Virgins are Just Part of the Package

“I figured you were gonna bring that up,” Says the Goddess holding all the answers to the extent of my powers. “Honestly, I don’t have much to tell you. You’re pretty close to learning the truth on your own, and you don’t want me to ruin the surprise, do you? I’ll give you a hint, though... the true power is exactly what you’ve been praying for.”

I could do without any more of Luxy’s ‘surprises,’ honestly, but I know asking for complete transparency would be far too much to hope for. “Leaving aside the truth, why do the damn things hurt so much? Assuming my eyes are some sort of gift to help me in my divine task, what made you feel that a stupid side effect was necessary?”

Right away, I notice I landed on a sour topic. Luxy slumps in her seat, her face contorting into a disappointed scowl. “Oh, that? It’s no big deal, just... you know how duality is...” She mumbles.

“Luxy,” I lean over in my seat, looking up at my divine while making my annoyance known. “You’re a God, and I’m a Human. I don’t know fucking anything.”

The Goddess groans and holds out her finger for the nearby dove to perch itself on. She gently scratches the faithful bird, distracting herself as she tells me, “...My sister and I are connected, and so are our powers. While I can’t use full-on dark magic, her energy leaks into my blessings and miracles every so often, causing unintended side effects. Do you get what I mean?”

“I think so,” I cup my chin and contemplate the meaning of her words. “When your sister does something bad, there’s a chance something good might come along with it, while the opposite is true for you?”

“There we go, those are the words I was looking for! Yeah. That.”

“So I was just incredibly unlucky that my eyes ended up being a disability instead of a boon?”

“Oh yeah, we’re talking super low odds here. Like, teeny-tiny.” She makes a gesture with her hand, showcasing just how small the percentage was.

I don’t know what I was expecting.

Well, at least she didn’t make my eyes painful on purpose. I don’t know how I would’ve responded if my affliction was something that she could have easily made go away this entire time. Luxy implied there’s more I have yet to discover about my eyes, too, so hopefully, it’s not all bad.

As I pour her another shot of the heavenly beverage, I notice that I may have been too generous with Luxy’s servings. We’re just now reaching the last third of the bottle, and there are still so many things I want to know. Not to mention I still have to ask Luxy for the blessing I had in mind, too.

Before handing it over to the dove, I hold the shot glass firmly in my hand and give the Goddess another severe stare down. “I’d like to make something clear, Luxy, and I hope it’s not overstepping my bounds. It probably is, but it needs to be said.”

“You blame me for all your problems, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before.” Luxy rolls her eyes dismissively, her focus dwindling.

“No, not that. I only wanted to say that if I’m going to defeat the Demon Lord, then I’d like you to work as closely as you can to my desires from now on. No more of this ‘appearing in dreams’ and ‘subtle guidance’ business, please. I understand that your ability to help is limited, but your primary concern is keeping things balanced from my point of view. The battle between good and evil is drastically slanted against me because of how late I got started, and I take that to mean you would need to do more work to balance out my chances. Instead of arbitrarily granting me somewhat helpful blessings here and there, why not work hand in hand with me to chart a course forward?”

“I already gave you a dungeon yesterday. Isn’t that a start?”

“Yes, you did, but I should have been more specific with what I asked for... admittedly, this one’s on me, but...” I briefly explain the Guild policies regarding the process of registering a new Dungeon and remind her of my conflict with the Duke of Dewhurst. Both factors make exploring the forest Dungeon a problematic proposition, albeit Luxy has trouble understanding why.

Ultimately, she just shrugs and says, “Well, that’s fucking stupid. You shouldn’t have asked for one, then!”

“I didn’t think you actually were going to do it,” I sigh, dejected. “Or else I would have thought about it more. There are ways to register a Dungeon without the pomp and circumstance, but I’d need to research it more...”

The Goddess thinks to herself as she struggles with the subject at hand. Luxy seems like she really does want to help, but the potential consequences she fears must be offsetting this. “Well, Dungeon protocols aside, I did leave you to your own devices for a very long time. It’s not like you don’t have a lot of divine intervention points saved up, y’know? At least compared to... uh... y’know.”

“The enemy?”

Luxy ignores my question and continues to speak. “Strictly speaking, I can’t really give details on my sister or any kind of help she gives her Demon Lord, so if you could just kinda forget the context clues I dropped there...” She coughs awkwardly into her tiny, glowing fist before grumbling. “This is another reason I’ve never worked one on one with a Hero of Light before... talking in code and watching what I say is a lot easier when I don’t have to talk in the first place.”

“I suppose I understand where you’re coming from, but can I take this to mean you’ll help me when I ask for something?”

“Not always. You dug your own grave on a lot of stuff. As far as those mortal problems like running your business and defeating enemies like the Duke of Dewhurst, I can’t help you cause it’ll limit your chances to improve as a person. But...” She stops, hangs her head, and battles with whether or not to continue her sentence. After dwelling on this dilemma in silence, ultimately, Luxy makes the difficult choice to proceed and offer her help to me to the best of her abilities. “I can give you opportunities to improve, maybe grant you a few specific favors here and there... stuff like that... maybe... but don’t get too excited, cause if my sister finds out then, she might start granting the Demon Lord lots of blessings, too!”

“From the sound of things, that fucker’s doing pretty alright for himself these days...” Just thinking about it is enough for me to groan.

“Exactly, so let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Don’t go getting super worked up about it or anything.”

Despite her protests, It’s hard for me not to be excited upon learning that my divine patron will support me more directly. Still, I contain my joy and relief long enough to hand the dove the shot glass I was withholding. Once Luxy has had herself a nice drink, I ask her, “Do you think we could start right now? Admittedly, there are two things I was hoping to get out of this conversation today. I hope they’re not too much trouble.”

“Hmph,” She frowns and looks over at her heavenly city sitting off in the distance. “I should’ve known we’d jump right into it. Mortals... always asking and taking without a scrap of appreciation... some things never change. Well, go on then. Tell me what you want, and I’ll see if it’s feasible.” The Goddess shows apparent signs of discomfort at the thought of taking orders, but from what I can tell, it doesn’t sound to be out of pettiness. Instead, she sounds tired, stretched thin.

“First and foremost, Opalina has been on my case and threatening me at every turn for sending out my adventurers without a healer in their party. I’m sure you know, but most parties of heroes are four-man teams with three offensive classes and one dedicated healer. I don’t know how you go about selecting women to be my destined partners, but I’d greatly appreciate it if you could-”

“Geez, you really do just drone the fuck on, don’t you?” Luxy laughs as she returns her glowing gaze to me. “I already had the next few adventurers planned out, actually. Are you saying I should throw out my plans, Mortal? It seems to me that you’re implying you think you know better than I, a Goddess.”

After a few awkward moments of silence, I admit, “...I do think I know better than you. At least in regards to this and other Guild-related business, that is.”

The Goddess doesn’t take this well, puffing her cheeks out and blushing red with a subtle rage. After a deep breath, she steadies herself and resolves herself to get even with me in some way. “Oh, I’ll find you a healer, alright...” Luxy giggles a menacing giggle as she snaps her fingers, summoning a glowing tablet of light in her hand. “I’ll find you the best damn healer possible, just you wait...!”

Already, I’m beginning to regret asking her for a favor so casually. The tablet she holds is somewhat transparent, meaning I can vaguely see the side Luxy is staring down at. “Is this how it works, then? Does that thing have a sort of list of potential adventurers to choose from or what?”

Luxy smirks, seeing an opportunity to profit from my lack of knowledge. “Oh, this old thing?” She asks as she holds the tablet out for me to inspect. “It’s no big deal, though... I suppose I could enlighten you on the matter if you really wanted me to... for another cup of ambrosia...”

“And yet you insist Mortals are the predictable ones,” I jest, handing off the shot glass to her dove. I was already preparing it for her before Luxy even finished her sentence. By now, I have a pretty good handle on how she works, so it wasn’t exactly difficult to sus out where this was heading.

Now, there’s only two to three cups worth left in the bottle. Upsetting, but if this clears the air regarding how the girls suddenly show up at my Guild, though, it’ll be ambrosia well-spent. I want an answer to whether this is happening consensually or not once and for all. This question has been eating away my conscience for far too long, even after the girls themselves gave me their opinions on the matter.

Luxy enjoys her sip of heaven, but as she tilts her head back, she lets out a small, almost inaudible burp. She looks at me, horror coloring her face now upon realizing she just performed a natural bodily function in front of a mere mortal. I turn my head, trying to pretend I didn’t see a thing, but it’s not enough for Luxy. “G-Goddesses don’t burp,” She says, her cheeks flushed bright red.

“Hmm? Did you say something? I wasn’t paying attention.” I lie, which apparently is good enough for Luxy.

“Right, um... anyway, this thingy right here,” She says, scrambling to go back to whatever she was about to do with her tablet, “Is what I use to set you up with all your potential adventurers slash lovers! I got some help from a few love Goddesses from other realms who owe me favors, and they all pitched in to make this. It’s an app that acts as a compendium of every registered female adventurer from across the realms, as well as girls who could easily be convinced to become adventurers!”

Luxy presses a button that appears on the tablet, then she flips the display to face me. Suddenly, hundreds upon hundreds of portraits appear showing an indescribable variety of girls- all of them cute, sexy, beautiful, or some variation thereof. I see just about every class imaginable represented just from this brief overview, and to top it all off, Luxy says, “And they’re ALL virgins!”

“Is that a necessary qualifier...? Granted, I was wondering why every girl who shows up in my life has no frame of reference when it comes to other men... it seems to me like I might have better options if that wasn’t a prerequisite.”

“Look,” Luxy shrugs, “I’m a Goddess of Light- purity, innocence, chastity... stuff like that is just par for the course with my type, you know? It’s thematic! Besides. If you HAD an option, could you really tell me with a straight face you’d prefer your girls to have known men besides yourself?”

She makes a rare, insightful remark that pierces my argument in twain. “Fair enough,” I rest my case.

“Mhmm, that’s what I thought. Now shut up and enjoy your nonstop buffet of devoted virgins.”

“If I had known religion worked like this, I would have started praying to you years ago...”

Luxy starts to laugh a bratty but cute laugh. “You think that mortals would like me more if I hooked more of them up with harems?”

“Couldn’t hurt,” I smirk. “So, Sam. She wasn’t an adventurer until shortly before we met. Did she come from this pool of ‘potential adventurers’ you mentioned?”

“Yup. That Princess is a huge deal for you, you know, it’s almost a good thing you waited so long to start using your dick-”

“I mean, it’s not like I didn’t TRY to use it-”

“Because now she’s totally come of age! Not only is her potential almost unlimited, but the twin-tailed brat will no doubt get you an ‘in’ with the Royal Family. All this on top of being a two-for-one deal with that little mute Mage! Don’t sleep on her either, by the way, even if she’s damaged goods, she’s still-”

I rise from my seat and clench my fists, contorting my face to look as threatening as I can. I really must be as thuggish as Meri seems to think I am because despite being a Goddess, Luxy flinches as she stares into my eyes. “Don’t ever call Zutiria ‘damaged goods’ again.”

“Shit, I didn’t- um...” Luxy starts to sweat, but it isn’t out of fear. She seems disappointed in herself yet again. “I didn’t mean it to sound like that... when it comes to mortals, a lot of times there’s... just this disconnect for me, you know?”

“Maybe it would help if instead of ‘twin-tailed brat’ and ‘damaged goods,’ you called them by their names?”

Luxy reflects on this before biting her lip and nodding her head. “I’ll try... it’s kind of weird for a Goddess to address mortals in such a way, but... I’ll do my best, I guess?”

I take a long look at the Goddess and once again confirm she’s genuine in her apology. Part of me can’t help wondering what made her so disconnected from mortals, or if she’s just always been like this since time immemorial. It doesn’t seem intentional, which makes it all the more confusing. “Thank you for trying, Luxy. That’s all I can ask.”

She smiles at me and scratches her head. “Yeah, well... moving on...”