Chapter 312 - I am just cold!

"Hey, what's going on in that big head of yours?" Charan asked when he saw Shreya keeping quiet with a complicated look on her face.

Shreya did not answer… she did not know how to… she did not know where to start all her thoughts.

She never thought the price of revenge will be so heavy because she knew she has to live the rest of her life feeling this way about her… her heart went cold with just the thought.

"I am just cold!!" Shreya mumbled to Charan unconsciously.

The arms around her instantly tightened as Charan held her closer. But after a few minutes, he let her go and sat up… He then pulled her to his l.a.p and held her close…

"Hey, everything is going to be okay… I promise!" Charan mumbled against her temple.

Shreya stayed silent… but then said slowly but very firmly, "No, it is not! It is not going to be okay…"

"And why is that?" Charan asked.

"Well, I got someone killed, Charan… how do you possibly think that all that is going to just go away just because days are going to pass by…" Shreya asked looking up at him… her eyes looked fierce and firm as she stared at him…

"Shreya…" Charan tried to start… but was interrupted by Shreya instantly.

Shreya pulled away… she was getting agitated when she thought more about it… she couldn't sit in a place… at least, her mind was not letting her.

The more understanding Charan behaved, the more frustrated she got. The more he said it was okay, the more she felt it was not…

"But I had no choice… she said she can get anyone around me killed as long as she can access a phone… regardless of whether she was in prison… and I couldn't take that chance… she knew you and every single member of your family. I couldn't let her go… I just couldn't take that chance… and I did not want to go to jail. But at the end of the day, I did exactly what Abimanyu, Naren, and Abishek did to my parents… I used someone else's hands to solve my problems. So, I killed her as clearly as a day and got away with it."

Charan stayed quiet. He did not refute her instantly… somewhere he felt, Shreya need to get it all out first for her to hear to his reasonings.

"I did not want to get my hands bloody, so I just…" Shreya continued and went on and on about it for straight 10 minutes without any break until she met with Charan's eyes looking at her with his usually loving eyes.

"I do not like how I feel about myself anymore…" Shreya at last said and gave up…  her mind was going round on circles and she could not find a way out of it on her own.

Especially given how she had been stuck in this office for 24 hours straight now without any distractions… with just her and her head… She was having a hard time catching up to them.

She was going to sort it all out on her own and then go away…

When she first beat up Aleesha and her uncle came to talk to her… she was filled with this hatred that did not allow her to see past the anger in her. But after venting and crying to Anand, all that anger and hatred dissipated and she started thinking about the magnitude and the meaning of thing she had done… And she got stuck with the question why did she get to get away with it while Naren and the rest are supposed to be rotting away in a jail!?

And the fact that she did not have an answer to it was driving her crazy… especially given how she had dismissed all the excuses Abishek had given… even he had, in his opinion, had a justifiable reason for what he did…

Seeing that she had completely vented out everything she could, Charan approached her all over again… this time Shreya slumped against him and asked in a whisper, "I am not like them right? I am not going to become like them one day right?"

Charan pulled away and held her face in his hands and tilted her face upwards. But Shreya still drooped her eyes unable to meet his eyes.

"Look at me, sweetheart!" Charan asked softly… when Shreya reluctantly lifted her eyes to meet his, he started talking at last.

"You did not get away with anything Shreya… and you have nothing to be guilty about either. They did it for profits… they had driven innocent people to hell so that they can earn a few bucks more… you are not them. You will never be them… but yes, you did get someone killed. But you did it as a last resort. Because you did not have any other choice. You did it to protect your family… you did it to protect me and my family… that's not murder, that's self-defense… they are different things Shreya… And Aleesha is someone who should have died years back when she killed your parents for money. The system had failed you and you are correcting it now… that is all."

"If you had killed her in a fit of anger as soon as you saw her, maybe you can be at fault. But she was the one who chose to blackmail you… she was the one who forced your hands… there is nothing wrong with protecting your loved ones Shreya… no matter the cost… If you hadn't done what you did, god knows what she would have done!!" Charan said and paused looking at her.

Knowing Aleesha, Shreya knew she wouldn't have stopped until she had buried every last person around her. Shreya would rather just bear this burden.

"I am just sorry that you had to bear that burden. But please just trust me when I tell you, you did nothing to be ashamed of. When she dies… your just going to have to say your sorry and be done with it. Even that is a luxury for someone like Aleesha… but you can do that for your own peace of mind. That is all…"