Chapter 74 - Li Junjie's Thought

Li Caiyi felt an indescribable sense of accomplishment, seeing her brother eat so well. She learned cooking to please Meng Renshu, but the man hardly ate together with her, so Li Caiyi always felt thankful for anyone who appreciated her cooking. 

"Thank god you like it."

"When did you learn how to cook and to write as well?"

Li Caiyi pretended to think for a while before answering, "I think since we are in middle school? I was fascinated by a story I read, so I tried to make my own too in secret. The cooking was like that too."

Li Junjie studied her expression intensely, and Li Caiyi was worried if her brother had seen through her lie.

"Did you have a fight with Xiaohua and Renshu?"

Thankfully, he did not probe any further, but her brother seemed to be pretty talkative tonight. He had a lot of questions to ask.

"Not really. Why do you ask?"

"I just have that kind of feeling. Renshu looked down these days, and Xiaohua did not cling to you like usual."

"Is that so? We are just disagreeing, but not to the extent of fighting."

"Hmm, well, just be careful. Not everyone appreciates changes."

"What about you, Brother Jie? Do you think it's good for me to change?" 

Li Junjie did not answer immediately. He thought deeply before he replied, "I don't think my opinion matters here. If you feel happy about it, then do it proudly. If it's working, then good for you. If it isn't working, don't forget that it is your choice."

It was an answer that did not feel like an answer at all. In the end, Li Junjie had no intention of expressing his opinion about it. She did not know if he was seriously giving her advice or if he simply did not care about it.

Li Junjie could tell that she was dissatisfied with his answer, so he added, "If you are worried, the only thing I can tell you is that you can't possibly please everyone, no matter what you do. It's up to them to accept your change or not, but I don't think you should compromise yourself for others."

Li Caiyi was stunned.

That was probably the most sincere line she had ever heard from her brother. Li Caiyi had always admired her capable brother, but she also felt intimidated by his presence. She was always tip-toeing around him because she did not want her brother to think badly of her. If Li Junjie was the brightest star in the sky, then Li Caiyi was just plain grass growing on the earth.

"Brother, do you like the current me better? Or do you prefer me from before?" Li Caiyi nervously asked. She had to be braver if she wanted to stop feeling inferior before her brother. Li Junjie was not the type to take the initiative, so she had to be the one to approach him first.

"What does it matter? Both versions are you, anyway. Just because you change a bit, that does not make you a different person. Is there any reason for me to dislike my own sister?" Li Junjie raised his brows as if he did not understand why Li Caiyi would even question something so obvious. 

A rigid and unyielding answer. It was so much Li Junjie himself. 

A sister. He said that with no hesitation as if he never thought of her as anything but that. He was never ashamed or disgusted by Li Caiyi. 

If… If only Li Caiyi had mustered her courage to have a good talk with her brother in her previous life, would she feel less lonely? Would her brother believe her when she was trying to defend herself?

Nobody knew the answer. That was precisely why she had to try her best whenever she could. It was not too late now. She could still reach him if she started now.

Li Caiyi clenched her fist and finally said the question that had constantly been bugging her. "Then why didn't you ever say anything to me? Whenever Father or Mother chastised me, you would always pretend not to see. You have Father protecting you, and Mother always prioritizing Xiaohua. It was only me who had always been treated differently in this house. I felt like I did not belong here at all. Am I not a part of the Li family, too?"

She said it! She finally complained in front of her brother! A feat she could never dare to do before. Li Junjie probably was disappointed if he heard her whining, so she always bottled her dissatisfaction within, but now she wanted to be more daring!

Contrary to her expectation, Li Junjie responded calmly. There was no scorn or disgust in his tone, and he talked like he was stating the obvious. "Because I can't understand the feeling of desperately trying to earn someone's affection. I told you, right? What's important is what you want. If winning Father and Mother's affection is your method for becoming happy, then who am I to intervene? I don't think it's necessary."

"Don't you feel anything when you see me trying so hard?! It was so hard for me."

"What do you want me to say? It's your choice to remain that way, and I only follow along with it. How should I know what you want me to do if you have never told me?"

Li Caiyi's mouth hung open at his unbelievable answer. Should she consider his response as mean, cold, or brutally honest? To think that her brother's indifference toward her all this time was because of this reason, Li Caiyi felt silly for troubling over it now! 

To put it simply, Li Junjie could only process his surroundings like a computer analyzing data. An abstract variable like Li Caiyi's feeling was never included in his consideration at all! No, it was more like he did not understand what to consider because he was a person who had everything he wanted in his hand.

She wanted to crack open his skull to see how his mind worked. How could there be a person like this in the world? Li Caiyi could not even get mad at him because all he said was the truth, and how he looked so innocent when he said that as if he was a sinless baby. 

Thinking about it, she had never seen Li Junjie cry or express many emotions before. Knowing him, he probably mechanically concluded that crying is ineffective when solving a problem; thus, he eliminated it from his options. 

Li Caiyi: "....."

So this was the reason she did not get along well with her brother. 

"Why are you so quiet suddenly?" Li Junjie asked her.

"No, I was just thinking how sophisticated your way of thinking is, Brother."

"Is that a compliment? I shall thank you, then."

Li Caiyi suddenly felt everything was so stupid and silly now.. Was it because he studied too hard that his brain developed uniquely? Or was it because he was a genius that his way of thinking was extraordinary? People often said there was a thin line between a genius and an idiot; that might be true for her brother.