[Vol 1] Chapter 31

I wanted to believe it was fate.

It must have been fate. It must be. He was right there. He noticed me, he surely noticed me.

Looked at me. With those dark shades of red in his eyes.  That look of surprise, and realization.

A collected gaze alone that looked like they would see through everything and anything.

Just his presence alone, had immediately melted my heart.

That person, I could never mistake him for somebody else.

I ran up to the edge of the cage even with my battered body, I called out his name.

White… White…! That is your name, right? 

I’m over here, I’m right here… so please…! Please, help me...

“G-a...h… ack…!” I cried out in between choking gasps. I could only emit garbled noises that made no sense at all. It was then that I realized my throat had been too parched from screaming when I had been captured.  

I desperately wet my lips with what saliva i had left.

Help me, I cried out. Ignoring the dead eyes looking at me in the cage, I cried out with all my strength. My actions seemed to have caused a commotion, and the humans who were around the carriage noticed the ears and tail of a wolf-kin.

“Wait… Isn’t that… a dirty beast-kin!”

"Get out of our city, you demon spawn!!" 

"Yeah, we don't welcome you, bitch!"

"Cut those ears off, and she'll be a looker, hehehe."

“Wow, it's true! It’s a beast-kin slave!"

"Mama, look at her, why does she have a tail?”

People started to clamor around me, and the guards became agitated from the waves of people extending their hands into the cage to touch me.

"You whore! Suck me!" One man yelled out as he swam through the crowd. He slammed his hands against the metal bars where I was, and looked at me with filthy eyes.

"How about it, why don't you show us those slutty breasts of yours!" He licked his lips as his disgusting spit splattered onto me.

My face twitched.

Filthy. Filthy. Filthy...!!! Disgusting men who only have sex on their minds...!

I felt increasingly uncomfortable, yet I continued to pretend I didn't hear that man, those cat-calls, and the disturbing, mocking laughter in the crowd; their shaming of my body as they looked at me with obscene eyes, were just like the faces of those men who had raided the village. I didn’t want their foul attention on me. I hated it, but I endured them. I endured them and continued calling out to him.

"Hey, I'm talking to you! You lowly beast-kin!" He continued to provoke me, until a guard pulled him away.

That's right, go away.

Only him... Only he could look at me that way. I gnashed my teeth as time passed in vain. Even then, my voice wouldn’t come out no matter how much I tried. I tried for the fourth time, before one of the guards noticed and hit me with a stick.

I fell down weakly, blood trickling down my forehead.

"What are you doing man! Boss is going to get mad at us if we damage the goods!" The guard beside the other yelled out. 

"Shut up! It's all because of this shit! Why can't she make our jobs easier?! Fucking... beast-kins!"

"Hey, I told you to stop!"

"What's your problem man, it's just an overpriced whore. With the same amount of money, I can buy a month's worth in the brothels!"

When he hit me with a stick again, the other guard pushed him away. But I knew that he wasn't really protecting me because he wanted to. His eyes were looking at me as if I were an expensive piece of good. He was only concerned about his money. The two guards began to get into an argument, but their voices were long drowned out in my head.

I didn't care about them, or what they thought about me... These men were tasteless. No matter how much they tried, I would never sell my heart to them. I would only keep my feelings for one person alone.

There was only him in my head, always. Only him.

My hands slid down the bars, and my body slowly sunk back down. 

“Aa-ah…” I could only make pathetic yelps.

...It’s useless. He probably didn’t hear me, I thought.

I began to doubt myself then. Would he even think about the insignificant demihuman slave he had saved by chance? It was far more likely that he had forgotten all about me. After all, I understood my own place. We lived in completely different worlds. I was a slave, someone who had already been defiled. I didn’t deserve happiness. 

My chest started to tighten uncomfortably, and tears started to flow out of my eyes.

I felt so miserable. The thought of never being able to see him again was suffocating. 

I hugged my legs together, and burrowed my face in between my knees. The chains on my wrists rattled as they moved.

My consciousness from having exerted all my strength, slowly fading to black. The human slaves who were cowering in a corner looked at me, as if I was crazy. But they were the ones who didn’t understand how I felt. The intensity of my feelings was something that not even I could control. Ahh, ahh... I really want to… see him again—

( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )... She had a very pleasant dream. ...( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

—When I woke up, I was in a fevered state.

My eyes slowly opened while my mind was still half-conscious, but that murkiness gradually cleared. And then— deep disappointment painted me as reality sank in. 

Ah, so that’s what it was. The things that I had done just earlier were just… dreams. A feeling of emptiness filled my chest. The weight leaning against my body had disappeared, along with the warmth of his embrace. They were all gone, leaving my heart and body confused and stimulated. 

I traced my hand down to my waist to stave off that feverish thirst that was welling up within my body. To extend those passionate feelings for even a moment longer, I sought to recreate the fulfillment I felt intensely just moments ago.

“Ahh… ahhn…”

My fingers wriggled around frantically, and I let out a sigh when my body reached its peak. A wave of heat rose within me, and everything slowly turned to white. 

“Ha...ah… t-there! Whi...te…! White! White!” I cried out the name repeatedly, chasing after his image left so vividly in my head.

“I-I’m coming… C-Coming!! Aaauuuuu—!!” 

As I reached my climax, I howled out like a beast, with my tail straightened as if it a jolt of electricity ran through it.

I panted out heavily, steamy puffs of hot air let out in this cold, dark place. In that moment, I had forgotten all about my worries, only basking in the afterglow of pleasure. My heart beat rapidly, and when it receded I was left with a sloven expression on my face.

I came to my senses a moment later, and the shame washed over me.

“...I actually… d-did it again…” I muttered with tearful eyes. My legs clamped together, now feeling slightly cold from the sensitive rashes around my waist.

I’m actually a pervert, aren’t I. To fantasize about having that done to me by that human male. Presenting my heart and body in the most depraved way possible, trying out the best positions that would make him happy… Even in my dreams, I comforted myself with the human a-as… my… p-p-partner…

—The simple fact remained that I had indeed fallen in love with that human. 

So easily, so conveniently. He who had just so happened to come into my heart at a time when I had been most vulnerable, had become the target of my fantasies. He would embrace me gently, whispering hot sighs into my ears every night. His caresseses would be gentle and warm as we fornicated like couples do, making me feel like I was loved again. 

Of course, these situations only occurred in my imagination and in my dreams. I never actually got to know him. But still, to think that deep down, I was still shameless enough to want to be treated that way.

“...Uuu…” A flush of red boiled over my face. I moved my fingers before my eyes, a thin strand of sticky fluid separated between them as I opened my palm wide.

I-It’s gotten so wet. I’m… a bad girl… 

If my past self could see me right now, she wouldn’t believe that she would be this depraved when she grew up. Though I felt a sense of liberation whenever I did it, I felt slightly concerned over my lack of resistance against these urges of mine every night.

...Or was it only because I was a cheap woman, who would spread her legs open for anyone who gave me the slightest bit of care? 

I had seen slaves who had ‘fallen in love’.

With their senses diluted, everything that was not ‘painful’, became a luxury. They would become intimate with the same people who had kept them captive. A way of deceiving themselves, to keep their sanity before they break down inevitably.

It was the illusion of love, created from an environment that lacked love.

So perhaps, what I am feeling right now is merely an illusion.

Maybe I had only mistaken gratitude for love; a seed of doubt was planted in me.

I understood that. I understood all of it. I thought I wouldn’t be like them.

Despite my misgivings, I knew— I didn’t want his visage to fade away in my mind. I would dream of him every night, just so I wouldn’t forget about him. Only he was different. If we were together, maybe I could experience happiness again, I began to have these kinds of unrealistic thoughts. 

I began to empathize slightly with how those slaves felt when they entrusted themselves to another. That sweet titillation of both physical and mental reliance entwined, finally released from the never-ending cycle of depression and fear was so liberating. Even if those feelings may not be real, it was truly intoxicating to someone who was hard-starved for attention and care. 

But even then, even with these feelings bottled up inside of me, I already knew that I had squandered the second chance that was given to me. 

As I relaxed backwards, the clamoring sounds of metal bars reminded me of where I was again.

...That’s right, my freedom was fleeting. Through a series of misfortunes, I had been captured in the mountains by yet another slave trader. Even though he had gone his way to set me free, I was so easily captured by the men far stronger than me.

In this dark cage, I understood why I was the only one who was kept alone separate from the rest. Having the label as the “rare beast-kin slave”, there was no doubt that I was going to be sold off to another rich man again.

A life without dignity awaited me once more. Would my heart break first, or my body? I shivered at the thought of that dark future.

That life of slavery where everything was stripped away, oppressed, left with a life that’s bought from scraps. The life of grovelling before my masters’ feet, and do whatever they told me to do. With this thing on my neck, we were not even allowed to kill ourselves. 

I felt despair. I didn’t want to become a pet, a toy, an object for those perverted bastards, any more. Even if I had long lost my chastity, I no longer fathom the thought of another man touching my body ever again. 

The only one who could, was him.

I lied down to the side, curling myself into a fetus position while looking into the dark blankly.

“Will he… really come...” I whimpered softly with my eyes closed tightly.

It feels like tears would come out at any moment now, but I held them. I believed in him. I wanted to think that I believed in him. However unrealistic it was, I held onto a thin thread of hope.

... ... ...

“...Huh?” My ears twitched. 

There was some sort of commotion outside again. 

They were muffled and indistinct, but I could definitely hear them. 

Screams, and cries. With the senses of a wolf-kin, I sniffed the scent of fear in the air.

What was happening outside?

I couldn’t leave the cage, so I simply looked at the door with a strange nervousness filling me. 

Seconds passed, and the voices became louder and louder.

Suddenly, I heard someone banging on the other side of the door, causing me to flinch greatly.

“OPEN UP! OPEN, GODDAMNIT!”

“Shit, I don’t want to die like this!” 

I heard the voices clearly. They were the two guards from earlier.

“The keys… where are the keys!”

“There, that guy lying over there!” 

“You get it!”

“No, fuck that! You go get it!”

“Don't be a pussy! There’s no more time! Look, I’ll be on the lookout instead okay?! Now go!”

“Shit! You better remember this!” I heard one grumble, and a pair of footsteps grew distant.

But he quickly returned, much to my dismay.

A few minutes later, I heard the clinking of metal against the door. 

They were most likely trying to get in here. My face paled when I realized that I was in no condition to receive them right now. There was still a small puddle under my legs left from what I did earlier. If they saw me in this state, they would surely—

I immediately worked to scoop them away from sight. But I was worried that they might still pick up the feminine scent wafting in this room. They might still notice it...!

No... No, I don't want this... I don't want to be raped! Please go away...! GO AWAY!

“Hurry up!” The other guard chided. I shivered at that voice filled with aggression. They weren't going to stop.

‘Whore!’ ‘Slut!’ ‘Filthy beast-kin!’

Those voices from earlier rang in my ears, and my body became even more stiff. 

“—It’s coming! It’s really coming this way! Fucking open it already!” I heard one yell out. 

What…? Who were they referring to? What were they running away from?

“I KNOW! I KNOW! It’s just, there’s so many keys…!”

“Shit!! You’re driving me crazy! Let me do it!”

Clink-Clink-

The door continued to shake, and I broke my train of thought again. At this rate, they would definitely come in here!

And as I had feared, the metal door creaked open, and I immediately caught the sight of the two men. They hadn’t noticed me immediately, and were instead looking at each other in close relief. 

“...Ah… AHAHAHA! I GOT IT! I opened it!”

Their bodies were covered in blood, and there was a look of panic, respite, and also desperation altogether in their eyes. But before they even finished their celebration—I finally understood why they were so frightened in the first place. 

The thing that they were running away from, was right behind them.

“I opened it! See, all you had to do—” The guard in spiky red hair looked to his partner, but immediately displayed a blank look. Because his partner… was now missing a head.

Blood gushed out of his neck, dirtying his face in a vivid red.

“A...Aa...hh… Ahhh….”

Slice.

His head was cut off next.

I watched that scene, and a certain calmness immediately filled me. The surroundings had turned chillingly silent in a matter of seconds.

They were dead. They were actually dead. 

What was this feeling…

Guilt…? No, this emotion was different. 

I wasn’t able to collect my thoughts, as I looked at the monster who had killed those humans so easily. 

It drifted up to me, holding a sharp sickle.

Surely, it was powerful. I could sense it. It was far more powerful than me.

And then I would be killed, just like those humans.

“...Death huh.” As expected, I'm still a little afraid of monsters.

My heart beat faintly, thinking that this was finally it for me.

Instead of resisting it, I chose to keep my eyes opened to embrace the end.

I was going to borrow courage from him.

“Have you finally… c...ome… fo...r… me…” Yet, my voice was slurred as it came out of my mouth.

"?!" What's this? My eyes… feel so heavy.

I... I'm falling... asleep... again...

No... Wh...y?

Goddess-sama, you won't even let me witness... my final moments?

Cruel... you're too cruel...

...

...No, it doesn't matter now, does it?

Maybe I should be happier. Because I was returning to the land of dreams, I would see him once more. 

And this time... I won't let you go again.

Yes, this feeling in my chest. This was genuine happiness.

It wasn't an illusion, it wasn't a lie.

It was happiness that I surely deserved for my suffering. 

My bitter experiences until now, were definitely made up to lead me to this wonderful encounter of fate.

"Wh...ite... ..No... My master." I muttered smilingly with my eyes closed.

As expected, I really do love you. 

I gently closed my eyes, to experience my final dream.