Chapter 170 - 169. Expectations hurt.

Akash blinked at her blankly for a second. He thought it would be because she did not trust him enough or maybe because she had commitment issues… that maybe he never gave her a sense of security in their relationship… but not for a second he thought it would be because of a lack of self-esteem.

Since she always carried herself with a bright smile and rarely cried, he always thought it was because she was confident in herself. But he never thought she was someone who did not have a sense of worth. When he first confessed also, she did something similar. She didn't think he could like him at all… and even ran away from the place. And now this…

"Why? Why did you not think you could ask for more??" Akash asked once he was out of shock. His voice became unnaturally soft without him knowing. It was so comforting to hear.

"I don't know… I just…I didn't want to ask for something that I am not allowed to and then get hurt later. That one hurts like a bitch. Expectations hurt." Madhu said blankly.

This was the first conversation she was having with Akash in such a long time in which she was not squeaking but sadly it was not as joyous as Akash would have expected.

But he was glad this was happening. For once, he felt as if she was actually opening up to him. She was letting him in. All their conversations before surrounded generic things. But this was one conversation where she was telling him about herself and her own feelings. For the first time, he was getting an answer as to how she thought about their relationship.

"SO, your parents wouldn't scold you for having a casual relationship??" Akash asked next.

Madhu's face froze suddenly realizing something… her face lost all her blood instantly and went pale like a white sheet. He did not think she could go paler than before but the reality was right in front of him. She did not look this pale even when he first proposed to her. He did not know how it was even possible for her to go paler but she did somehow. Akash felt as if she might actually pass out on him.

"I'm… I'm adopted… I don't know who my biological parents are." She said not daring to look at Akash. Her voice was so meek out of nervousness. She did not mean to hide but then she always thought this was only some passing relationship for him… so she never thought she would have to say this before.

Akash remained frozen and shell shocked for one whole minute and that whole time, Madhu felt as if she was standing at the edge of a cliff preparing to be pushed down any minute. Just when she wanted to pull away on her own… saving herself some semblance of dignity and heartache, Akash… instead of pushing her away as she thought he would… he actually brought her closer.

He did not really say anything. He just brought her into an embrace running his hands soothingly over her back.

"I'm sorry I did not tell you before…" Madhu mumbled against his neck. She let out the breath she did not even realize she was holding on to. A sense of relief spread through her when she realized Akash did not push her away.

"It doesn't matter…" Akash said softly stroking her back.

Neither spoke for a long time after that. Akash's knees started hurting, so he pulled away giving rise to a protesting groan from Madhu.

"Where are you going??" Madhu asked before she could stop herself.

Akash just let out a chuckle and sat beside her on the couch as he said, "I am not going anywhere. My knees hurt…"

Madhu's cheeks burned instantly which embarrassed. But it further intensified when Akash pulled her by her waist and hoisted her over his laps.

"Akash!!" She exclaimed surprised trying to get up from his laps.

So far, all their dates had been in public places. So they never had this level of physical intimacy before. She felt awkward and uncomfortable.

But Akash did not budge. He held her by her waist in an iron grip and whispered into her ears, "Stop moving around. It might be dangerous…"

Madhu's eyes flew wide as her whole being froze in place. But then next second her eyes flared up in anger when she heard Akash laugh out loud.

"Gosh, you are so cute!!" Akash cooed her pinching on her flared up cheeks.

Madhu calmed down and settled herself comfortably in his embrace given she was not going to be able to get out of his grip anytime soon anyways. Time ticked by quietly. Akash did not speak as he kept caressing over her hair gently.

"They… they adopted me because… because they couldn't have a child of their own… and… and an astrologer told them that they would have a child if they were to raise an orphan child. And as it happens, right after I was adopted, mother got pregnant. So, they just raised me." Madhu said. But unlike her usual cheerful self, she looked emotionless now. Almost as if she was recanting a ghost story rather than her own life experiences. There was no joy what so ever in her voice when she said she was adopted or when she called a person 'Mother'.

"You don't have to tell me anything Madhu… not unless you want to…" Akash said calmly. But at his heart, there was this uneasiness. He did not like seeing her like this… like a doll. He wanted her cheerful self. Someone who could rant for straight 3 hours without break.

Even though she was talking now, it was not the same.

Madhu went quiet after that but then said, "You are not really missing on much anyways. It's inconsequential."

Akash let out a sigh and pinched on her waist playfully.

"What did I do now??" Madhu asked frowning.

Akash looked at her eyes and said in a sober tone, "Will you tell me if I said I want to know??"

"What do you want to know?" Madhu asked after a slight hesitation.

"Were they good to you??" Was the first thing that Akash asked. Nothing else really mattered or held any significance to him as long as they had treated her well.

Madhu looked at him surprised. She thought he would ask for details along the line of how she came to be their daughter or where she had been before or maybe even about her birth parents. But the first thing he asked was actually about her… just her. As if all else did not hold any significance to him.

She blinked several times thoughtfully before answering, "I guess. They never mistreated me or starved me. They were reasonable. They looked after everything I needed and even sent me to college. So I can't really complain…"

But one thing she never received from them was family. She had a roof on top of her head and pretty clothes to wear but she never got the one thing she wanted the most from them… a home. Growing up, it did not make sense. The difference between how she was treated and how her brother was treated… the difference was not something that was visible on the surface. She struggled to understand what was different for a long time as a kid. But as she grew up, she realized the difference was 'love'. They did not love her.

She took her time accepting it. But given she had always known that she was adopted from the start… she did not feel wronged or unfair. She always felt it was a natural thing and they were not to blame.

"Do they love you??" Akash asked next as if he was reading her mind.

Madhu hung her head down instantly and slowly shook her head. She looked like an abandoned puppy.

Akash's hands and jaws clenched unconsciously seeing her like this. He silently pulled her and buried her face into his chests and wrapped both his arms engulfing her completely.

She was like a little bird wrapped in a cocoon from all sides. Protected from sun, wind, and cold.

"What happened?" Madhu asked confused.

"I love you…" Akash declared in a steady voice. Neither his voice nor his eyes wavered as he said those words.

Hearing his declaration, Madhu paused for a second. But then her racing heart unnaturally calmed down. She felt warm and comfortable. Her heartbeat steadily as she snuggled into him and closed her eyes in peace.

She did not really understand what it was she was feeling at the moment. But somehow she did not feel the need to fill the silence. The only way she could think of describing how she felt hearing him was… she felt peaceful. There was no awkwardness, excitement, or shyness she always had… she felt at home.

So this is what home felt like ah?? 

She thought as she drifted to sleep.

Akash's eyes softened as he saw her snore away and decided to take her to see his parents as soon as they reached back home.

"They are going to love you so much that you are going to feel like you are going to explode. I promise…" Akash whispered kissing her on her temple and watched her sleeping form intently.