Combat Therapy

“There’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while now, and it involves the Royal Blood. I think you need to look at your condition a little differently, Sam. Will you humor me for just a moment?”

“...Aren’t I already doing that?” She pouts in a sad way, not her typical angry, blushing way that I love so much.

“Right. I want you to think about all the other times you’ve lost yourself to your anger.”

“Oh yeah, that’ll fucking help. You were there for most of ‘em, anyway.” She crosses her arms, scoffing at the idea despite how much I’ve helped Sam talk through her problems before.

“Sam, this won’t work if you don’t trust me. This is therapy, and you need to be willing to work with me.”

The Princess struggles to see my point, and it’s clear that just thinking back is hurting her, but I need her to do what I say. “It’s... all the same, I think? Nothing that unique about any of the times it happened, or anything...”

“Exactly.”

The look in her eyes is doubtful, “Fuck’re you on about, Boss?”

“You said yourself you’ve been reading your own family’s history, yes? Think about it a bit more. As far we know, most Lundreames of the past had one or two things that they were fixated on. They didn’t just commit random crimes, no. Your worst ancestors are best remembered for the ridiculous things they latched on to that led them to commit crimes against the realms.”

“L-Like the foot-fetish King?” Meri raises her hand to ask.

“...Not helping, Meri.” Sam gives her an evil eye, causing the timid brunette to shrink in her armor.

“No, that’s actually a perfect example. Exactly like that, Meri. That King’s sexual obsession led Karnalle to declare war on Merryburrow, not to mention the de-footing camps he enforced on our Halfing immigrants, and-”

“Holy SHIT, Boss. This is your worst attempt at cheering me up fucking ever.” Sam interrupts, almost laughing as she shakes her head. “Can you just tell me where the hell you’re going with this?”

She’s not getting it, so I’ll just have to be more direct. “You have a fixation, Sam. Just like any other Lundreame before you, and it’s a lot more manageable than most, I think.”

Almost right away, the expression on her face drops all hints of sadness. Her eyes open, her lips part, and her jaw slacks. “Don’t... don’t fuck around with me, Boss. I know I’m fucked up. You don’t have to sugarcoat it.” Sam says in an attempt to lower her expectations.

I decide to ask Sam point-blank. “What set you off when fighting Right Hoe?”

“You... don’t wanna...” Her emerald eyes narrow, and she looks away, her brows upturned and furrowed from sadness.

I’m not playing around here, so I tell the Princess, “I do want to know. Stop ‘fucking around with me’, Sam. Even if I was focused on Meri, I was still listening. So go on and tell me what happened because I already know.”

Sam struggles with outright saying what had happened until finally, it bursts from “...She was threatening you, alright?! I got mad because she was saying all this dark shit, and-”

“How about when you went crazy and killed that adult Brood Wolf? Or when you almost lost it against the Greater Murdermoth?”

“Uh, DUHHHH. You were, and Zuzu were in danger both of those times, dummy! Meri could have got hurt too when we were fighting that big ugly bug!” She says with an irritated tone of voice, pointing it out like it’s the most obvious thing in the realm. 

It is. That’s why I asked her to say it out loud.

Meri gasps in a quiet, restrained way. The Shield Maiden figured out where I’m going with this before Sam, evidently, but she’s keeping quiet on it so Her Highness can puzzle it out for herself.

“Sam. Think about it. What about the very first time I saw you lose control of yourself? Back when we had to pay the late Mayor a visit. You drew your sword and were close to cutting him down.”

“He was shit-talking you and treating you like you were less than human! I wanted to shut him up- however the fuck it took! W-Why are you just fucking dragging up all my failures like this and telling me to ‘think about it’?! I AM THINKING ABOUT IT, DUMBASS! THAT’S WHY I FEEL SO SHITTY!!” As tears stream down her flushed cheeks and a small dribble of snot leaves her nostril, Sam begins to look unseemly.

I need to spell it out for the Princess. It’s not her fault she can’t piece things together when she feels so emotional... no matter how much she tries to convince me she’s an adult, Sam’s still just a hormonal teen.

“SAM! YOUR ROYAL BLOOD ONLY GETS UNCONTROLLABLE WHEN IT COMES TO THE PEOPLE YOU CARE ABOUT!” I respond as loud and as passionately as I can, doing anything it takes to reach out to the young warrior who means the realm to me.

Sam becomes silent as the realization dawns on her. She blinks several times, astonished. Hope begins to burn within her emeralds once again. “...Wait, are you... you’re not joking, right? RIGHT? Then that means that I-”

Meri approaches Sam on the mattress once more, smiling with love and warmth in her eyes as she wraps her arms around the Princess. As they’re both fully armored and the result is an adorable, clanky, metal hug. Meri speaks, “It means you’d never hurt me, Sam. Not in a way I-I didn’t ask you to...”

The Princess becomes overwhelmed from the bottom of her heart. She lowers her head, biting her lip as she starts to tremble in her armor while being embraced by the Shield Maiden. “So d-does... does this mean I... could maybe...?”

I wish she could see the smile on my face as I watch her heart fill with optimism. “I’m not an expert on the subject, but I do think it’d be easier to learn how to... well, not control your condition, per se, but... live with it? Own it? It’s something you’ll always suffer from, but I don’t think it always has to be a bad thing.”

I should have asked Luxy about Sam’s Royal Blood when we had our long talk... there has to be a reason behind it, or she never would have gifted it to the Royal Family, right? I doubt she’d just remove it if we asked, either. As much as it hurts to consider, the Royal Blood does indeed make her significantly stronger, and it was even listed as a Blessing on Sam’s Taskmaster Dossier.

Regardless, Sam’s expression contorts into one of pure joy, and I let her bask in it before inevitably ruining her mood. “Of course, you’re going to need to talk to your family about this at some point.”

All the joy is sucked straight out of Sam almost as quick as it came. Luckily, before the Princess has time to dwell on it, Zutiria unceremoniously announces her awakeness. Rising from the bed and throwing her arms out, she says, ‘All’s well that ends well.’

“GAH! Zuzu what the FUCK!” Sam pulls away from the metal embrace of Meri to look down at the Mage. “How long have you been awake?!”

‘The entire time. Sir had this covered quite nicely, so there was no reason for me to involve myself unless he couldn’t settle you down on his own. I could have said the same thing, but I think this matter was something you needed to hear from him and not me.’

“I-I knew it...” Meri sighs, well versed in the petite Mage’s trickery.

I was aware the Mage was awake, as well... she couldn’t hide it. I know what she looks like when she’s asleep by now.

‘Hug me, child.’ Zutiria opens her arms to the Princess, who blushes and reluctantly lowers herself into the Mage’s embrace. ‘There you go. I told you I’d always be here for you, didn’t I? That’s right, Sammy... that’s right... Come to Big Sister...’ She begins running her hand through Sam’s rough, tousled locks.

“Zuzu...” The Princess bites her lip and blushes an absurd amount, much to her embarrassment. No one teases Sam about it because the stroking seems to genuinely be calming her down a good deal. Zutiria’s been taking care of Sam’s moods like this since she was only five years old, and at times like these, it really shows...

The Mage looks towards Meri before extending her arm towards her as well and patting the opposite side of her lap. ‘You may also come to Big Sister, Meri. I have hands with which to pet all of my precious little ones.’

Watching her say such warm, fuzzy things brings a smile to my face, especially when she says it with that emotionless, doll-like expression of hers.

“U-Uh,” Meri looks around nervously. She clearly wants to but is embarrassed by the idea. “D-Do we even have time for that...?”

“I’ll allow it. So long as you’re all in the dungeon, I don’t think anything bad can happen to the captives. While time is of the essence, certainly, your health is important as well.”

As Meri starts getting petted by Zutiria, the Princess breaks off and asks, “So... Boss, does this mean you’re gonna make me come back home...?”

Snow shoots me a concerned look, showing how conflicted she is on the matter still. Despite that, I’ve already made up my mind.

“...I don’t think I can.” I hang my head, knowing full well this quest is impossible without Sam’s power. “Zutiria, is there anything in your spell list that might be able to help?”

The Mage begins to consider her options, thinking deeply behind her cold, still eyes. ‘Help in what way, Sir? Do you want me to forcibly alter Sammy’s emotions or something?’

“Can you even do that...?” Sam raises an eyebrow, tilting her head. I understand where she’s coming from. At times it certainly feels like Zutiria is pulling spells out of her ass.

‘I can do many things.’ Zutiria looks at the Princess ominously.

“How exactly would you keep her from going berserk while still keeping her lucid enough to fight efficiently? I’m not going to pretend I know very much about whatever school of magic has to do with altering the human mind, but...”

“As long as I can fight, I’ll do whatever it takes! Please, Zuzu!” The Princess grows resolute, confident that this is what needs to be done.

‘You say that NOW, Sammy, but Mentalimancy is not for the faint of heart. It could have drastic repercussions, and it’s best not used repeatedly on the same subject unless they develop a resistance to it. If I bail you out with brain magic here, we can’t rely on it to solve your problems again.’

“W-Would these repercussions be temporary...?” Meri asks as her fears grow. The poor girl just doesn’t want anything more to happen to her friend today.

‘They would be temporary in the sense that they would last until Opal returns home and fixes Sammy’s brain.’

“Sounds good to me. Whatcha think, Boss? I still gotta learn how to actually live with the Royal Blood, somehow, but this sounds good enough for now.” Sam has all but made up her mind, yet the Princess understands that I’m the one in charge. She respects my judgment.

Luckily for her, I’m in total agreement. Although she jokes around a lot, Zutiria would never offer to do something that would permanently mess Sam up. It sounds like the worst-case scenario is that the Princess might get a bit loopy yet still able to fight.

That’s more than a fair trade, in my book.

“I think we don’t have much of a choice. Before you magic up the Princess’s brain, though, why not rest a bit longer?”

‘I suppose I AM still a little sore...’ The Mage stretches out as a cute yawn flutters out from her throat, and she lazily lays back down on the bed.

“Good. I have an idea that’s sure to cheer everyone up, but first, I need to get the kitties and run it by Snow... They left the office briefly so we could have this talk.”

“What do you have in mind, Master? Why would Snow need to sign off on it? Are... are we going to t-take more stuff from this dungeon?” Meri begins blushing, her nervousness fading and replacing with potential excitement as her crimson eyes scan the warehouse shelves

“Hold up, Boss...” A glint appears in Sam’s eye, and a mischievous, fanged smile spreads across her cheeks. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“More than likely, my dear Sam. Start packing.”