50 Why Was It Him?

Qiu Yue kept telling herself that everything was alright, that she was fine. And that was what made that day even more painful.

After the concert, Qiu Yue dived back into work like there was no tomorrow and just kept working. She just wanted to keep herself occupied, to stop thinking.

She knew the moment she stopped, she might not be able to hang on anymore. But for some reason there was something bothering her, it almost felt like a stone over her heart and she couldn't help feeling like something was going very wrong.

But she kept pretending that everything was okay. Days kept going by and at one point she felt less alive and more dead.

Xiang Yu Se supported his sister, posting fangirling videos, reacting to her concert videos and music videos, effectively being known as a  sis-con by everyone. Unfortunately as he was actively shooting a movie currently, he couldn't come and see Qiu Yue.

Liang ZiQin did end up joining the agency, but under another manager of course! Sadly, because she had so much work she wasn't able to meet Qiu Yue at all and she really felt cheated by fate.

Qiao Feng should've felt happy seeing Qiu Yue work so hard, but he didn't. He felt very worried and fear started to creep into his heart, though he didn't know why and what he could do to stop it. All he knew was that Qiu Yue was burning herself out, so many times he and Yao Yan had tried to stop her, force her to rest, and yet she'd come back and continue as though her health and well-being didn't matter.

Interestingly even Yao Yan would disappear some times, but before that she'd look at Qiu Yue with a complicated gaze.

"I'm trying to find her something, I'm searching for hope."

That was all she said to Qiao Feng before disappearing again.

For a month, as Qiu Yue slowly self destructed, Qiao Feng was left in better shape. Obviously he could scream or shout at her, force her to do anything, so he kept watch, pulling her away from the fire when she got too close.

Days passed and it had already been almost a year since Qiu Yue had come to this world. It was almost midnight and Qiu Yue sitting in her private recording room, holding her guitar as she absentmindedly strummed a few strings.

Qiao Feng had to leave for a few hours, he'd looked at her as though to check if she was listening.

"Today is... kind of important so I'll be back in a few hours. Please be here, okay?"

Qiu Yue nodded and gave Qiao Feng an empty smile, which only served to worry him more. Looking at her, who was busy trying to figure out which style suited the song, he thought that nothing should go wrong. At most he'd be gone for an hour, maybe two.

Reassuring himself with words he didn't know if he believed, Qiao Feng quickly left to go visit his parents.

Qiu Yue started at the empty paper on front of her and threw her pen away in frustration. For some reason she felt so restless, like something was wrong. Very wrong.

She shook her head, trying her best to ignore that feeling then decided to throw some water on her face to wake up. In the washroom mirror, a messy face looked back at her. Deep dark circles, chapped lips and messy hair... if she didn't get her act together soon then any appearances she had would  be cancelled. There was no way she could go out in front of the cameras in this condition.

She was about to look away in annoyance when something caught her eye, swinging in front of her chest was the ring she wore around her neck. Her wedding band...

And then almost as if she were Alice, she started to spiral down into the darkness as she finally realized why she'd felt like that. It was today.

December 19.

It was his birthday...

All because she'd been trying so hard to be fine, she'd almost forgotten him. She almost felt like laughing. She could remember, suddenly, telling him that they'd always celebrate it big every year, forever. Instead she'd closed up her memories and shoved them away.

How was it that everything she did was so wrong? Everything?

Smiling to herself, at how utterly wrong she had been, Qiu Yue walked out into the welcoming yet uncharacteristic chilling rain.

At this time of the night, in this cold, there really was no one outside. Qiu Yue sat outside in the pouring rain for some time, yet there were no tears but the thoughts in her head were going haywire.

She should've been sad, she did miss him but all that played in her head were all those times with Huo Zi Feng where she was truly happy. Suddenly she stood up, this environment in the dark with the rain falling was clouding her memories. She felt like taking a ride in the rain.

She hurried to the parking lot for the two wheeler vehicles and let out a relieved smile as she spotted Qiao Feng's bike. She had his extra key with herself, he always kept one in his office in case someone needed it and it happened that today he'd taken the car.

Qiu Yue hated driving, but it wasn't that she didn't know how to. She'd learnt slowly and Huo Zi Feng has helped, though there was never a reason for her to drive so she simply hadn't. Today, for some reason she felt like letting loose as she whizzed past the empty streets.

She debated for a few seconds, wondering if she wanted the helmet. (Of course you should wear it, it's very important!)

She finally decided against it, vaulting herself onto the bike, she set out and for the first time time in weeks she could no longer fake a smile.

Her thoughts went back to the memories she had locked up. Even though tears no longer fell from her eyes, the happiness she felt in her thoughts was crushing her because she could see how much she was missing. She aimlessly roamed the streets, trying to shirk off that uncomfortable weight in her chest as it tightened with every other memory.

Finally she couldn't help but give up, she couldn't run away from him, she could run away from the truth of how happy she had been and she couldn't run away from how much she missed him.

She gripped the handle of the bike tightly as she slowed down near an infamous cliff side. Parking it next to the elevated side walk to keep people from swerving off the road into the water 60ft below.

Qiu Yue didn't even hesitate as she sat facing the water, her legs dangling in free air. The rain that had stopped momentarily, started up again and even harder.

Her voice barely even a whisper, as it cracked when she said the words of the song, unable to sing.

"Say something... I'm giving up on you."

Why couldn't it be that he'd somehow still been alive? Maybe all this had been a bad dream. Even thoughts she knew were utterly ridiculous and yet hope rang like a blaring alarm in her head.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you...

She felt so sorry. She could've tried to protect him, to save him? Why didn't she ever think? How could she have thought that the world would've let her be happy?

"Anywhere I... would have followed you too."

To everyone it had seemed like he would've followed her anywhere, while she was the one to lead. They didn't know that it was the same for her, she'd gotten so used to living with him, now that he'd disappeared she didn't want to stay either. 

And yet with the system keeping her alive, how could she ever truly die? It was like the very thing that had let her meet him was now keeping them apart.

This thought was so ironic for reasons no one had known yet.

At this point the rain has grown to its strongest capacity and her lone figure looked like it would break under the pressure. Even the water in front of her had become increasingly agitated.

With just a light push... this could all end.

"Ah Yue!"

Qiu Yue's eyes widened as a panicked voice shouted her name and she looked back to see Qiao Feng's face. This man who always took care of her, tried to cheer her up and right now looked like a mess and yet was still worried about her.

She was sure he'd run around looking for her. His usual work suit was soaked wet, his dark hair was completely drenched as the rain fell hard onto him.

This man who so resembled her own. She knew he liked her, the panic that colored his eyes made this fact apparent, and yet she couldn't bring herself to feel happy. Instead... instead every time she saw him she wanted to cry. That feeling, that she was missing something, someone would stab into her heart relentlessly. 

Why?

Why was it only when she saw him?

When she was around him?

She couldn't understand at all.

She couldn't understand why those tears that had escaped her till now, were suddenly stinging her eyes.