302 The Furious Artis

"You're horrible," she told Zixu, voice almost trembling with rage. "Is this fun to you? Playing with people's emotions like that?"

Zixu stood up and blinked, wordlessly, which made her all the more furious.

"Not only did you mess with my emotions, but now I'm essentially losing all the basic trust I had in you! I genuinely believed you when you said that you liked her, but now you just go and casually say that everything you told me before was all a lie? How am I supposed to trust you ever again?" she exclaimed. 

He glanced downwards. "I would like to genuinely apologize, " he said, "I did lie to you, but I didn't intend to deceive you in a harmful way."

"Even if you didn't intend it, it doesn't stop the fact that it happened. Do you have any idea how miserable I felt?" 

For some reason,   tears were bubbling up in her eyes,  and Yujia clenched her fists tighter,  willing them to go away. She wasn't going to cry in front of him right now, like this.

"It was all my fault. I should have thought things through more, " he replied in a soft voice. Then,  he looked up. "What can I do to fix my mistake? You can punch or slap me, if that makes you feel better. Or verbally berate me. As long as you feel better."

Yujia seriously considered the idea of slapping Zixu for a moment, but after a tense period of consideration, she realized that she couldn't bring herself to do it. Seeing how Zixu was just there, accepting all of her past yelling, she didn't feel right to continue yelling at him either.

"You know what?" she began,  her voice becoming a little more than a whisper, "Whatever. I want to go home."

Then,  she turned, walking out of the grove and in the direction of the fields. As she walked through the path she took before, she moved less carefully, trampling a few flowers underneath her feet, but she could care less.

Zixu followed behind her,   calling out,  "Wait. So before,  when you said that you felt miserable, did that mean that you had…"

She spun around, snapping, "Yes, alright? Since we're telling the truth now, I had feelings for you. Even before you did all of that stupid 'I like Miss Jing' deal. And I feel like an absolute idiot for having them."

"What about now?" he asked, hopefully.

Was he really that shameless? Yujia stared at him for a brief second, at a loss for words.

Of course she liked him. She liked him before, and she still liked him now. That was the reasoning behind her anger. If she didn't care about Zixu at all, she would not feel any rage towards him. 

Zixu was intelligent. It wasn't like he could not figure this out on his own, yet he must've wanted to hear her say it. 

She would not give him the satisfaction of that.

He smiled slightly. "Alright. That's fine. You don't have to give me an answer right now."

The wind rustled through the field, flowers rippling in unison. She looked at Zixu, the mess of emotions within her right now struggling with each other. One part of her liked him. She liked him so, so much. Another part of her, though, felt so incredibly hurt. 

"You do realize," she ended up saying, "that even if I told you right now, right here, that I liked you back, we… still can't be together?"

"I thought about that. I thought about those things so many times," he answered.

"Then…"

The Yu Zixu she knew was not someone foolishly blinded by love. He was not someone who could sacrifice everything for the sake of just love. Perhaps the only solution the two of them had would be to elope, and that was certainly something she could not see Zixu doing. It would be selfish for her to demand that of him, too. She could not ask for him to sacrifice his efforts, his family, and his reputation, just for her.

Zixu tilted his head. "After thinking things through, it only became more clear to me. You were there for me at my worst. You brought happiness to my life. You've taught me so many new things. You've made me into a better person. I can't think of anyone else who can replace you in my life. So even if there was no solution to our dilemma, no space for 'us' in the world, I will still be willing to take this risk for you. With you. Together."

"I—" she parted her lips, murmuring.

"I know I'm not much," he continued, "I'm just a merchant's son. I wish I could be someone better, of a higher status, so that I would be more deserving of you. But my feelings are a hundred percent genuine. There's no doubt about that." 

"I don't care about things like status," Yujia said, biting her lip.

He smiled lightly, again. "I know."

Yujia met his gaze for another second, then turned back around, walking slowly through the field again. There was now silence between them, the only sound of grass underneath their feet as they walked.

When they got on the carriage, it was in complete silence as well. Yujia looked out the window on her side of the carriage, watching the outside scenery as the driver began to move the horses pulling the carriage.

She thought about everything Zixu said carefully, going over every single word of his in her mind. That seemed to pass the time well, since soon enough, the carriage already arrived back at Lingxin.

Sighing, she exited the carriage. Zixu stepped off with her as well, standing by the side.

"I will be leaving," he said.

"Alright," she responded, her expression unchanging.

He went on, "I'll be gone for a while, actually."

This made her furrow her brows. "How long? Why?"

"I'm taking a business trip with my father, to Northern Zhou to trade with the merchants of that country. The journey will take long, perhaps a little more than a month."

A month? That was going to be a long time.

"So, you can take your time." Zixu smiled again. "It's fine if I don't get an answer today. I'll just get an answer after the trip. A month should be enough for a decision, isn't it?"

"Take care," Yujia murmured.

"Am I allowed to send you letters by pigeon?" he asked, expression light.

"I've never had anyone send me letters through pigeons before," she admitted, a slight laugh along with her words.

"Then, I'll take that as a 'yes,'" he concluded, leaning back.

"Sure, sure," she said, finally smiling. 

"See you in a month, then." 

Zixu bid her a word of farewell, bowing deeply. She replied the same, returning the formal bow. Then, he left, returning back to the carriage. Yujia stared at the back of the carriage as it drove away, her smile falling away again.

What was she going to do with Yu Zixu? Really, she didn't know that he was so persistent. Everything that happened today felt so surreal as well. She almost couldn't believe in the reality that she was in right now.

But, well, she supposed that she really did have a month to make sense of things.

Shaking her head and sighing, she stepped back into the villa.