Chapter 366 - The Artist Searches for Happiness

"I—" Yujia's hangs wrung together. She realized that all along, her palms had been sweating. "I want to be… happy, of course."

"Then, your path to take is clear," Zixu replied.

Yujia cast her gaze down on the table, thinking over everything Zixu said. Cherish her time with her master. Find happiness in her last memories of him.

It wasn't something she never considered. In fact, that was what she had wanted to do. The difference was just that in the past, towards this kind of behavior, Yujia had nothing but guilt lacing her every step. She wasn't finding true happiness, not when every thought of her master could bring her to tears at any moment.

It would take time, of course. All things took time, be it healing, acceptance, or grasping onto light once more. But if Yujia gave it the time it needed, instead of trapping herself in a cage of darkness, it would be better, wouldn't it? 

What Zixu said was correct. She needed to learn to slowly take those steps into happiness. No rushing; no sinking.

"You know," Yujia said, looking up again with a small smile, "what would I do without your advice? Or more, what would I do without you?"

Zixu laughed lightly. "I suppose it's a good thing I'm here, then." His expression then fell, eyes slightly casting to the side. As carefully spoken as always, he asked in a gentle voice, "What do you think about Luoyang?"

"I obviously… can't go," Yujia answered. She bit the inside of her lip. Her statement earlier must've reminded Zixu of his scheduled business trip to Luoyang. "And…" she continued, "must you go? Is it truly impossible for you to stay?"

Tilting his head in thought for a few moments, Zixu told her, "Perhaps I won't have to depart. It's possible for a change in arrangements to be made. I'll just have to talk to Father about it." 

"Really?" Yujia's eyes widened, shining. 

"Of course. I don't think it would be right to leave for half a year, when things are like this for you."

The thought of Zixu staying for her circ_u_mstances tug a bit at Yujia's heart. "I know how important this trip is for you. I'm sorry for burdening you."

"What did I say before?" Zixu raised an eyebrow. "Don't feel guilty over this. I'm making this decision myself. I don't think I could rest well in Luoyang knowing that I departed like that. Furthermore, I don't want us to be apart for such frequently long intervals at a time."

Yujia pursed her lips. "Fine. I'll take it like that."

"En, as you should."

At that, Zixu gave a pleased smile, which made Yujia grin slightly as well. It was hard for her to not smile when Zixu was smiling so wholesomely. 

"Also…" her voice then trailed off.

"What is it?" Zixu asked, propping his arms up on the table, resting his face in his hands.

Curling her fingers around her cup on the table, Yujia hesitated for a moment before blurting, "Should we get married soon?"

This sudden question seemed to take Zixu aback. He blinked a few times. As Yujia looked in his eyes, she could see the realizations appearing in his gaze, likely as he concluded her statement must've been because of her master's illness.

After a brief moment, Zixu finally said, "That's what I originally hoped for, so I wouldn't say no to doing that. Except, I'd have to ask again, do you really want to?"

"I thought about it a bit, and I think it's the best decision. It's bound to happen sooner than later, isn't it? Like you may have guessed, it's also what my master wishes for. I'd feel bad if I didn't fulfill his last wishes, and as you've said before, I should do things that make me happy. Both fulfilling his wish and getting married to you… I think those would bring me some joy, don't you think?" 

Zixu shook his head, grinning. "I can't argue with that."

"My perfect logic," Yujia remarked, taking a sip of tea.

"So, it's set like that." Zixu leaned back. A tad bit slack-jawed, he admitted, "Now that we've agreed like this, everything feels so different. Surreal certainanity. It's an oxymoron in and of itself."

Yujia agreed, "It really is. We're getting married. A month ago— or no, even yesterday— if you asked me how I thought things would be at this very moment, I don't think I would've envisioned that. But now that we're at this point, I'm not unhappy." She smiled brightly. "Quite the opposite of unhappy, actually."

"I'm glad you feel that way. I do too." Zixu paused for a moment. "Though, ah, if I knew we would decide on this today, I would've been more prepared."

"It was a spur of the moment thing. How could you be prepared, unless you were a precognitive god?" Yujia teased.

"Well, I mean, I figured this would be an event that was important enough to warrant a bit more formalities. A gift from me, at least."

"Didn't you say your family would be sending over engagement gifts soon? Those would be enough, wouldn't they?"

"It's a lot of impersonal things, though. Things I don't think you or I would really care for. They're mainly a show for our families, after all." Zixu narrowed his eyes in thought. "Tokens of love… don't couples usually do something like that?"

Yujia thought about everything Zixu gave her. In the history of their relationship, there had always been quite a bit of gift-exchanging. Thus, she blurted, "Do you think birthday gifts count as those?"

"The seal stamps and the cloak?" 

Yujia nodded. Then, soon after, she shook her head. "Ah, now that I think of it, those shouldn't count." She clasped her hands together. "I'll surely find you something!" 

"I will too," Zixu replied in a promise.

And so, that was how the two of them casually decided on what others must've deemed as such an important topic.