Relapse

Sam gave me an opportunity to dart into the other room, so I quickly did just that.

Her highness is right where we left her on top of the patient’s bed, although now she’s sitting upright and cracking her neck loudly like the crude girl she is. When she sees me, Sam smiles from relief and throws off more of the thick blanket covering her.

Her emerald eyes light up with sparkling enthusiasm and she says, “I had the weirdest dream, Boss. Some chick with like... the BIGGEST tits I ever done seen shoved her hands into my ribcage and went like... ‘hnnnng’ and fixed me up.”

Opalina and Zutiria follow after me and upon hearing Sam’s dream recollection, the good doctor laughs softly and wraps her arms under her titanic cleavage, lifting up and making her breasts burst even more impressively away from her chest. “They aren’t THAT big, are they?”

Sam blushes hard as soon as she sees the doctor, jaw dropping to the floor. I swear I see a hint of drool in her reaction, too. “THEY’RE REAL!” She gasps in amazement.

I shake my head, pushing the thought of Opalina’s bosom as far out of mind as possible. “Never mind that, Sam. Are you feeling alright?”

Zutiria hops up onto the bed to sit next to Sam, patiently listening along with the rest of us. Sam smiles and pulls the Mage to her lap, happy to see her as always.

I’m starting to think I’m not so special anymore and that Zutiria is just a slut for sitting in any lap she can fit in comfortably.

“Yeah. It’s no big deal, I feel fine.” The Princess flexes her right arm with a proud grin, showing no wear and tear and no signs of broken bones.

Opalina steps forward to be by her young patient’s side, “That’s where you’re wrong, Sam... I believe?” Sam nods her head in confirmation. “Sweety, that damage wasn’t ‘no big deal’. Thankfully your Boss here made the decision to bring you to MY clinic.”

“Where else would I have brought her, Opalina?” I don’t think I’ll ever get used to calling her by her first name. It’s so odd.

“You shouldn’t have had to bring her anywhere at all. Honestly, dear. If I catch wind of you sending these girls off on anything other than the most basic of quests without a healer in their party again, boy, I’ll put a stop to it.” As Opalina’s words become more and more threatening, she turns to face me and her wand changes shape into a... riding crop. She smacks it against the palm of her hand loudly several times making damn well sure the implications aren’t lost on me.

They aren’t.

Sam drools at the thought silently, her cheeks filling with blush once again, while in her lap I hear the tiniest, softest little ‘heh’ utter from Zutiria’s lips. It seems both of my lovers rather enjoy the thought of me suffering a punishment from the good doctor.

“That’s a lot easier said than done. Sam and Zutiria are the only adventurers the Guild has now and, ah...”

Sam scratches her hair out of embarrassment. “I became an adventurer to escape my family, and I’ve barely wielded a sword in my life before this, and as for Zuzu here...”

‘And I’m broken inside. I don’t talk. Casting spells hurts a lot, not that I need to explain this to a medical mage such as yourself.’ Zutiria says.

“Indeed, I understand the implications of your lack of speech..” Opalina’s glasses sparkle as she becomes more serious. “The flow of mana in your body must be so abysmal from underuse that I doubt I could even begin to treat it. You’ll just have to acclimate yourself bit by bit through casting spells every day, though I’ve no idea how long it’ll take you to restore your mana flow fully...” She cuts herself off here, but judging from the tension in the room I get the distinct feeling she was going to say something along the lines of ‘if you even can’.

I didn’t know Zutiria’s problems extended so much beyond her voice. I guess ‘use it or lose it’ applies here... This must be a very rare, very bad case as I’ve never heard of... what did she call it again? Mana circuit atrophy?

Opalina sighs and looks back in my direction, “So what you’re telling me is you don’t even have a Healer to send with them, then.”

“I’m afraid so.”

She crosses her arms, thinking heavily about how she wants to chastise me but understanding it’s more complex than just being my fault. “I still don’t like this.” She finally says, looking away from me.

I’m... conflicted about how I feel with this situation. 

On one hand I love that Miss Hart is back in my life, but I’m also not fond of being told what’s best for me and the girls. Sam looks like she’s about to speak up in my defense, but I quiet her down with a hand gesture and remind her that I don’t need her to fight all my battles.

“Opalina.” I say, looking her dead in the eyes.

“... Yes?”

“I made the choice to accept this quest on their behalf without a healer in the party because I had a very thorough, multi-layered plan. A plan that worked down to the letter, might I add. The only reason it failed was due to an unforeseen factor no one could have possibly predicted.”

She’s silent yet studious as I explained the pork, the traps, Zutiria’s support spells and about typical Brood Wolf behaviour. Opalina nods her head at my words, her eyebrow lifting when I explain how exceedingly rare it is to find an adult wolf anywhere near a pack of teenage wolves, and that there was no way that it should have happened at all.

After it’s all over, the busty healer sighs. “Dear... you really are all grown up now, aren’t you? Forgive me if I’m being overbearing. Old habits die hard.”

I blush, while my two girls beam proudly behind me.

“Daddy would never send us into danger!” Sam clenches her fist, smiling defiantly.

“... Daddy?” Opalina covers her mouth in shock, completely taken aback by the Princess’s slip of the tongue.

I can’t deal with this right now, I rub the sides of my face from stress, wishing I could massage the stupidity away and out of my life forever.

“Miss Hart, if you don’t mind-” I grab her by the wrist and start pulling her to the lobby. “Sam, Zutiria and I really do need to have a private talk about something that occurred earlier in the day.”

“Now hold on just a moment, sweetheart, I have a few more things to tell the patient-”

I push her gently into the other room, “Please, Opal. This is serious.” My heart skips a beat as I force myself to call her that.

The good doctor audibly gasps and blushes, falling to the ground in an extremely melodramatic fashion. “O... Opal...? Opal. Mmm... yes, take... ah... all the time you need, dearie.”

I slam the door shut behind me in an equally melodramatic way and grunt loudly from mental exhaustion.

“I like her a lot. She’s fun.” Sam smiles brightly. “Are you gonna fuck her too, Boss?”

Far from being in the mood to dignify that with a response, I make my way over to Sam and look down at her. She blushes at the apparent seriousness in my demeanor, and Zutiria scoots off of Sam’s lap.

“Boss? Is uh, everything ok up there?”

I hug her with all of my strength. It’s not a lot, especially not compared to what Sam can do herself, but I do it to the point where my arms start to ache and Sam gasps for air. “BUH-BAWSS...?!” She manages to say between panicked huffs.

Letting up and pulling away, I take my glasses off to properly look her in the eyes. “Don’t ever do that again, Sam. I don’t know what made you act like that... but you were like a different person. If you didn’t snap out of it then...”

Sam looks away in complete shame, tears falling down her cheeks.

“You looked like you were willing to hurt anyone in your way, even me.”

The Princess grits her teeth and hangs her head while Zutiria sits to her side, holding her hand comfortingly. “I... I wouldn’t do that. I don’t... know what came over me.”

I sigh and open my mouth to speak, only to be surprised when all the tension in the room is sucked up by Zutiria, who casually raises her hand and blankly says, ‘I do.’

Sam and I blink, then look at each other, then at the Mage.

She’s silent.

“Well are you gonna tell us...?” The Princess blurts as soon as she gets tired of this silly pause, which doesn’t take long.

‘You need to tell him who you are first, Sammy. Who you really are.’

Sam’s freckled face turns bright red and she starts sweating nervously.

“HAHAHA! The fuck are you on about, Zuzu? Boss knows about me already.”

Well, she’s right... Just not in the way she expects.

“My name is Samilda, and I-”

Zutiria balls her hand into a fist and slams it down onto Sam’s noggin. ‘No.’

“GAH! Zuzu, what the fuck?!”

‘Again. Without the stupid.’ Behind her glasses, Zutiria’s eyes become tense and even a bit angry.

“Boss already knows I’m the daughter of a wealthy merchant, who-”

Sam is hit once again by the tiny fist. ‘Again. Without the stupid.’ She repeats.

“ZUZU!!” Sam cries, comically rubbing her head. I chuckle softly to myself. After the terrible ordeal we all went through today, it feels nice to have a moment of brevity with my girls.

“Ok... ok...” Sam says between tears. “I’m actually the daughter of someone a lot more important than a merchant.” Her eyes dart to Zutiria, who nods in approval.

“My real name isn’t Samilda.”

I don’t really know how to react to this, so I nod along.

“I’m sorry, Boss. But I couldn’t tell you the truth lest it complicated things between us.”

Part of me wants to tell her that things are already plenty damn complicated between us without her being a Princess, but I need to just shut up and let her have her big reveal.

Sam takes a deep breath, and she closes her eyes. When they reopen they’re replaced with the fierce, piercing gaze she gave me that first night we shared our bodies with each other. The royal authority that spurred me to action... the gaze and bearing of a ruler.

She speaks with a booming confidence utterly at odds with her usual casual demeanour, saying, “In truth, I am the Crown Princess of Karnalle, Samantha Lundreame. I have left the royal lifestyle behind in order to do what must be done to save not only our own realm, but all realms. My Father grows lazier by the day, living in his perverse paradise of whores and orgies and he refuses to take action against the greatest threat we’ve ever faced!”

No.

“I’m talking of course, about the wicked fiend who appeared ten years ago...”

No, no.

“He attacked our cities with an army of monsters, and continues to spread his influence across the realms day by day. Yes... that threat to our continued existence that MUST be stopped is none other than...”

Sam, no, don’t fucking do this to me, Sam.

“The Demon Lord!” She bellows and looks at me, striking a heroic pose triumphantly.

“What the, Boss, where the fuck are you going?!” Sam’s proud persona crumbles on the spot as I get up and walk towards the door the instant she finishes and opens it slightly. I whisper something to Opalina on the other side and while concerned, she seems to be sympathetic and does what I ask.

I return with the bottle of whiskey, returned at long last to its rightful owner. I pull up a stool beside the bed and take a swig. “Go on.” I say, as Sam angers out of embarrassment and Zutiria quietly giggles to herself.

“I... was DONE, you... you... ASS! CAN’T YOU EVEN ACT SURPRISED?!” Sam bawls and throws the pillow at me.

“I am more surprised than you can possibly imagine, Sam.” I bluntly say as the pillow falls from my face and tumbles to the floor.

Opalina isn’t the only thing returning to my life today, apparently. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about the Demon Lord. Grandpa’s final request, after all, was that I ‘follow my destiny’ to become a hero and slay the fucking bastard and rid the realms of his evil.

We all know how that turned out.

When the Demon Lord first announced his presence to the world ten years ago, I... can’t even begin to describe what I felt. Anger, regret, sadness, hesitation... it was as if I were suffering from every possible way of feeling shitty all at the same time. Maybe that was my last chance to become a Hero and make my grandpa proud.

Needless to say, I passed. The Demon Lord was such a distant threat that I couldn’t bear to even entertain the thought of doing something about him. I had my own shit going on at the time that was much more pressing. 

I don’t even know why Grandpa was so sure of my destiny in the first place, either. I never got to ask him about it. I never got the chance to ask him a lot of things.

On top of EVERYTHING ELSE about today... the drug addict client... the psychopathic butcher... the Brood Wolves... Sam’s batshit crazy moment... reuniting with the woman who basically raised me... finding out said woman wants to jump my bones... apparently that just wasn’t enough. It’d be hilarious if it weren’t happening to me right now.

To top it all off, the first woman I fell in love with is a stupid, tomboyish Princess who for whatever fucking reason has made slaying the Demon Lord her life’s goal.

The very same Demon Lord who Grandpa... Grandpa... fucking hell, what do I even do, here...?

Sam and Zutiria both lean over the bed as they watch me fall to pieces. I take a lot of heavy breaths and try to calm myself but I end up crying from stress more than I’d like to admit. 

“Boss...? Hey, what the fuck, man?”

‘There’s something you’re not telling us, isn’t there.’ Zutiria hits the nail on the head as usual.

“Please, let’s save that for another day.” I look up and shake my head vigorously to try and regain composure, and it doesn’t work. I take another swig out of the rapidly emptying bottle and it doesn’t seem to help much either.

I don’t want to tell them about this. Not today.

I need to kill the Demon Lord. But I can’t.

Grandpa wanted me to, and I failed him, just like I failed myself, and failed Opalina, and like I failed Sam just earlier today.

She almost died because my plan wasn’t good enough.

I failed.

I’ve always failed.

I-

WHAP.

Sam slaps me so hard across my cheek with her supernatural strength that I fly off of the stool and skid on my ass across the wooden floor for several feet. I’m left staring up at my two girls, especially the one who just returned the favor.

“You good, Boss?” Sam says with determination.

“... I think so.” I rub my poor, stinging cheek. It hurts in a warm, lovely way. 

“Now we’re even.” The Princess I love so much smiles brightly, flashing her pointy fang at me. “No matter what’s going on with me, or what kind of issues you so clearly have bottled up inside, we got each other. Alright, Boss? We’ll sort out your shit as soon as you’re ready to tell us about it.”

I feel like I could cry again, but I don’t. I smile instead and stand up. “Of course, your Majesty.”

Sam turns red in an instant and pulls the blanket over her head, laying down and hiding out of embarrassment. “DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE!”

I chuckle and look to Zutiria.

To my surprise the Mage is looking... very annoyed?

‘You’re adorable together. Yes, yes. But before you had a little episode, Sir, need I remind you that I was trying to explain something? And that Sammy’s little reveal was supposed to lead into that?’ She crosses her arms and blushes angrily.

Sam pokes out of her hiding place and looks at me, and we both share a mutual embarrassment.

‘If you’re both done having your little moment together then I would LOVE to explain what’s wrong with Sammy. I have all of the answers. But if you need some more time I will gladly go bury myself in Miss Hart’s cleavage again while the two of you finish up.’

Oh yeah, I knew something slipped my mind. Sam and I quietly stare into one another’s eyes before we both start laughing, the little lady rolling her eyes at us all the while.