Chapter 63: Sense of Emptiness

Hearing the door open, I sat up. Seeing Jonathan coming in with a glass of milk and a sandwich, my heart was beating violently with excitement and no fear.

In a dark blue shirt, he looked gloomy and unhappy. He put the food by my side emotionlessly and said, "Have it." I dare not disobey him and finished the sandwich obediently and drank down the milk in a minute. Then I felt relieved.

I looked up at him, expecting his content smile, but there was no such thing. After having food, I seemed to have strength, so I got up and put a clean set of sheets on the bed, then continued with the sweet memory.

Somehow, I felt hot when I slept. My hot blood kept surging after I took off my clothes. It seemed that it was not a matter of the temperature in the room, but the stirring blood in my body.

I rushed to the bathroom shower and felt the cold water flowing over my body, including the place he kissed me. Looking at myself in the mirror, I felt a sense of emptiness. I longed for his hug and touch.

I sat on the floor, burying my face in my hands. "What I was thinking about? Why was I so eager to have him?" I thought.

Rushing out the bathroom madly, when laying on the bed, the motivation to have sex with him was stronger. Just as I was about to collapse, suddenly, Jonathan pushed the door in.

Wearing a light blue nightgown, his exposed skin revealed his body. I swallowed and fought the urge to rush to him, covering my burning face in the quilt and fearing to look at him. He didn't talk to me, he just took off his clothes. Then he laid down by my side, with his back towards me.

I turned over as the instinctive lust got stronger and stronger. It was tantalizing that my man was lying by my side.

"Jonathan, " I said as I leaned over to hold his waist, rubbing his back with my soft breasts, "This is torture."

"Do you want it?" he said. His voice startled me.

When I let go, he rolled over to press me down, his masculine body excited me. Neglecting shame and shyness, I hugged his shoulders to seek his kisses, but he turned away. From the beginning to the end, he never kissed me, just held my body frantically and nibbled on my breasts.

I had never experienced such an empty feeling before, though my passion was pushed to the climax, my heart was void and cold.

After the passion, I squeezed out a reluctant smile, "Whatever trick you are playing, please leave me some respect," I said. He did not speak, but buried his head in my chest, gasping violently.

He did not love me, was unwilling to kiss me. I wanted to continue to scold him, but another rush of heat flowed through my body. Anyway, there was little dignity left, I deserted it and embraced him eagerly. "Jonathan... I want you!" I said.

He possessed me again and again, more and more violently. Then I curled my sore body up in the duvet. I had no interest in anything but sleeping, and I dreamed to enjoy his warmth and passion for a while. I thought he would leave, but he lay by my side, holding me in his arms from behind.

"Do you hate me very much?" I asked.

"Yes, how much I loved you before, is how much I hate you now," he replied. It must have been hatred. I guessed there wouldn't be a happy life for me.

I smiled and said, "I am the opposite. How much I hated you before, is how much I love you now! Although you don't believe it."

"If you were me, would you believe it?" he asked. His arms tightened around me a little, his hands grabbing mine.

I comforted myself, so I wouldn't be sad. At least I hadn't lost him, and I was still with him. Though he didn't love me, I could still love him," these thoughts relieved the pain in my heart.

Curling up in the temporary warmth, I fell asleep peacefully.

In the morning, when I opened my sleepy eyes, the first thing I saw was his deep, dark eyes. It was the first time that I woke up in his arms.

"Jonathan... 'I circled his waist and pressed my face to his heart.

He woke up but didn't get up, he just looked at me. All the torment became insignificant at that moment because I was still happy and satisfied!

Jonathan frowned and smiled horribly, "Let him in."

"Oh?" I fled away from his arms hurriedly and pulled the duvet to cover my bare body.

"So afraid to let him see?" his voice was extremely sarcastic.

The door opened and saw Steven's face in such an embarrassing situation. No other person could be crueler than Jonathan. I was so ashamed, especially when I saw Steven standing rigidly by the door. I couldn't bear the scene, so I turned to the window.

It was autumn, the leaves outside were a bleak yellow. Jonathan looked at me coldly and sat up, taking his pajamas to put them on. "What's the matter?" Jonathan asked Steven in a stern voice.

"I am here to take Desiree to school," his voice was low.

"Don't bother, she won't go to school any longer," Jonathan responded.

I looked at Jonathan, how could he speak such words. He made it clearer to Steven, adding, "She says that she will stay here to wait for me." He lifted my jaw and asked me with an ambiguous smile, "Isn't that right?"

Steven changed his expression sharply, loosening his hands on the door, and came towards me.

Jonathan blocked his way and said, "Get out!"

Changing his usual obedience and respect, Steven clasped his fists, his eyes full of fierceness and rebellion. "You go!" I said, I didn't want him to see me in such an embarrassing situation, nor involved him in the feud between me and Jonathan. "I don't want to go to school," I said.

"Desiree?" he said.

"I choose to stay because I love him, I am willing to do anything for him," I told him. Steven stared at me for a long time. I dared not make eye contact, but I could feel his disappointment.

Finally, he turned around and left. Before closing the door, he took a deep breath and said slowly, "Desiree, he is unworthy of you."

"Why didn't you tell him I'm torturing you?" Jonathan said, clenching his teeth, "Even if you are suffering, you are willing to protect him."

"It's none of his business. It needn't involve him," I said.

"You love him!" he cried.

"No," I cried.

He opened the door and got a gun from the bodyguard. When I saw him open the window, without thinking, I rushed over to block his gun with my palm.

"Don't! It is I who hurt you and cheated on you. Don't hurt Steven," I shouted.

"Unless he dies, you will never stay with me," Jonathan said.

I knelt in front of him. If he wanted to trample me, I had no choice and said, "I beg you to let him go. I swear that I will stay with you until I die."

He lowered his feeble hand that was holding the gun, and smiled bitterly, "You'd rather endure humiliation by my side than let him get hurt."

It was stupid of me to do a silly thing again. He didn't mean to kill Steven. He just wanted to affirm my untrustworthy words. He only believed what he saw, but I disappointed him!

"Jonathan, I just regard him as my brother," I assured him.

"Do you think I will believe it?" he picked up my clothes and threw them at me and ordered, "Get dressed and follow me."

"Where?" I asked.

"To get married!" he replied.