293 The Artist Admits to Her Denial

Zixu simply gestured his head at the room outside, so Yujia followed him, walking out. 

When she entered the building first, with her master, there had been plenty of people in the room. The private library was built right inside the building where Master Ye taught his students, after all. Except, now, the room was completely evacuated, not a single person besides her and Zixu inside. 

Yujia took this in. She went up to the door, rattling it a few times to see that it was indeed, like Zixu said, locked. She took that in too.

The two facts, pieced together, could only mean one thing: her master was trying to do something stupid again.

Suddenly, words from earlier that morning, where she told her master about getting interrupted in her conversation with Zixu yesterday, came echoing back in her mind. She could not regret any words more right now.

She didn't need to explain anything to Zixu either. He looked like he had a similar idea in his mind, the quiet amusement that he wore earlier completely gone from his face.

Furiously, Yujia knocked on the doors a few times, calling out in hopes that someone passing by heard. After a few minutes of doing so, she gave up, slumping down against the door. When she got out of here, she was really going to kill her master. 

Yujia looked up at Zixu, who had his head tilted, like he always did when he was thinking. "What now?" she blurted out.

He placed a hand on the door, saying in an all-too-serious tone, "Let's break it down. It's wooden, so if we apply enough pressure, it'll probably fall apart."

Yujia stared at Zixu. Zixu stared back at her.

She narrowed her eyes. He shrugged his shoulders.

And then, laughter burst out of him. "Just a joke," he said between a chuckle.

Yujia stood up, throwing her hands up. "I knew it! You always do this thing when you're trying to tease me, almost like you're trying to hold back a smile, so your expression isn't natural."

Zixu made a face, moving his eyebrows and stretching his mouth. "Is that so? My acting skills have become rusty, then."

"No, correction— my observational skills have just improved," she corrected, holding up a finger.

"Alright, but you have to admit that you did fall for it, even for just a second," Zixu answered back, now with a close-lipped smile.

Yujia squinted at him. "Okay. Yeah, I did."

And that was the truth. She believed him for a split second before she observed his face. 

Zixu seemed happy to hear that, leaning back and holding his hands behind his back. Yujia, on the other hand, faced the door for a moment, then walked towards the front of the room Zixu was about to walk after her, but she held up a hand, ordering, "You should stay there. Just in case you hear anyone coming by."

Yujia pursed her lips, then gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Just exploring around."

The room that Master Ye taught in was fairly simplistic. There were windows, but those were built up high, near the ceiling of the tall room, which would be difficult to reach and impossible to climb out of without breaking a leg. At the front of the room, there was the elevated floor where Master Ye stood and lectured, complete with a desk of his own. On the wall behind the desk was a large and grand painting, depicting what seemed like an artistic rendition of Lingxin. The rest of the room was populated by a few desks for students. 

Yujia walked up to the wall with the painting, scanning it and seeing all the details up close. It was an absolutely magnificent work of art, the details nearly taking her breath away. When she was done looking at the artwork, she spun back around, seeing Zixu still standing where she told him to, observing her.

A new idea popped into Yujia's mind. She bent down to Master Ye���s desk, picking up a fan that must've belonged to him. Tapping the fan against her arm, she summoned the imposing presence of the head of the school, drawing herself up to full stature. With a cough and deepening her voice, she raised her eyebrows at Zixu. 

"Disciple, you are late to class," she called from across the room, her gaze stern.

A smirk appeared across Zixu's face, and he replied, cheekily, "I am not late— Master is simply too early. Do you see any other students in the room right now?" He waved his arm to gesture at the empty room. 

Seeing his smile and hearing his words, she couldn't hold back her own laugh. She quickly placed the fan back down, rushed down from the raised area, and shook her head in disbelief that she even attempted to do an impression of the head of the school. 

She managed to say between a giggle, "That was really bad, I'm sorry."

"No, no, no." Zixu replied quickly, "I thought it was a good impression.��� 

"I haven't talked to him very much," Yujia admitted. "Actually, I think we've only had one conversation before. So the image in my mind of him is just very stiff and domineering."

"As his disciple, I can confirm that you're not wrong. He's like that, even around his personal disciples."

"Really? So, very different from my master's personality." 

"Indeed." 

Yujia bit her lip and looked to the side. "I hope Senior Brother Yunhe won't take after his father when he's older."

"Who can say for sure what any of us would be like, decades later in the future?" Zixu mused.

"Well, I think we might be able to know for ourselves, don't you think? It's impossible to control our future completely, but I think we can at least make efforts to shape it."

Zixu looked down, as if contemplating her words. Then, in a quiet voice, he said, "And yet, it seems like the most important things we desire to change will never be altered by our decisions."

Thinking back to her past, Yujia nodded slowly. There was a time in her life where she felt like that. Hopeless. Stuck. That no matter what she did, her fate was set into stone, and it was impossible to escape. It was a self-destructive mindset, looking back at it. And now, Zixu seemed to be in the same mindset, probably about his dream of working in the government and his father forbidding him from escaping the task of inheriting the family business.

But now, at least for Yujia, things were so clearly different. Given a second chance at life, she finally took steps to make changes to her fate. She was no longer a meek Fourth Miss, forced into a marriage that she would never be capable of escaping out of. She was a disciple of Lingxin Pavilion, the co-owner of an entire store for art supplies. She had gone against her fate, breaking the path laid ahead for her that others considered as impossible to deviate from.

And so, she advised him, "Perhaps you should still try, though. You never know until you try to change things." 

"You think so?" He tilted his head, sighing. "Though it's easier said than done."

"I know," Yujia assured, "I know how difficult it is. But I still encourage you to try. Because if anything— you have my support. It might not mean much, but I really do support you."

Zixu fell silent, his gaze dropping again. Silence hung between them for a few moments, and then, he looked up, his expression blank. "Can I ask you a favor?" His voice was barely more than a whisper now.

Yujia nodded, putting on a bright smile. "Of course! You taught me calligraphy, so I owe you yet again. What do you need? If it's within my capabilities, I'm more than happy to help!"

"My father talked to me yesterday," he said, "and he says that it's time for me to get married. There's a young miss that I think I like, but I don't want to force her into an engagement if she doesn't return my feelings. So, I just wanted to ask you for advice and perhaps some help for getting closer with her."

Yujia's smile fell.

She stared at Zixu, observing his face as well as she could, yet he was perfectly serious. There was no smile hidden behind his expression, no hints at his words being a joke. 

"Who is it?" she asked. There was a slight tremble in her voice. She didn't know why it was there, and she didn't like the fact that it was there.

"The only young miss of the Jing Family. Do you know her?" Zixu answered.

Yes. Of course she knew the young miss of the Jing Family: Jing Juan, one of the young misses at the social gatherings Yujia attended. It would be her birthday, three days from now. She was pretty, intelligent, and talented. 

Yujia realized, with the image in her mind, that Jing Juan and Yu Zixu would look like a perfect couple.

"What's wrong?" Zixu suddenly asked, seemingly noticing that something was off. 

Knowing that it would be difficult to convince Zixu, who was observant as always, Yujia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, forcing a smile onto her face. She shook her head, replying, "Nothing. It's all good. I was just a bit… shocked." Hugging herself, Yujia went on, "I know her. We are close to friends, I suppose. So I'll be happy to help." She smiled a little more now, trying to mask her feelings with pretend happiness. 

Finally, Zixu smiled again, his smile calm as always. "Thank you, Junior Sister. I don't have any other female friends or sisters, so I really wouldn't know what to do without your help."

"En." Yujia didn't know what else to say. They were just friends, after all. Fellow disciples and friends.

What was once a cheerful mood in the room quickly fell into something somber. There was dry silence for a moment, before Zixu spoke up, "I'll ask you about it later. But I just remembered— the library has a few windows that we could climb out of. Shall we try that?"

With a nod, Yujia followed him into the library. Sure enough, they could push open the windows and get out of the building. They each bid the other farewell, and left it like that.

…

Yujia didn't go to her master's courtyard, to complain about how he locked her into the school center. She didn't talk to Xie Yufeng either, when she returned back to her courtyard. 

She only went back to her room, closed the doors behind her, and sat down on the floor. 

Earlier on, she had been holding it back. But now, she couldn't anymore. Tears slid down her face, her hands going up to wipe them away as they fell. She looked up, as if that would make her tears go back into her eyes. It didn't help.

She wanted to say that she didn't know why she was crying, but she knew perfectly well. It was a stupid reason, stupid enough that it made her cry, and it was a reason that she had been in denial about for a while now.

She liked Yu Zixu.

More than a senior brother, and more than a friend. 

Only, it was too late to realize and admit to these things now, when he already liked someone else.