I had pretty much given up on dating apps. Whoever thought that it was easier with women looking for women was very wrong. I saw a lot of beautiful women, and swiped right a lot—but I was not connecting with Ms. Right.
When I saw Zara, I thought I was going to lose my mind. She was so pretty, and it felt like I had hit the jackpot because she had liked one of my obscure pictures and made a comment that was pretty witty.
She also had no issue with messaging me after we matched, unlike a lot of other people who liked you and then ghosted.
We set up a date right away, and of course, I saw my ex, Zadie, looked gorgeous as ever, sitting alone at the bar. Why had I been surprised? It was the bar that we met at just blocks from my apartment. But Zadie had always been a workaholic, and I was pretty sure that she was going to be at the office that night.
Or at least that was the story that I told myself to justify why I was at our bar of all places on the first date I had had since we broke up.
"Bianca?" I saw Zara smile, and walk over to me. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.
I hated myself for not being able to focus on her at all. How could I with Zadie there and even worse, I probably picked a girl with a name that started with a Z because it reminded me of Zadie.
"Bianca?"
This time my name was a question with concern in her voice, I looked at Zara and she looked at the frown on my lips.
"That is my ex over there by the bar, I'm sorry. I've been looking at her and I am not ready to be out with anyone. I'm so sorry."
"It is okay," Zara said, looking a little relieved. "I just broke up with someone too as I told you and I am not ready either. But you have to force yourself to be sometimes! Listen, you have my number if you ever change your mind."
"Thank you for understanding," I said, and she kissed my cheek again.
Zadie pretended that she did not notice me which let me know that she absolutely did see me. I watched her talk to the woman next to her, maybe about business? When the woman left, I got up and stood in front of Zadie, and she looked up from her phone. She avoided looking at me directly, which let me know that she was definitely trying to hide something from me. Her feelings?
But I was past that, I missed her and wanted her and I was not ashamed of it. She was going to come home with me, and it was going to be whatever it was in the moment if nothing else. We just had broken up—I knew if I missed her this much, she had to miss me a little.
I was usually the shyer one between the two of us. But tonight I was different, I was the one taking charge.
"Come with me," I said and my command was double-ended, but it was what I meant.
"Where?" she asked looking at me, and I could tell now that she was looking at every bit of me. Later she would take in even more of me because I was wearing her favorite set of lingerie. It was the set I wore the first time we were together. I considered them lucky that night, and I was hoping they would be lucky this night as well.
"Where do you think Zadie? To my place. Don't make me ask again, I think you want this as much as I do."
I was ballsy as f.u.c.k—I was not sure that she felt the same way I did but I wanted her and I was not going to be deterred.
She looked at me quizzically, but she did follow me and I let that success boost me.
I looked up as we were walking outside, and the lights were on in her office window.
"Were you going back to work?" I looked at her.
She smiled at me, following my gaze to her office building.
"The lights will turn off on their own." She smiled.
That was how we met, Zadie was a workaholic and I lived nearby so I would always see her at the bar. She would have a glass of wine and her paperwork and then she would go back to her office I found out one evening that we were sitting together. I was actually a lot more assertive than I thought because I had not sat next to her by accident. I made sure to get that seat and we started talking. After a few nights, I asked her if she wanted to come to my place.
"Were you planning on going back to work?" I had asked her that to night and she had smiled and said that the lights would turn off by themselves.
I felt a little guilty for grabbing her because I knew it was the busy season at her job but I missed her so much.
As soon as my apartment door closed, I touched her face and c.a.r.e.s.sed her cheeks before I kissed her. Her mouth was warm and receptive, and she pressed herself to me.
My hands moved down her coat, damp from outside so I took it off of her. She licked my lips as I moved in close to unbutton it, I kissed her and palmed her b.r.e.a.s.ts with my hands.
She took off my coat and it was not long before we were standing in a puddle of our clothes by my door. Zadie looked up and down at me in my lucky u.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r. She was wearing the first set I had ever gotten for her. Mine was fluorescent green, maybe even more yellow than green. Hers was green and lacy, not what I had intended to get for her but as soon as I saw the set I knew I wanted to see it on her. Right now I was soaking between my legs more than it was outside, looking at her in the lacy green set and the way she continued to look at me in mine. Mine had a garter belt which I pulled at and adjusted as I walked to my bedroom. I stood by the mirror and waited for her. She came into the room and stood in front of me. It felt like a dream because I had wanted her back here for weeks since we had broken up. I kept remembering kissing her and more in this room, she was here so much it was almost like she had lived with me. Nights were rough without her against my expensive sheets, I could feel her against me even though she wasn't there.
But now she was and I played with the tiny heart pendant that I had given her as a gift. She had been thinking of me, she was wearing the u.n.d.e.r.w.e.a.r I gave her and the necklace I gave her as a gift——but it was me who was putting an end to our separation.
I twisted the heart around her neck, and then licked her b.r.e.a.s.t before I kissed it and then her lips. I saw the tattoo on her left shoulder blade in the mirror and c.a.r.e.s.sed it as I kissed her. Seeing us kissing before the mirror was like watching female-friendly p.o.r.n before we got to the feature presentation. My foundation had a bit of sparkle to it so I saw my lips shimmer against hers, and saw how passionately she reciprocated my kisses.
We kissed for a long time. I savoured her lips against mine, her tongue in my mouth. It was almost enough just to be with her close like this, kissing. Before the first time that we made love, we kissed for such a long time it felt like the main event and what happened after was just like extras.
But we jumped onto the bed almost at the same time because it was not enough just to kiss each other after such a long time. We broke up because she was working so hard at her job, and she was coming home so late that we barely had time together. To be honest, I met her like that so it was not really fair for me to put so much pressure on her but the thing was that I wanted to be with her all of the time. We had only been together for a few months, so it was still a honeymoon phase for me. But being without her let me know that I wanted to be with her all of the time especially past that honeymoon phase, if not forever.
I wanted her no matter what.
Giggling, I got on top of her and kissed her all over. She was so sweet even after a long day at the office, her neck, her b.r.e.a.s.ts, her stomach… and I knew her p.u.s.s.y was sweet.
I could smell her then, the warm scent of her arousal and I stopped kissing her sweet bud n.i.p.p.l.es that were a delicate pink colour that made me salivate and reached under her lacy p.a.n.t.i.e.s to touch her. I needed to feel she was wet for me, I needed to feel that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. At this point, I was so wet for her the crotch of my p.a.n.t.i.e.s stuck to me.
Zadie was so wet too, and she g.r.o.a.n.e.d when I touched her with p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e and neediness. I knew her sounds—I knew that she wanted this as much as I did.
I licked my fingers to taste her, and then I needed to put my mouth on her. I kissed the pretty green lace that I had imagined on her from the time I bought it and could taste her so sweet through it. Zadie took off its lacy counterpart as I did and then kissed and licked her b.a.r.e p.u.s.s.y. Tasting her transported me in time to when we were together every night, and her p.u.s.s.y was mine. All mine whenever I wanted it to taste, to lick, to f.u.c.k it. Being without her left a taste in my mouth for that lost p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e always, and to taste her again was amazing. Her sounds let me know she liked what I was doing and made me feel even higher.
It was now that Zadie's passion started to awaken. Between her legs, she began to move so that I would lick her as she needed me to and I was only too happy to oblige. I wanted to relieve her tension from work and make her feel amazing.
Still squirming and sweet underneath me, her movement let me know just what she needed from me. I rubbed her delicate skin, and she sat up partially to kiss me and touch me in kind. Kissing and touching each other, I g.r.o.a.n.e.d underneath my kisses. It felt too good, as I f.u.c.k.e.d her with my finger because I wanted to be inside of her and feel her warmth.
Zadie put her hand over mine, I knew that she was coming close because I could feel it from inside of her. She pushed me over lightly and spread my legs apart. I started m.o.a.ning even before she put her mouth on me—I had been craving her mouth on me the whole time. Between wanting to lick her p.u.s.s.y and have her lick mine I was not sure which I wanted more. I wanted us both to feel good. She knew exactly how to p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e me, and I grew louder and louder with my m.o.a.ns as I touched her. I sat up to look at her l.i.c.k.i.n.g me which was the most beautiful sight in the world to me. I watched until she made me come. I kissed her sweet stomach and licked her n.i.p.p.l.es again, her body was so amazing I wanted my mouth all over it. She bent before me on the bed as I lay spread out and I helped her take off her p.a.n.t.i.e.s before she bent over my face and we fit together in a perfect sixty-nine position.
We always fit together so well, as I licked her from behind and felt her n.i.p.p.l.e perfectly slip into the dip of my navel, we fingered each other simultaneously and it felt almost like my c.l.i.t would come off as she rubbed it before she licked it so leisurely and I came again.
I was used to multiple o.r.g.a.s.ms with her as I lay with my legs open, swollen and blissed out. I got on my hands and knees, and Zadie kissed me from behind—one of my favourite positions. I felt so animal on my knees and the p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e she gave from drew guttural m.o.a.ns from me.
Kneeling together then, I picked up my—our—double-ended dildo. I had never really used a dildo before Zadie and certainly not one meant for two. But she had taught me the savage p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e of it as we moved together and each movement initiated some new joy for her or me.
If she would have me again, and here we were together again.
We licked both sides of the dildo like we were licked popsicles when I was a little girl outside with my friends. But this was for a different kind of p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e, a much more heated p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e, and not the icy fun that those pops had been on a hot summer day.
Entering ourselves with either end of the dildo, I cried out as I looked at Zadie mirroring me with gentle paroxysms of p.l.e.a.s.u.r.e as we moved and caused waves of excitement for each other. We looked like twins as we moved and touched ourselves, touched out c.l.i.ts in sync to the sensation of the dildo inside of us.
It was so good, almost too good, and it almost hurt when I came for the third time. The third time was indeed the charm as I slipped the dildo out of me, and licked it tasting the proof of my d.e.s.i.r.e while I looked at the object of my d.e.s.i.r.e. Her eyes were glazed over in the way they were when she was feeling blissed out and we started kissing again. Too spent at this point to keep giving each other o.r.g.a.s.ms, but still wanting to be close.
Still being in love, at least for me.
"I still love you, Bianca," she said softly. "I am sorry I could not be what you wanted me to be."
Placing fevered kisses to her temple and her cheek, I said against her soft skin.
"I am sorry too, Zadie, I didn't respect what your work is to you and I am sorry for that. But I cannot live without you. I just have to be more patient."
We looked at each other and then kissed again. Our kisses were acknowledgements of the love we had professed for each other.
This time when I went to the bar, I knew exactly who I was coming to see. Zadie looked so s.e.xy with her glasses and suitcase sipping a glass of red wine and there was an extra glass next to it.
For me.
She smiled when she saw me, and I walked toward her and greeted her with a kiss.
I sat next to her, and she took off her jacket. Through her crisp white blouse, I could see the outline of the bra that I had given her. I was wearing my lucky set as well. It was our month anniversary back together, and of course, it was a night that she had to work. This time instead of being impatient I told her I would come to the bar and have a drink with her before she went back to the office.
That we would celebrate when she had more time to devote to me hopefully on the weekend—but her job was not always exempt on the weekend either.
I picked up my glass, and we clinked them.
"Happy anniversary baby, I love you so much," I said and kissed her. There was a light sprinkling of cheers about the room as we kissed and when I pulled back from her, Zadie blushed.
"I love you so much baby, you are always here for me."
We sat together and kissed, when we moved apart Zadie handed me a box.
"What is this?" I smiled.
"Open it, my love."
I was not a neat gift opener and as the ripped paper fell to the floor along with the bow as I opened the box. Inside was two sets of lingerie in magenta and fuchsia in our close to matching sizes.
"Let's make these lucky too," Zadie said sipping her finger discreetly into the lacy divide of my lucky bra.
"Oh, luck will be a lady tonight!" I declared.