115 Chapter 114: Guil

Nina, who had caught up to her after five minutes had suggested that they climb on top of the watchtower attached to the gate. It was the first time that Elize had noticed that there was something like that built into the wall. Taking the keys from the guard elves, Nina had dragged her all the way up just to let her sit and cry to her heart's content. A slight breeze was blowing towards the academy, passing through the girls sitting high above the walls with their feet dangling outside the wooden platform. Her friend hadn't spoken a word until she lay back on the floor exhausted, unable to shed any more tears. 

"Do you feel better?" Nina asked, lying down next to her. 

"A bit," Elize replied, sniffling. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" The she-wolf asked, turning towards her. 

"Not really," Elize said, keeping her eyes on the roof.

"You should know that it's okay," Nina said, trying to reach out to her. 

Elize sighed. Every time she thought about the incident, it only made the pain in her chest worsen. And she was not sure if she'd be able to handle it. Although she wished she didn't remember it, now that she did, she couldn't stop blaming herself. She had taken an innocent life.

"I killed someone, Nina. How is that okay?" Elize asked, her voice breaking. 

She bit her lip, trying to hold back a sob. Nina slowly extended a hand towards her and turned her face towards her.

"When a lion, a tiger, a cheetah, or a wolf hunts its prey, is it normal? Is that okay?" She asked with a slight smile on her lips.

Elize thought for a while and then replied, "Well yeah, I guess...because that's their food."

"What is food?" Nina asked, raising her brows.

"Something that you need to survive," Elize replied instantaneously. She didn't need to think to know that answer. 

Her friend smiled, patting her head, "Not necessarily. Sometimes you get the urge to eat chocolate. That's also food. But it's not a need- it's a want."

"I guess," Elize said, with a shrug. 

"Elize, we are werewolves. The same ethical code that applies to humans doesn't apply to us. For your wolf, the boy was nothing more than prey. You didn't do anything wrong. You were just not able to control your urges." Nina said, squeezing her hand. 

What Nina said made sense to her, at least partially. But ti only meant that she wasn't able to control her urges- that she was weak.

"I should have been able to," Elize said regretfully.

Nina shook her head. "No Elize. it's not all black and white." She said with a kind smile, "You grew up outside a pack. You never got training to control your urges. Adding to that, you had two conflicting powers inside you. If you were to have been raised by a pack, it would have been a different story. I'd say that you grew up perfectly fine despite everything."

Elize laughed sarcastically. 

"You make it sound like it was natural for me." She said, her expression becoming more pained by the second, "But believe me, I knew what I was doing. I even liked the chase- the taste of blood in my mouth when I- when I-"

She suddenly sat up, a sour taste filling her mouth. She suddenly felt like throwing up. Elize wretched, leaning forward on her knees, but only air came out of her mouth. Nina sat up with a sigh. Patting her back gently, she helped her lean against the railing. 

"Again, that was not you." Her friend said, with a sympathetic look, "That was your animal instincts- your wolf. I'm sure that they had triggered you in some way. Or else your first instinct would have been to find Zack and not hunt down some random humans."

"Well..." Elize trailed off, remembering the conversation between the two boys. It was true that she hadn't approached them till they had thrown stones at her. 

"To be honest, I'm quite proud of you." Nina continued, looking towards the forest covering the area outside the wall. "Although you had killed one of them, you had let the other one go. Usually, wolves who shift early have a blood lust so uncontrollable when triggered, that they wouldn't stop even after killing hundreds. You overpowered it Elize. You did a good job."

"I can still hear his scream in my head, Nina." Elize said, her lips quivering with guilt.

Nina turned towards her with a sad expression. "I'm sorry." She said, her head bent low, "We should have been more careful with you. If that incident with Zack and Eun Ae hadn't happened that day, then all this wouldn't have happened."

Elize shook her head. "It's my fault. I should have known better." She said, tears slipping down her eyes. 

"I'll tell you a secret." Nina said, leaning against the railing. With a distant smile, she continued, "There was a time in my life when I was not myself. I had let my wolf get the better of me. In my madness, I had killed at least a few dozen people. At first, I thought I had a reason. But then as time passed, I killed for the fun of it." The girl paused, an pained expression flashing in her eyes for a fraction of a second. With a sigh she turned towards her, "I know the feeling of that overwhelming urge to kill something. But unlike you, it was my choice back then."

Elize wanted to ask more, intrigued by her story. But she guessed that it was not the right time to do so. Her tears had stopped, listening to her friend explain. She was now feeling bad for the girl sitting next to her. She had assumed that she knew Nina so well, yet moments like this told her otherwise. Something told her that there was a deep pain in her heart that she was trying so hard to hide from everyone. 

"But you're not the same anymore." Elize said, wiping her nose violently, wanting to console her friend. 

Nina chuckled, her expression becoming lighter. "Yes, that's true. I'm not." She said nodding, "And you don't have to be too. I can teach you how to control your urges Elize. I can help you embrace your wolf without losing yourself to it."

Elize quickly wiped her tears away. Nina's words gave her hope. For the first time, she started seeing the incident in a new light. She was slowly coming to terms with the fact that she was now partly a wild animal- a supernaturally wild one at that. And she had no choice but to live with that fact. So if she wanted to live a good life, she was going to need all the help that she could get, she thought to herself. But a lingering doubt remained in her head.

"Will I be able to?" She asked, her eyes wide with uncertainty.

"Have you seen yourself out there today?" Nina asked, raising her brows. "I haven't met a werewolf in my life who could fight like that without any training at all. If you had tried today, you could have easily defeated an experienced warrior like me in the blink of an eye. Yet, your wolf was in control throughout the matches. If that boy hadn't provoked you in such a manner, you wouldn't have even thought of injuring him like that."

Elize smiled, seeing the trust that her friend had in her. 

"Will you help me then?" She asked shyly.

"Only if you promise to try and get over your guilt. I can't train a crybaby." Nina teased, sticking out her tongue.

"I'm not!" Elize exclaimed, acting shocked. 

"Haha! We'll see." Nina said, quickly getting up from the floor. "Wanna go for another run?" She asked, extending a hand towards her.

Elize took her hand and raised herself from the floor. 

"I'll race you to the hostel." She replied with a mischievous smile.