Chapter 93 - What Is Balance

"First we need to consider all the things that have made us out of balance." Qamra said. "For me it is the guilt of failure and the urge for vengeance. For you it is the pain of loss and the manipulation of others. For us to have balance we must put aside those emotions and think rationally about our situations. I do this by mediation, like you originally saw me."

"You mentioned you were meditating in the nude to be closer to nature." Zell said. "I remember."

"Yes, I find freeing the body for all attachments makes the meditation go more smoothly." She replied.

"So, you want me to be nude as well?" Zell asked. "I don't think that is the best idea."

"There is nothing sexual about this." Qamra said. "It is simply a way to communicate with nature on a deeper level. Helps you clear your thoughts and embrace the change that needs to occur in your soul."

"Where even are we by the way?" Zell asked.

"We are underground." Qamra replied. "This is the home I have made for myself living in the barrier. Do you like it?"

"It's very nice." Zell said with a half-smile. "It is impressive that you built this."

"Yes, well sleeping out in the open felt wrong." She said. "Even though there are no animals or insects in or around the barrier I still felt weird sleeping in the open field."

"I understand." Zell said. "So, let's get to the meditation. The sooner we get balance the sooner we get out of here and the sooner I finish my mission."

"Only caring for the mission is another reason you are out of balance." Qamra sighed. "Let me ask you, if you were given a mission to kill someone you did not know because someone said it was for the greater good, would you? I know you have killed because you had no choice, but would you blindly follow a mission for as weak of a reason as the greater good?"

"I guess that would depend on if I trusted the person who told me to do it." Zell said. "If I trusted them, I don't know I might."

"I see." Qamra said. "So, the lives of others are worth less than the words of friends. When one has balance, life is a sacred thing that should be preserved, and words are worthless."

"I never thought of it like that." Zell said. "I should really think more about my actions."

"Exactly." Qamra said. "That is the path of balance. Thought and consideration. There is no good, no evil, just people. One person's hero is another's villain and vice versa. Having balance is placing yourself in the shoes of another to understand their way of thought. Only after having that understanding can you find the balance in the correct course."

"You say all these things, but do you really believe any of it?" Zell asked. "If you did, you would not be trapped here, would you?"

"I am flawed, yes." Qamra said. "After what happened to me, I know all the teachings of my kind, but I cannot see their truth any longer. Had I not been so blinded by balance, maybe I could have discovered the identity of my friend sooner. Maybe I could have gotten closer to them, maybe I could have changed their heart and prevented the tragedy that occurred. It is these doubts that keep me here and away from my balance."

"We have a saying on Earth." Zell said. "Everything in moderation. It means that too much of any one thing is a bad thing. In your zeal to be neutral you shut out everything else. It reminds me of a tv show I watched as a kid, star something, I cannot really remember but there were those pointy eared aliens that valued logic over all else and purged themselves of emotion. They were fine officers but lacked the heart to make the important decisions. Everything became cold and rational to them. Just like you white dragons.

I would say your lack of heart makes all of you out of balance. I doubt your brother could even escape this barrier with all his high and mighty bluster. The type of balance you seek and want is not true balance. I understand the things you have told me, and they make a lot of sense. I am too rash and too trusting. I don't question the world around me enough. Those are all fair points. I need to slow down and think about what I do, especially since my actions will change the entire multiverse."

"So, your premise is that all white dragons are out of balance?" Qamra was puzzled. "But I cannot transform or use my holy magic, so something definitely changed."

"It is possible you cannot do it simply because you believe you cannot." Zell said. "There's another saying on Earth that I drilled into my kids. Can't, can't do anything. It means giving up before you even try guarantees that you will fail."

"There is much wisdom in that." Qamra said. She looked at her hands and concentrated. She formed the hand symbols she knew for her spells. After several minutes of trying, she eventually produced a small ball of light. Her eyes lit up in joy as she cast a spell for the first time in years. "I did it! I cast some holy magic!"

"Can you teach me any?" Zell said. "If you can teach me about the magic that makes this barrier, I can probably open it. That is a much quicker and safer bet than trying to reach a level of enlightenment that does not exist."

"I will teach you all that I know." Qamra said. "To think I was so blinded by the illusion of balance that I was unable to see what true balance was. To have emotion and logic, both are needed for balance."

"Great.." Zell said. "Shall we go outside and get started then?"