Chapter 181 - He really felt like an asshole...

Akash's lips twitched into an amused smile as he asked, "Why? Why should I let you go? You don't like this? You don't like me touching you?" His big palm slowly moved against her waists over her clothes.

Madhu shook her head completely dazed without even knowing what he was asking. Her mind was completely fried when she felt his warm hands against her body. She had never been in such a situation before, so she was completely clueless as to how to react.

Her dazed eyes mesmerized him. He lost all sense of what he wanted to do as his heart sped against his ribs. He held her cheeks by his big palms and buried his head over her shoulders into her hair. While his other hand brought her flush against himself.

Madhu lost the hold on the towel and held on his shoulders to keep herself straight while her own heart started drumming against her ribs.

She knew he was her boyfriend and that they both were a.d.u.l.ts and also that this was normal between couples. And she was not scared… at least, she was not scared of him… she was just brought up in an extremely conservative family and was new to everything and was scared out of her wit's end by the act itself rather than Akash. She tried hard to calm herself down… but it was not easy.

Akash peppered kisses at the crooks of her neck while his hands molded her against his hard chests. And with each kiss, she felt as if the place was electrified making them burn. Her heart and soul steered out of control. And then Akash's hands lifted her t-shirt and slipped his hands over her h.i.p.s… She couldn't really do anything about the shiver that ran through her body.

Madhu's face flushed instantly as her mind became a chaotic mess. She shuddered and her hands clenched on his shirt unconsciously as she called out his name nervously, "Akash…" She was scared suddenly… she was not ready and she could feel herself going pale all over.

It was a mess inside her head… A part of her wanted to bury herself so tightly into him that she could feel safe at last… so that all her fear could disappear into thin air. But there was also another part of her who wanted to run away from this place… Bottomline was… being where she was right that moment did not feel safe…

Akash, on the other hand, looked up when she heard her call him. The way her lips dragged his name or the way her skin felt against his palms or the way her body reacted to his simple touch… Everything was driving him absolutely crazy. But when he pulled back and met her eyes... She seemed extremely confused and scared. She looked terrified even to point of going pale. After all, he now knew the difference between her shy expression and scared face.

He sobered up instantly and pulled out his hands and wrapped her into a warm embrace. He could feel his own heart and her's thudding against each other in a loud disharmony. Somehow, after seeing her face… to Akash, even her heart racing seemed like it was out of fear rather than excitement like his's. Her whole body shivered in his arms before calming down.

"Sorry… I wasn't thinking straight… It won't happen again… I'm sorry…"

Madhu came back to her senses only when she heard his apology. She pulled away from his embrace gently and sat up straight on his laps.

Just when Akash was about to explain more, Madhu who was just sitting there started talking in a whisper biting on her lips nervously. Her voice was small but firm and while her eyes staring at his overflowed with sincerity, "You did not scare me… You don't have to apologize. I am just new to all of this… not just intimacy… but for the relationship itself. So, I am kinda clumsy and nervous and all over the place. You just give me time to learn okay? I know I am slow at learning stuff like this… but can you just be a little patient with me? Please?" Her eyes looked at his desperately as if pleading him without words to understand her.

And that look… and those eyes were like a stab on his heart which left him in pain. Her sincere plea baring her soul… at that moment, somehow he felt as if he was undeserving of something so pure. On the other hand, he also felt his mind going into a chaotic mess.

He knew she did not have much foundation when it came to love or relationship of any kind… so her self confidence in their relationship was actually as low as one can get and he can't really blame her for it. He knew he can't blame himself either but still, watching her beg like this… he really felt like an asshole.

Madhu, of course, took his silence as a default rejection… which made her anxious and a sense of crisis spread in her heart. Her voice was meek as she said, "But… but if you want… we… we can… I will be good…" It was at the tip of her tongue to tell him that she would go with whatever he wanted but she was still too scared to even utter it… so god knows how she would be able to accept it if he really wanted something more from her. She suddenly felt very ashamed of her cowardice and hung her head down. After all, Akash had done so much for her and she couldn't even do this much for him… she felt a wave of utter despair hit her at that thought.

Akash really couldn't take any more of her bullshit but he knew she was fragile at the moment. So, he calmed himself and pulled her face up to meet his eyes with his fingers and said as softly as he possibly could, "You did nothing wrong, honey. And between the two of us, you would never have to do anything you are not sure about… I would never ask you to do anything you are not comfortable with. This time, it is my fault okay… It is not your fault. You are pretty damn perfect just the way you are Madhu. You don't have to change a single hair and you damn sure needn't learn anything…"