Chapter 364 - Admitting the Artist’s Truth

It was the next day. 

Yujia had a bowl of medicine in one hand, a spoon in her other. She sat at her master's bedside, stirring the medicine. Sunlight streamed through the paper windows. Her master was propped up against the pole of the bed.

While she stirred the medicine, her master observed her movements, saying, "I can drink medicine by myself."

Yujia shook her head, her lips flattening into a thin line. "The medicine is still too hot; I don't want you to accidentally spill it over yourself."

"You act like I'm absolutely incapable of anything," her master snorted. "I haven't gotten weak enough to that point." 

But still, he didn't make any motions to take the medicine from her. Yujia continued stirring, waiting for the liquid to cool.

Softly, she asked, "Did you not drink your medicine on time before?"

"It was always a hassle to remember," he replied, looking away.

"But now you will, right?" she continued.

He looked back. "Of course. I realized there are far too many things I still need to see happen before my time is up. The papers to make you my granddaughter still need to be complete. I need to see Yunhe, that brat, get married. I need to see you get married as well."

The spoon clinked against the bowl, her stirring motions coming to a pause. She asked a different question than the confession that was on her mind, the knowledge that just yesterday, she had rejected the offer of marriage. "You think Yunhe will get married soon?"

"He has to at least find someone," her master said. "Besides, my physician is a good one. If I drink my medicine on time, I'm sure to last a few years. That should be enough time for Yunhe. And you, I'm not worried about. You're sure to get married soon."

"En," Yujia murmured, stirring the medicine again, swallowing the words she wanted to speak. "I'm sorry," she then said.

"What for?" He seemed almost startled.

"Lashing out yesterday. I shouldn't have."

Her master folded his hands in his lap. "I've never blamed you for anything. Not for anything in the past, not for anything recent. Your reaction back then was understandable. That's why I didn't want you to know." He paused, then went on, "And I… I'm sorry for not letting you know sooner. I really am, you know? It was a hard decision to make."

"You don't ever need to be sorry," Yujia replied quietly. "You've done so much for me. I am forever indebted to you, Master." 

"No. I am grateful that you entered my life." His head tilted down. "If only we had more time as master and disciple."

"I wish I came to this world earlier."

"I wish the same."

They were silent, hanging between the threads of wishes and reality. Yujia felt like she was going to cry again, but she blinked away the tears, putting on a smile. She would not cry this time.

"The medicine should be about right now," she said, handing the bowl to him.

He smiled back, eyes curving like they always did when he smiled. "Thank you."

Yujia chatted with her master for some longer. They no longer dwelled on the topic which haunted Yujia, instead taking this time to have simple small talk. They talked about everything, from the snowy weather to her pet dog to the best kinds of wine to the irresponsible decisions that certain government officials were making. Her heart felt more at ease with these talks than it had been the past morning and day.

And then, right in the midst of discussing the return of the soldiers to the capital, Yujia was interrupted by a servant. 

"Disciple Yu is looking for you," the servant informed with a deep bow.

Yujia's eyes lit up, remembering how Zixu promised to see her again today. Nevertheless, she glanced over at her master. Would it be alright for her to leave?

He almost seemed happier than her that Zixu arrived. Waving his hand, he grunted, "It's about time for me to get some sleep. You go meet with that kid."

…

The weather was even colder today, but Yujia felt her heart warm up when she saw that Zixu wore the cloak she gave him yesterday. He stood outside the villa, by the gardens, hands tucked within the sleeves of the cloak.

"It's cold, isn't it?" she called out. Even with a down cloak, this chill of this outdoor temperature was sure to be felt.

Zixu gave a half shrug, responding, "Somewhat."

"Let's go indoors."

…

Once inside, the warmth of the furnace keeping the room at a comfortable temperature, Yujia poured them both a cup of steaming tea. Zixu accepted it gladly, taking a long sip. She sat across from him, fingers wrapped around her own cup of tea.

"I have some news," Zixu brought up.

"News?" she echoed, praying that it was anything but bad. Though, she figured by how relaxed Zixu appeared, it wouldn't be anything too serious.

"Father does not seem upset with your identity. I talked to him about engagement, and he agreed. The moment your master officially adopts you, we'll begin sending over engagement gifts. He wants to test our birthdates and compatibility too, so expect that happening soon."

"That's wonderful," Yujia replied.

"I was thinking the same," Zixu agreed, then paused. "Though… my workload will also be lessening over the next few days."

Yujia was a bit taken aback by how his expression almost seemed to hold notes of wariness at what should've been such good news. Hesitating for a moment, she said, "That's good too." 

Her confusion at his doubt was clarified when Zixu said, "It's only because I'm going to Luoyang."

"Luoyang?" Her eyebrows furrowed at the sound of that city. "Didn't you just go on a trip?" 

"It's customary for a merchant to be frequently traveling. Father wants me to go there to monitor our business in that city, as part of the learning experience. Even so, he says my time spent at Luoyang will have much less work, and it's less of a work trip than it is a vacation."

"But it's winter." Yujia almost laughed. "Who goes on vacation during the winters? Are the iced roads and blizzarding weather not dangerous?"

She already knew from her experience going on a trip that any long-distance travels were sure to be packed with hazards.

"I know; it's slightly peculiar that he wants me to go on this sudden trip. But we truly have some production and shipment issues that he wants me to manage in Luoyang."

"How long will you be there for?"

Zixu's gaze held hesitation again before he admitted, "Half a year."

Yujia's expression fell at the sound of that. "So we are to be apart for another half year?"

She just returned from her trip that had left them months apart. Before that, he had also returned from a long-distance trip of his own. Sure, they had letters to communicate. But to be constantly apart at such repetitive intervals was something that strained Yujia's feelings.

"I know what you're concerned about," Zixu said, "I have the same concerns. That's why I was thinking about if you would like to come with me. We could go to Luoyang together." As he spoke, he began to smile, the enthusiasm growing on his expression. "It wouldn't be too bad if we were together. We could see the sights the city has to offer; we could have a good time. Haven't you wanted to travel the world together one day? This could be the first step to that."

Except now, of all times? 

She parted her lips, but she didn't know how to break it to him. She had tried so hard to not think about it. So hard to not let it plague her mind with never-ending worries.

Yet Zixu, as observant as he always was, knew the moment his words went wrong. He caught the way her expression froze, the way she bit the inside of her cheek, the way she broke eye contact and looked away.

"What is it?" he said, lowering his voice to a quiet volume. "What's wrong?"

Yujia's eyes met his. "I-I can't leave," she spoke, hands curling up at her side. "I have to stay."

"Why?" he prodded.

She felt herself freezing up even more, every fiber of hers screaming to not say the words. But Zixu deserved to know. He should know the reasons. The truth shouldn't be held back because of her petty fears.

And so, she opened her mouth.

"My master… does not have much time left." She blinked. "He's… dying."

They were such simple words, but words she was running away from all this time. It was almost as if had she never spoken those words, they weren't true, but now that she had let them roll off her tongue, they were.

They were, and they had always been.

She knew it as well, hadn't she? It was a fact that had been talked about so many times, the only difference being this time, she was the one saying it. Except, despite how much she had been faced with this truth, when she said it for the first time, it hurt just that much more.