between them. It was really difficult for them to connect.

"I…" Princess Ling Meng opened her mouth and lowered her head. "… don't."

Although she denied, she said it with particular difficulty. Tears had already dripped onto her hand before she completed the sentence.

"That night… Uncle Ye was badly injured and only Jun Mo Xie could save him. I pleaded him with no avail. So I could only take a blood oath… I said if he could save uncle, I would… marry him, as wife or even as a mistress…"

"What? There was such a thing?" Although the empress knew that the Jun Family saved the badly hurt Ye Gu Han, she did not know how it happened. Especially this secret: it was the first time she heard about it, and she was flabbergasted.

The tearful Princess Ling Meng looked very pathetic. She looked at her mother with indescribable sorrow and said, "Mother, I feel so bitter… Only that day did I know that Jun Mo Xie was the one that saved me and protected me all along. He was the mysterious dagger master…

"He had always been an expert; he was at the top rank of Sky Xuan by then!" Upon hearing this, the empress was so shocked that she became speechless…

Princess Ling Meng continued. "Since that day, I've been paying attention to all of his moves, and I've never missed any news. I even come up with a piece-by-piece analysis of his previous misdeeds…

"Mother, now I realize I am no match for Xiao Yi. Xiao Yi can see the good side of him, but I can't. Not at all. Staying in the palace courtyards isolated me from too many things… Whatever I want to know, I can only rely on other people's words, but the truth is always lost in the fog! Loyalty or treason, virtue or foolishness, I cannot decipher. The so-called quality of personality is even more elusive and difficult to evaluate…

"Mother, I remember you warning me when I was young. You said that the Palace is a place of honor, but also the darkest and most depressing place… You were crying when you said it. I didn't understand then. How could I be depressed being the daughter of the emperor? I was always the exceptional one, the one of superior status. Shouldn't I be happy?

"But I finally understand now. What you said isn't even everything. The palace is also the most hypocritical and disgusting place! Everyone living in the palace is an idiot. No matter how smart, when they enter the palace, they will become dumb… We can't even control our own future. Our entire life is a lie and there's no truth… Mother, this is so deplorable!"

The empress looked at the flickering candlelight blankly. She sighed deeply. The reflection of the flame was dancing in her pupils. It was like a dancing dream, revived by her daughter's confession. She recalled the past she thought she had long forgotten…

There were once a confident boy, and a pure and beautiful girl. There was glowing and the growing warmth of the sun in spring and the aroma of flowers in autumn. There was also a moss grown path they would walk past, side by side. And, the hugs and cuddles…

Unconsciously, her eyes were filled with tears. After a long pause, she smirked and murmured with a mocking and contemptuous tone. "Royalty? Honor? Darkness, hypocrisy, disgust, hehe…" Murong Xiu Xiu's voice sounded like they were coming from a distance, like she was sleep talking.

"Mother? Are you alright?" Princess Ling Meng was shocked by her mother's sudden action. She raised her head in concern and looked puzzledly at her mother.

"I'm fine. I just remembered something." The empress smiled and comforted her daughter with a weak and bleak voice. Her thoughts were drifting away as she blanked out for a while. She lowered her head, and covered her dropping tears from her daughter's sight. She said calmly, "Continue. I am listening."

"Yes, mother. For example: Jun Mo Xie. His despicable behaviors in the past were only an appearance. Everyone said that he could not be saved, and the Jun Family would be doomed the day Jun Zhan Tian died. This passed down from person to person and became widespread, consolidating Jun Mo Xie's infamous reputation. Now, when I think of it, isn't everyone simply taking advantage of when they were down? If Jun Mo Xie really showed his talent at a young age, would he survive till today?"

Princess Ling Meng continued with sarcasm. "At least father would not tolerate! He can't tolerate another Jun Wu Hui, can he? And what if it's someone even stronger, and might even seek revenge?"

She continued with a tone only an old man would have. "Now I know why Jun Mo Xie didn't hesitate to defame himself. Now when we know everything, I finally understand how much pain he must have borne. He's about the same age as me, but what he has experienced is so much more! I always thought highly of myself. I was clever and talented. But in comparison with Jun Mo Xie, I was simply so childish. How ridiculous, how pathetic!

"Now, he is strong, rising almost overnight. He no longer needs to veil the truth and the Jun Family has become an unshakable super family. Jun Mo Xie's previously bad habits are gone and his name is shocking the world like spring thunder! And we only know the truth now, when it's too late."

Princess Ling Meng looked more sad, but there was also a tint of pride. "It is understandable. He no longer needs to fake and endure! Jun Mo Xie is a man, a real man! Mother, I think he's even comparable with his father!"

"And you still tried to deny. You are completely in love with him. Or why would you be talking about him in this sort of tone?" The empress sighed and said, "But how did you fall in love with him? Didn't you always look down at him? If it's just the oath… do you know that marrying him and loving him is different? This is a dead knot and there's no hope. Meng, what… what do you want me to say?"

"It's exactly because I hated him, that the change of attitude came very easily, I guess?" Princess Ling Meng looked bewildered. "Mother, do you know this kind of feeling? When you thought someone was just a lowly worm crawling beneath, but he ends up being a soaring dragon. You made a mistake, you judged him wrongly… how would you feel?"

She smiled sadly and continued. "Since I knew I misjudged him, I began investigating him. I analyzed everything and every word he said to me in order to understand his true meaning and motives. When I connected all these with the situation the Jun Family was in and their vengeance over the death of the General in White… I finally realized that everything he said had meaning and an agenda! Mother, this is wisdom! Jun Mo Xie is a real man!

"It's easy to drag out an ignoble existence, but it's hard to endure all the insults while taking up all the burden! It's easy to die fighting for justice, but it is difficult to silently bear and act along with others' contempt! He had so many talents, but he made himself a clown for his family and their vengeance… this is too difficult! At least, I can't do it! So I find him exceptionally great! As I know more about him, I cannot stop finding out more… Mother… a man like him is every girl's dream—how am I an exception? It's not about the oath. I view him as the only man I acknowledge for my entire life!"

As the Princess Ling Meng said quietly, she looked up stubbornly and her face was full of tears. "I know there is no hope at all, there is no hope at all! It is for this reason that I am speaking out. When father revealed that truth, I knew that there was no hope between him and me! Not at all! We killed his father! How can he accept me?! But I don't want to give up! I really don't want to! Mother! I'm not willing to let my feelings to be gone with the wind…"

She cried out loud. "Everyone tried to deceive me. Everyone was talking badly of him. When Jun Zhan Tian came to talk about the marriage, father rejected it so firmly… although I wasn't willing as well, if I knew the truth a bit earlier, I… I would pay the price for what father had done! If he didn't accept me, I would at least have been his wife, and I would at least have him once… Do you know? I am heartbroken when I discovered what he went through… I really want to embrace him and comfort him… His life is too uneasy as a man. Even the most determined man will have a weaker side. I really want to be the person beside him when he's down…"