Chapter 120 - Sever Our Connection (2)

"So you think I have everything, and you have none? All because of your frail body?" Li Caiyi laughed mockingly, "Li Chunhua, spare me your act. You are not lamenting your condition; you take pride in them. Isn't that why you keep using that as an excuse to justify your behavior?"

Li Chunhua was frozen in her place. Her ears were buzzing with various noises, and her mind went blank. 

'How could she think like that? She thought I wanted my body to be like this?' Li Chunhua's mind couldn't keep up with her chaotic emotions.

Li Caiyi sneered. "Li Chunhua, you are sick. And I don't mean it physically only. Your heart is sick. For you, chaining me by your side is the only thing you can do to validate your self-worth. Only when I stay as the weaker and inferior version of you will you feel reassured."

"That's not true," Li Chunhua said with trembling lips. Her bangs cast a shadow on her eyes, but Li Caiyi could tell how shaken up she was. "You know nothing at all. My love for you is real. I want to protect you from anyone who wants to harm you."

"You said that, but you don't know how much damage your action caused me. You made me feel worthless and not worthy of anyone's time. What you did is even worse than what those people who you claim to want to hurt me can ever do."

"You don't understand. You just don't understand." Li Chunhua grabbed both sides of her head as though thinking about it gave her a headache. "My role is to be your protector. You can't do anything without me because that's your role. Together, we will overcome all obstacles and finally be happy forever. We promised each other!"

Li Caiyi's heart was in pain seeing her sister break down. Her mind was so twisted that even she couldn't differentiate where her genuine wish ended and her fixation started. She didn't even notice that she was slowly losing her mind because of her obsession.

However, Li Caiyi couldn't stop now. She had to stop Li Chunhua's toxic way of thinking before she treaded further on the path with no return.

"Li Chunhua, I don't need your protection anymore. I want to stop playing a damsel in distress in your story."

"Y-you want to stop?" Li Chunhua's eyes darted wildly, and her teeth chattered, "Y-you can't. I have to keep protecting you. If I don't, you'll cry. D-don't you feel scared without me?"

"Open your eyes, Li Chunhua. Do I look like someone who needs your protection anymore? For me, you are—"

"STOP IT! DON'T SAY IT! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE!!" Li Chunhua shook her head wildly while covering both of her ears. She wailed hysterically as if she had just witnessed someone's death. "You can't do this to me. You just can't! If you quit your role, then… what am I supposed to do? What about my role, then?"

Li Chunhua fell to the ground in a sitting position, with her hands covering her face. Her shoulders and voice were quivering as she said, "If you quit, then I have no use anymore. If you are not there, then I'm nothing."

Li Caiyi's heart softened when she saw her sister's sorry state. Sometimes, the only way to heal yourself was to scrap the rotten part of your flesh. But what if scraping that rotten part felt so painful that you chose to live with it instead? Even more so if that part was something you used to cherish with all your heart. 

"Are you angry because I always act pitiful? But people would still think I'm pitiful in the end either way, so I didn't think it was such a big deal before." Li Chunhua choked on her sobs. "If you don't like it, then I'll stop. Forgive me. Please don't say you are going to sever your tie with me. Don't leave me alone."

Li Caiyi couldn't bear to see her sister like that, so she looked away. "If you have time to manipulate people, then you should use that time to pursue your own happiness, not hinder others from attaining theirs. You are too self-absorbed. This world doesn't revolve around you."

"Xiaoyi, you are so mean… Even though I love you so much… I knew it. This is all because of those pests who kept hovering around you…."

Li Caiyi suppressed the urge to scream in frustration. Nothing she said went through her sister's head at all. Even if Li Caiyi wanted to help her, she could do nothing if the said person refused to accept her help.

"It's got nothing to do with them. Stop blaming other people for everything. This is all because of you, and you know that deep down. Isn't that why you are so anxious lately and keep causing scenes everywhere?

You said you have nothing, but have you ever tried to have or keep anything in the first place? No, you don't. You thought everything was okay as long as I didn't have something you don't have."

Li Chunhua's shoulders visibly tensed at hearing that. Her sister's every word seemed to hit her deep inside. In the end, her sister had seen through everything. Li Chunhua couldn't say anything back. 

Li Caiyi added, "I don't understand. Was that truly make you happy? In the end, you will gain nothing but emptiness. People would also come to hate you and distance themselves from you."

"I-I don't care about other people, as long as I have you…."

"Then what if I suddenly die one day?"

Li Chunhua automatically raised her head, noticing the change of tone in Li Caiyi's voice. Meanwhile, Li Caiyi smiled bitterly at her sister's dumbstruck expression.

"The future is full of uncertainties. There is no guarantee I will continue to be there for you forever. I might die earlier than you. If that happens, what will you do?"

"I-I…" Li Chunhua had never thought about it that way. Wasn't it evident that she would be the one to drop dead first? So that kind of scenario never once crossed her mind. 

"Are you going to follow me too, even to death? Li Chunhua, wake up already. This isn't some kind of fairy tale world where a happy ending is guaranteed. You and I are normal humans who don't have a set of roles since birth. We are free to choose any role we want to take."

Li Caiyi crouched down in front of her sister with a solemn expression. "We don't know what will happen in the future. That's why we have to try our best in the present, so we won't have any regrets later. Stop fixating yourself on me and try to look at yourself for once. Is this truly alright for you?"

Li Chunhua sat there in a daze. Li Caiyi's words bounced around in her mind, but she had difficulty digesting it. She couldn't do anything but stare at her sister dumbly in silence.

Li Caiyi didn't know if she had successfully conveyed her feelings to Li Chunhua, but she continued to convince her. "Think about it some more. No, I beg you to think about it again. What you did was wrong, so I want you to stop. You can still be happy even without dragging other people down. You should believe in yourself more."

Li Chunhua kept her head lowered all the time, so Li Caiyi couldn't see her expression well. Perhaps their relationship wouldn't go back the way they were anymore after this, but Li Caiyi didn't regret it. 

"This is my last warning. I really hope you will not do anything reckless after this, or we don't have a choice but go separate ways."

She didn't want to believe that everything was already too late for Li Chunhua. If living separately was the only way to save her, then she would gladly do it.

Li Caiyi sincerely wished for that, but she couldn't help but feel bitter inside at the possibility of losing a person who shared the deepest connection with her.