Chapter 43 - Am I Not Enough

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The family that had been lively all morning was now silent at the dinner table.

The table was filled with burnt dishes.

This was to be expected: When Mother Yu left the kitchen she brought her spatula with her, then she later fainted, causing the cooking food to go unchecked.

After eating a truly unforgettable breakfast, Father Yu went out to his motorcycle to drive to the market and buy food for their New Year’s dinner.

“Uncle, where are you headed? Let me drive you.” Xia Feng was uneasy when he saw Father Yu pushing a motorcycle out without a helmet in sight.

“No need, I’m going to go to the market to buy some food. It’s quite close.” Father Yu refused.

“Let me accompany you. My car can hold more food, it’ll be much more convenient.” Xia Feng continued to persuade him.

“The country roads are narrow, your car won’t be able to drive through.” Father Yu eventually told him the truth.

“Oh.” Suddenly things became awkward.

As Father Yu climbed on his motorcycle, he looked back at Xia Feng and asked: “Your aunt asked if you had any favorite dishes.”

“Ah?” Xia Feng froze for a moment then hurried to answer, flowers blooming in the background. “I…I like to eat fish.”

(T/N Like shoujo manga)

“Alright.” Father Yu started the bike then quickly disappeared into the country trail.

Xia Feng looked at the retreating figure, his handsome face sporting a warm smile.

“What’s with that silly smile?” Yu Song suddenly appeared behind Xia Feng.

“Nothing.” Xia Feng replied.

“Hey, lend me your car, I want to go shopping in the city.” As the brother-in-law, Yu Song didn’t bother trying to be polite to the future son-in-law.

Without any hesitation, Xia Feng took out his keys and gave it to him.

“Thanks!” Grabbing the offered keys, he went to the car and left.

When Mother Yu heard the car drive off, she came out with a rag still in her hands. When she saw Xia Feng still in the yard, she immediately knew who was drove the car away. “His driving is abysmal, you should’ve been more cautious when you lent it to him.”

“It’s alright, the car’s insured.” Xia Feng felt that he was being idle, so he asked: “Auntie, it there anything I can do?”

“Then go with Dong Dong and paste some couplets.” Mother Yu thought for a while, then eventually said.

“Great!” Xia Feng smiled and walked back into the house happily. After getting Yu Dong, the two began to paste couplets around the house.

(T/N Couplets are poetry lines written vertically on red paper. People paste it on doors to bring good luck and well-wishes.)

Every courtyard in the village was open during this time, and neighbors often vist as they pass by. But the number of people going through was a bit more than usual.

An auntie came to take a look with squinted eyes, a child laughed as he ran by, and a little girl blushed as she peeked through their door.

Yu Dong pondered all this then turned towards Xia Feng: “Did you happen to meet anyone in the yard this morning?”

“I met an auntie, and we talked a little.” Xia Feng replied.

“What did you say?” Yu Dong asked.

“I didn’t say anything, I just said I’m your boyfriend.” Xia Feng was a little puzzled. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just that everyone in the village want’s to see you now.” Yu Dong sighed.

“Me?” Xia Feng stuck the last red scroll and was turning to ask Yu Dong more questions when he noticed the several pairs of curious eyes.

“Aiya, this guy is so handsome, is he really your boyfriend Fish?” An auntie asked.

“Yes!” Yu Dong smiled.

(T/N the author used the same characters she used for Yu Dong’s DJ name (鱼冻) rather than her actual name so I thought I’d make the distinction)

Mother Yu just happened to be coming out of the kitchen, so she heard the auntie ask this. She swaggered to the old lady and suddenly exaggerated: “Xiaolan, our family’s Fish brought her boyfriend home, and he’s quite promising too.”

“When can we drink the wedding wine?” This auntie jokingly asked.

“It’s still too early, Yu Dong just graduated, she still needs to work for a while.” No matter how worried Mother Yu was about Yu Dong’s marriage plans, she still needed to act in nonchalant front of outsiders.

“But you should tie the knot sooner than later, don’t be like Baoqin ah, she’s 28 and she’s still not married, her mother’s becoming so anxious.”

“Yeah, yeah, her mother’s asking everyone she knows now, it’s difficult to marry off such an old daughter.”

……..

Yu Dong both loves and hates these kinds of aunties. The one who’s most enthusiastic about other people’s business,  the one who spreads gossip faster than anyone else.

When they finished pasting the couplets, the aunties outside had left to prepare their own New Year’s dinner. Soon, Mother Yu brought out a big basket from the kitchen. It held a huge piece of pork and some fruits. She placed them on the table and looked at Yu Dong to say: “Go with Xia Feng later and  offer these to Grandmother Tudi Gong.”

(T/N Grandmother Tudi Gong is the village’s Land God(ess) )

“Alright!” Although she hasn’t done it in years, Yu Dong still remembered the process: they would need to carry the offerings, burn candles, and light firecrackers in the shrine.

As they walked to the shrine, many people greeted Yu Dong as they passed, chatting with her and whispering tidbits of gossip.

Yu Dong smiled along and said hello to every person.

“This is pretty nice!” Xia Feng suddenly said.

“What’s nice?” Yu Dong tilted her head.

“Everyone knows everyone, and everyone’s friendly with each other.” Xia Feng laughed, “They all like you.”

Yu Dong shrugged, a little embarrassed.

“Fish!” Suddenly, a high-pitched voice snapped Yu Dong out of her reverie.

“Auntie Liu!” Yu Dong looked to the middle-aged woman looking at her and happily waved, “And sister Baoqin.”

(T/N Yu Dong says (婶) which means wife of father’s younger brother when referring to Aunt Liu. That would look unnatural in the sentence above, so I’ll just point it out here.)

Yu Baoqin rushed to Yu Dong with a smile.

“You’re going to do your offerings?” Aunt Liu asked.

“Yes!”

“So this is your boyfriend, ah?” Aunt Liu looked at Xia Feng critically.

“Yes, this is Xia Feng.” As Yu Dong approached the women, Xia Feng followed along.

“Hello, I’m Xia Feng.” He also properly introduced himself after Yu Dong.

“Hello, Hello, so polite.” Aunt Liu laughed, then asked: “How old?”

“28.” Xia Feng replied.

“28, you’re as old as my Baoqin, do you have any single classmates or colleagues around?” Aunt Liu asked, a predatory gleam in her eyes.

Xia Feng was so surprised by the abrupt question, he could only voice an embarrassed laugh.

“Mom…” Yu Baoqin clutched at her mother’s sleeve in embarrassment. She looked towards Yu Dong with a pleading look.

“Don’t pull me, what are you doing?”

“You can’t ask that to people we’ve just met.”

“What else can I do? It’s not like you’re out there looking yourself.” Aunt Liu was exasperated.

Yu Dong herself was feeling very emotional as she saw this familiar scene. She also knew that it would get chaotic soon if she didn’t put a stop to it, so she interrupted the mother-daughter pair: “Aunt Liu, we need to bring up the offerings first. We’ll talk more later.”

“OK, OK, come help Baoqin with her snacks.” Aunt Liu didn’t forget to ask.

As they walked, they could still hear Aunt Liu lecturing her daughter from a distance.

Xia Feng percieved that Yu Dong was somewhat unhappy, but he didn’t know why. In the end, he could only quietly hold her hand. Yu Dong came back from her thoughts and looked at their linked hands. After a while, she looked up and smiled at Xia Feng, before turning and continuing to the shrine.

The shrine was an ancestral hall built by the village. It held the statue of the Land God they worshipped.

In front of the statue was a raised platform specifically for offerings, and just below the platform was large mud brick filled with incense sticks.

The two placed their basket on the platform, set off a few firecrackers, then burned some Jinyuanbao.

(T/N old currency/fake gold used in offerings and prayers)

Xia Feng looked on as Yu Dong took three incense sticks and closed her eyes to pray. After a while, she bent to stick the incense into the mud.

“What did you pray for?” Xia Feng asked.

“I was thanking them.” I was thanking all the gods who brought me back to life.

“Oh, I want to thank them too.” At this, Yu Dong taught Xia Feng how to pray.

“What were you thankful for?” Yu Dong became curious.

“I was thanking them for protecting you back when I didn’t know you.” Xia Feng answered seriously.

“So corny!” Yu Dong chuckled, turning around with Xia Feng to leave.

The shrine was built in front of the village, which put them next to a lake. The lake wasn’t very big, but it was surrounded by vast rice fields. When Xia Feng saw this beautiful scene, he thought that the scenery would be striking in autumn.

“That’s how it is in the countryside.” Yu Dong pointed to a rice paddy in the distance, “That one is ours.”

Xia Feng squinted in that direction, but in the end, he couldn’t tell which one was which.

“Sister Baoqin?” Yu Dong saw a red figure in the distance, walking on the ridge nearby. “Xia Feng, you go on ahead first, I want to talk to Sister Baoqin for a bit.”

At Xia Feng’s nod, Yu Dong turned and ran to the field.

“Sister Baoqin.” Yu Dong managed to catch up to her after a while.

“Dong Dong.” Yu Baoqin was surprised at her sudden appearance.

“I saw you walking and came to say hello.” Yu Dong said.

“I see.” Yu Baoqin looked past her and saw Xia Feng walking away. Her voice became dispirited as she said: “It’s hard making friends in the city, but staying at home is also quite difficult.”

“Did Aunt Liu say something again?” Yu Dong asked.

“She got angry when I refused to attend a blind date yesterday.” Yu Baoqin smiled bitterly.

“Our parents don’t have the same outlook as us, especially when it comes to dating.” After six years of uninterrupted wheedling from her own mother, Yu Dong was especially empathetic towards Baoqin’s situation.

“My blind date was recommended by Sister Mei Ling.”

“Mei Ling? didn’t she marry early?” Yu Dong asked.

“Yeah. The day before yesterday, she visited. She was pregnant and so big, she looked like she was about to give birth that very minute. Mother was thrilled when she found out Mei Ling visited to play matchmaker.” Yu Baoqin sourly continued, “In fact, she told me about the guy on the phone, but I refused. I didn’t expect her to go straight to my mother…”

“Why would she…” Going to coerce the mother herself was puzzling.

“The man was her husband’s cousin…” Yu Baoqin said helplessly, “Dong Dong, even if I don’t go home next year, what’ll happen on the year after that? Will my mother be happier if she doesn’t see me?”

“Now the surrounding eight villages know that there’s a woman named Yu Baoqin who can’t find a man to marry. My mom introduces me to strangers like I’m some sort of object. Like I’m some sort of dish waiting for an unmarried man to pass by and buy me. Even the village elders came and told me that I shouldn’t aim so high…I really…”

Yu Baoqin’s eyes were turning red. “I’m just looking for a man I’d want to marry. But I can’t seem to find him, am I the one in the wrong?”

“Sister Baoqin…”

“Sometimes I think about running away to someplace where no one knows me, only coming back once I’ve married.”

Yu Dong didn’t know how to comfort Baoqin, just like she didn’t know how to comfort the Yu Dong 10 years later. When it comes to a woman’s pursuit for love, if one wasn’t lucky enough, they could only succumb to reality, or wait alone.

“Well, you don’t need to say anything, I must be making you uncomfortable.” Yu Baoqin smiled at Yu Dong and said, “Dong Dong, I really envy you, so you must try your hardest to be happy.”

Yu Baoqin waved goodbye and turned around, her back straightening, donning her invisible armor against all the whispers and rumors around her. Much like how Yu Dong was in her previous life.

Yu Baoqin turned around. The image of a beautiful woman dressed in red was a dazzling sight.

Perhaps you’ve become the odd one out in society, but you are still beautiful and strong. Everyone makes different choices in their life, each creating different results, both good and bad. But no one should be blamed.

“It’s time to head back for lunch.”

When Yu Dong returned to herself, she found Xia Feng with his hands on his knees, bent down, looking at her.

“What are you thinking about?” Xia Feng went back to look for Yu Dong after a while and saw her sitting down, lost in thought.

“I was thinking of you. I missed you.” Yu Dong looked up with a smile.

“Well, I’m here now.” Xia Feng chuckled.

“Yes, thank you for being here.”

“What’s wrong?” Xia Feng noticed her despondent mood.

“Xia Feng,” Yu Dong raised her arms and wrapped them around Xia Feng’s neck. “I’m really lucky to have met you.”

Xia Feng didn’t know what happened to her, but he instinctively bent down to hug her back tightly.

Do you feel lost this often because I’m not reliable enough?