Chapter 109

At this point, it was hard to tell if Na-Yool was weak to compliments or weak to kind remarks coming from a superior. Of course, Si-Jin’s face clearly was the most important reason for her blushing.

Afterward, he seemed to have forgotten entirely about her. He could swear he had not thought of Kim Na-Yool once. Without any special regrets or satisfaction about hiring her, a month passed.

Si-Jin was always insanely busy with work, and Na-Yool was now one of many employees. Her existence had no weight. And as long as she did not upset him, she always would.

Her first workday went well. The draft of her first project, which neither had flaws nor was visibly good, decisively made Si-Jin lose interest in her. Then it was Na-Yool’s second day at work.

And then, that night.

Si-Jin dreamt of Na-Yool and came.

***

A wet dream, what the fuck!

At the age of 30, out of nowhere, and dreaming of his subordinate.

The first emotion that came over was self-loathing, the second was self-loathing, and the third was unsurprisingly self-loathing as well. Then came over the incomprehension.

Why, because of what, for what??

It was the 30th year that Si-Jin did not bother dating because it was a waste of time, pointless, and for various similar reasons. Growing up from an innocent youth to the workaholic he now was, it was an unchanged rule he had firmly followed. Naturally, neither did he keep any woman by his side.

At times, it felt like the whole world ostracized him. Whenever he looked down at others for exhausting themselves over annoying and meaningless matters of the heart, they gossiped he was a crazy weirdo with only his good looks for himself.

He never understood why, for the sole reason he refused to date, people thought it was a waste of his beauty. But anyways, it was better to think of him as a weirdo wasting his looks than the serious suspicion that he might be gay.

The correct answer, of course, existed. Si-Jin hated women, but in general he hated men much more. So he could not be gay, even over his dead body.

On this matter, Ji-Hyung, one of Si-Jin’s few friends, once asked him if he did not simply hate humans as a whole, and it was perhaps the most accurate answer. It was not that Si-jin did not have a single romantic relationship just because it was a waste of time, or because he did not like women or men.

He basically hated socializing with people. He just hated people. He liked seeing his family from afar, and his friends from time to time. He was emotionally detached by nature. That said, he did have sex drive ‒ although on and off ‒ so he neither was asexual.

Desire was definitely there. However, the willingness to form a troublesome relationship with someone solely to satisfy this desire did not fit with Si-Jin’s independent worldview, who valued efficiency the most.

In Si-Jin’s opinion, human rationality clearly prevailed over desire. He knew countless men could not do so, but just because there were countless dumbasses did not mean he had to be one of them as well.

He was in strict control of himself. Only once every few months, or a quick fap once every few weeks. If he was pent-up, it was enough just to release.

To have sex, he had two options: to sleep around with a woman he does not know well, like an animal in heat. Or on the contrary, to be a bastard and feign feelings to deceive a well-acquainted woman and put up with all kinds of tiring love affairs.

As such, crude masturbation was rather better. The act was unpleasant, but at least it was convenient, and it was efficient. After all, it was a desire that had no object and had no identity.

Therefore, it was the first time it involved someone. Aside from the fact that it had been ten years since Si-Jin last had a wet dream like some middle school student.

“……”

Whether it was the first or not, the situation was such that only swearing was the right reaction.

After all, the man entangled with the unrelated woman dragged into his dirty delusion was himself. With his subordinate, no less! Who started working for him barely 2 days ago!

She was by no means the kind of woman Si-Jin’s unconscious would have drawn in, and he clearly had no interest in her, not to mention in the feelings between men and women. The only thing that caught Si-Jin’s interest was the portfolio that she diligently supplemented. Just this, for sure.

But the portfolio certainly did not make him come, so what was going on?

No matter how much he thought about it, Si-Jin had no clue. And he was not used to not knowing something. Neither was he used to not understanding something. It would not matter if it was not worth understanding, but this concerned his disciplined lower half. The source of his confidence was shaking whole.

Unlike during the interview, the woman in the dream looked at him with pure eyes and was smiling. Pure, so pure it could not be qualified otherwise. It was such a dreamy gaze, as if there was no one else in this world but him to fill it.

It was undeniably not the first time Si-Jin had received such a gaze, but it was at least the first time that his consciousness did not feel repulsed.

Although it probably was because Si-Jin’s mind was not in the right place even to reject it.

Crazy bastard, you fucking kinky bastard…

Si-Jin was engulfed in a total skepticism about life.

He had crushed the woman with the innocent smile under him, fiercely stripped her of her clothes, bit her flushed cheeks, and sucked her lips. It seemed that her body had been touched only a few times, and it was a sadistic act of spreading her legs apart to ram in.

If only he had blissfully forgotten about it all! If only his memory was at least hazy! As Si-Jin did not often dream, it was habitual for him to accurately remember the crazy dreams he occasionally saw.

At this point, his flawless memory felt like a curse. Everything he did not want to remember was recalled. The moment when he thrusted into her wet insides, the moment when he randomly shoved and shot, and the moment the woman collapsed as she moaned in utter ecstasy while wrapping her arms around his neck despite his brutal lovemaking. Of course, since it was a crazy dream.

At 4.40 am, after thoroughly washing his body up in a compulsive way, Si-Jin sat in the dark living room and searched for a while for a neuropsychiatry hospital. Only at 5.50 am did he acknowledge it was helpless, upon realizing that he would carry this dream secret to his grave.

Si-Jin eventually arrived at the office early, before 7 am. In any case, it was not intentional. I never meant to, and I did not jerk off either, it just came out by itself. To begin with, I’m not even interested in her. And even less in sex… he inwardly denied like a mantra. As if chanting like this would turn it into truth.

Even when he was really just stating facts, he was so eager like an earnest liar that it instead sounded untrue.

“Good morning, Mr. President.”

“……”

“Such a lovely day. It seems like you came early?”

Truly, what a bad timing. Who else was it but the protagonist of his uncontrollable wet dream!