Chapter 95

“…Do you really know what you are saying?”

“I’m not stupid enough to forget what I said a few minutes ago. So, I know. I know.”

“What are you thinking?” said Na-Yool in one breath, releasing the air she had been holding back. Si-Jin shrugged his shoulder complacently and spoke up as his stare suddenly penetrated her.

“Thinking of becoming someone who you can cause trouble too.”

“…What does that even…”

“It means what it means.”

Si-Jin interrupted as if no more words were needed. A few seconds of silence which felt like minutes stood between them. Na-Yool could not stand it, and a serious question rolled out of her mouth.

“…Why do you suddenly want to date?”

Just then.

“Car.”

A one-word warning, and in a flash the front passenger door slammed shut in front of Na-Yool’s eyes.

She stared in a daze at Si-Jin’s half body stuck to the car window from outside and the car that zoomed by behind him.

This man, how unimportant does he think this matter is… Although her brain knew he had no other choice, Na-Yool could not suppress her anger for having the door shut to her face instead of getting an answer from him.

In the first place, was this how this topic should be discussed? A car roughly parked in an alley, its owner confessing while standing crookedly towards the passenger seat… ‘Confess’ not even in the present tense, because he had already skipped the preliminaries and gone straight to the main topic before he got off the car. No, from the start, was not the bugging word ‘confess’ absurd? That conceited and shameless smug! Na-Yool glared at Si-Jin’s face through the door that opened again. And when he looked back at her in puzzlement, she was even more riled up.

“For now, get off. Unless you want to keep talking like this on the road.”

“……”

“We can talk as we go, or pack your things first and discuss properly after.”

“How could I be in the mood to pack first?”

“You don’t want to?”

“You’ve got things backward—”

“If you don’t want, stay here.”

Na-Yool swiftly stepped out of the door opened by him. Then, she started walking off without looking back. At the sound of Si-Jin catching up to her as if mocking her hurried steps, she inexplicably grew annoyed and upset.

When she took two steps, he only had to take one. This gap, this inequality. From taking a few steps to making a living, every matter seemed so easy to him. And even matter of the heart.

What if she is mistaken, what if she is reading too much into it, what if she ends up liking him one-sidedly, and consequently, what if she embarrasses herself… Sometimes she was forced to take the shovel to dig her own grave. So that her thoughts and feelings towards him remain elusive. Like a hazy fog, she secretly hoped that this ambiguous relationship would last long.

But how could it be so easy for this man? Were her efforts to maintain this ambiguity just a waste then?! To think he had called her a ‘hard nut to crack’… Unbelievable! Na-Yool had climbed the stairs without a break. Out of breath, she puffed as regularly as possible to not let it show and entered the code of her apartment’s door.

And then, she slammed the door shut before Si-Jin could follow in. Contrary to his worries, thanks to him, she had no time to think about this morning’s incident.

…Yet why am I so angry?

She was indeed angry, but certainly not at him. Similar to the logic of ‘I drank alcohol but did not drive drunk’, Na-Yool rationalized her thoughts. No… was she even angry? She leaned against the door and tried to feel a sense of security from the familiar room. But far from feeling safe, the disorder in the space even made her feel dizzy.

Two short knocks came from the door behind. She straightened up and turned around, glared at the door for a moment, and all of a sudden flung it open as though she could no longer stand the confusion raging in her mind.

“—Are you okay?”

“—Do you like me?”

Inexplicable irritation, anger, the suffocating frustration… Maybe all simply was fake, to defend her own self from expecting things. A defense mechanism to prevent her from blurting out such words.

Si-Jin remained silent. Seemingly not burdened, but neither puzzled nor pleased. Just a subtle in-between. Na-Yool deemed that there would be no further reply from him and continued to thoroughly speak up.

“If you are just acting on a whim, then, I don’t want to.”

“……”

“It was good so far. I have never felt so carefree in my life… It was novel, and I liked it. All was new and it was a first. That I would sleep around without being in a relationship…  It goes against my morals, and I could not do it even if I die, but I was amazed that I could do it with you… that shocking realization, I liked it. The realization that I am no longer insignificant and boring.  Yes, so far.”

“……”

“So, it cannot be more than that. I do not want to be swayed by you this way.”

“What way is that?”

“Like right now. From back in the car till now.”

“……”

“You are messing with my mind. Casually, and with ease, like this, on a whim.”

Si-Jin was still standing by the door with a strange face. Na-Yool nodded with a convinced expression as if he had answered something back.

“Therefore, I will pretend I did not hear it. I had planned to visit the real estate agency today anyway and move house as soon as possible. Thank you for your concern.”

“……”

“Affection really is a scary thing. Having someone like you, who does not seem sympathetic, to care for me like this…”

Si-Jin grabbed Na-Yool’s wrist before she could turn her back on him. She got startled and froze, but he soon released his grip, and their hands stilled in the air without moving far away from each other. A subtle atmosphere filled the silence which seemed to separate them for a while, before being broken by Si-Jin.

“…It’s not on a whim.”

“……”

“Neither out of any damn sympathy.”

“……”

“……”

“…What’s next?”

“……”

“Does nothing follow after that?”

“…Let’s say I like you.”

Was it the kind of word that one would painfully exhale in a breath? Na-Yool snorted in derision and took back the hand that Si-Jin was no longer holding on as though distancing herself.

“Let’s say? I must be such—”

“…I like you.”

“—a joke to you! You think you can toy with me as it suits you, but since last time, it really does not feel great. This is not how it should be. It should not—”

“—I said, I like you.”

“……”

Na-Yool sucked in deeply and stared stupidly at Si-Jin as though her breath was stuck. He stared back with the same determined gaze he had when he looked down at her while opening the car door for her. Expressionless, but unshakable.

No, a little more determined than back then. A little more intense, and also…

“…Why are your ears so red?”

“……”

A pair of burning ears could be seen on each side of his composed, chiseled face. Bewitched by the sight, Na-Yool stuttered, unable to take her eyes off.

“Mr. President, your- your ears…”

“…Enough.”

He did not even know that his whole face was shining a bright red.

Chapter 24 – Friday’s last remains (A)

Na-Yool had no idea how time flowed after Si-Jin’s confession. With flushed red faces and ears, they stood facing one another at her apartment’s door frame ‒ one in, one out ‒ and for some time, mutually casted a probing, strange gaze to the other one while subtly avoiding each other’s eyes. Until, as if under a spell, Na-Yool eventually packed her luggage and came out.

The large shopping bag she was carrying could hardly be considered luggage. But with her head still elsewhere, it was all she could think of packing up. Simply looking from the entrance, Si-Jin turned away and set off as soon as she came over with her shopping bag. They went down the stairs without saying a word, as they did when they came up. The silence was overwhelming.