Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Author: aji (あじ)

Translator: sleepingjay

Pain was running unbearably throughout my body.

My whole body was in torment, as if wounds I’d received when I was very young had recurred.

A dungeon that was dark, cold and clammy.

I hadn’t known why I was punished. Both my parents and siblings were going to forsake the people who were suffering right in front of them, as if it were only natural. That situation was frightening, I wanted to save those people — that was why, I pleaded.

We shouldn’t indulge in our overflowing wealth, we should save the people who needed saving.

My values and my family’s were different. Everything they taught me made me full of discomfort.

Each time I said something brazen, I would be chastised severely.

It was a cold winter day. It was scary, the loneliness of being shackled by heavy chains. The day chains were put on me, I was sure that a pain close to death awaited me.

The bare concrete constantly inflamed my skin. Then, my elder brother swung his whip down on my back many, many times.

You are abominable, he had spat out like a curse throughout it all.

I hadn’t even said anything wrong. However, I was the odd one out, and my family could not forgive my ideology.

One day, with a snap, that justice within me broke apart.

Unable to bear the loneliness, I fell.

I stopped fighting against it. Even a little, that family’s love, even just a moment was fine — I sought that love.

Aaah…… I had fallen in all aspects.

The people’s screams receded. Even the crying voice of children, even the wishes of everybody seeking for help. After I fell, I didn’t hear them.

I knew what a grave sin that was.

I knew, but even still, I let go.

I ran from the reality that I shouldn’t turn away from.

If I said righteous things, my family would punish me for being wrong.

If I did evil things, my family would hug me as if to praise me, “That’s right.”

This is it. This was fine.

Choosing to do as was told, thinking that this must be the right thing to do, indulged in that superficial love.

I wanted to be loved. A little bit was fine.

I was fine with even a little, so please look at me.

Anybody, please think of me as someone precious.

But it was just like that. Even though I seized that hand when it reached out for help, who was it that then shook off and slapped my hand away? I was tricked.

She who cheated me, and I who fell for it. Hateful. Hateful.

No one was going to help me. That was fine. Then, I too, wouldn’t do such things as trusting or loving anyone.

The foolish events of my youth wailed inside my head.

Past memories of pain and suffering sluggishly pushed up my reason.

As if resisting the shadow of these memories, a groan leaked out.

I couldn’t lose my head in that hatred.

I didn’t want to, anymore. Not again, I didn’t want to fall down into my own weakness. I didn’t want to go back to sinking in that corrosive darkness.

“Even so, the sin you committed in the past won’t disappear.”

From behind me who was fleeing, I heard the chilly voice of a young boy—

“U….gh”

Someone’s palm was touching my forehead.

Even though it was merely that, an undulating agony rushed through my body.

I wanted to be saved from this pain.

But, who would save me? Who should I seek help from? No matter when, hadn’t I born it alone? Until now and from now on, I was forever a solitary existence, wasn’t I?

“Lilius.”

As I was sinking into past memories, close to my ears, I heard a voice calling for me.

“Lilius, are you alright? Are you still hurting?”

The low, whispering voice jolted my mind.

Someone’s hand patted my body as if to soothe me. The excruciating pain and loneliness gradually retreated from my body.

“……What happened to you, Lilius? When you wake up, would you be willing to tell me?”

The stiffness in my body was clearing away.

As warmth enveloped my body, I noticed that someone was hugging me.

From the chest I was pressed to, like a lullaby, I could hear the sound of the person’s heartbeat. I wanted to answer the owner of the voice who asked me that question. Yet, I was unable to.

My eyelids were unbearably heavy.

Just who was it that gave me this gentle warmth, I wanted to see with my own eyes.

Saddened as that hand left me, I reached out, even knowing that I wouldn’t be able to grasp it—

◇　◇　◇

My consciousness hazily rose to the surface.

My head ached horribly. On top of that, my stomach felt uncomfortable as if it was laden with lead.

My body, wrapped in soft bedding, sometimes felt flashes of pain, but it wasn’t something I couldn’t handle.

On my chilled body, the only exception was my right hand, which was exceptionally warm.

When I looked in that direction, I thought I was still in a dream.

“Knight Commander Moorwright……”

Grasping my right hand tightly, he was sleeping on the same bed.

His gentle breathing occasionally tickled my skin.

It was the first time I saw him up close like this.

Beautiful people, even if they were asleep, their beauty still wasn’t obscured, huh?

With his sharp, narrow eyes closed, his usual sharpness was absent. In some respects, he seemed innocent and cute.

A high, completely straight nose bridge, and thin, slightly open lips. They were like Andrea’s.

Gently, I touched the flattened ears.

The twitching reaction I received amused me, and a clumsy laugh spilled out.

Like that, I combed the soft-looking hair.

Perhaps it felt good, as his throat rumbled with a purr. Pleased, I patted the silver-snow hair, which was even silkier than I had thought it would be.

“……”

Doing this while still in a sleepy daze, gradually my consciousness came awake. Then, I became troubled by my own actions.

When I realised that this was reality and not a dream, the man in front of me opened his eyes. Those pretty, golden eyes seemed to melt sweetly, though I must have mistook it.

“S-sorry for touching you. I’d thought it was a dream.”

“It’s fine. You’ve touched for a long time. Next, is it going to be like Cyril, biting my ears?”

“—Eh, no, ah.”

“Actually, just a bit before you woke up, I was already awake.”

“If that’s the case then you should have brushed off my hand or something! A-are you and idiot?! Letting a guy you’re suspicious of touch your head, do you not have any sense of danger?!”

“Ah, but that’s exactly what I wanted to say to you too.”

Knight Commander Moorwright showed a bitter smile, and then patted my head.

“How does your body feel?”

“It’s the worst.”

“……I’m sorry.”

“It’s got nothing to do with you, so don’t apologise.”

Although this guy was the starting point, it didn’t mean that he was accountable for everything.

In the first place my stupid older sister was the root cause, and I was only arbitrarily holding guilt about it.

Although there were horrible experiences, the people here had treated me with at least minimum courtesy and served me as a guest without complaints.

The only person I should have a grudge against, was the person who had stealthily moved behind the scenes.