At Least We’ll Always Have the Pimpfort

The alleyway Snow leads me to is just as good as any other in this wretched city in that it’s no good at all. It smells, there are bloodstains in a few choice spots, and it wouldn’t be Dewhurst if there weren’t evidence of illegal mana crystal usage, so there’s some of that sprinkled around, too.

Indeed, it’s the perfect setting for either a romantic confession or a dramatic goodbye. Time to find out which one we’re heading toward.

Once she and I enter together, Snow drops her polite posture and drags a breath of air. “You sure took your time,”

“My apologies. I slept till six.” A breathy sigh escapes me, and I rub my eyes, still feeling tiredness in the back of my mind.

“Lucky,” She raises an eyebrow at me, crossing her arms. “I haven’t gotten to sleep at all, nyaa. I’ve been busy overseeing emergency packing measures and in calls with the elders. Our current Stone of Farspeech is getting old and starting to lose connection, too... damn old assholes back home are hard enough to listen to as it is.” 

“Where exactly is home, might I ask? I must admit, I don’t know where the Breeding Tribe is permanently situated.”

“The Breeding Grounds are up in Echora, nyaa. Slightly southwest of Hunnihome...”

“I had a feeling it’d be around there, what with all the farmland and pastures.” 

“Indeed,” Snow sighs and gives me a dirty look. “That’s not important, though. I have to ask you not to try stalling this out longer than it has to be, Guild Myaster.”

“...And what exactly am I stalling, Snow?” I ask, grim yet determined.

“You’re stalling out our goodbye.” The head maid utters without a whiff of hesitance. “I’m giving you a brief chance for us respectfully bow out of each other’s lives and pretend all this flirting non-sense never happened. You have enough mates as it is, and I am needed elsewhere, nyaa.”

I knew this wouldn’t be easy, so perhaps it’d be best to start on the business talks before moving to personal matters. “Very well. Did you get to speak with the Elders of your tribe regarding the matter of my credit?”

“I did. They agreed to your terms, skipping the trial period and all. They’ve very grateful for the service you’ve done the tribe, and as we both agreed, you’re to be given one million gold’s worth of credit towards future adoptions- once you are no longer in open conflict with the self-titled Duke of Dewhurst. I had to omit that part, nyaa.”

“Bad kitty. Although... I did tell you to lie to make me look good, didn’t I?”

“You did. At any rate, you’re welcome...” The maid sighs, brushing some of her bangs out of her face and turning away from me. Silence fills the alley as we both struggle with transitioning into the next part of the conversation.

“So the tribe is leaving tomorrow, then?”

“Yes, we are,” Snow says with particular emphasis on the ‘we’. “I assume you’re here to make your last appeal to me and convince me to come home with you like I were a stray kitten, correct?”

“Of course not. You’re much too pretty and well-groomed to be a stray.” I smirk, hoping to break the ice.

“Cute,” She responds, eyeing me over with coldness.

“Joking aside, yes. I’m here to change your mind.”

“Of course you are. Let’s get this over with, nyaa.” Snow lowers her head, avoiding eye contact and crossing her arms defensively. Her long, fluffy tail droops behind her.

“For the record, that Doctor of yours... Gods, she wouldn’t stop interviewing me... Peri and Cherry kept trying to convince me to stay throughout the day, too...”

“I assure you I didn’t tell them to do that,”

“I know, Guild Myaster, just letting you know that it didn’t help... quite the opposite, in fact.”

I decide to ignore her statement and press on with a question. “Are you really that important to the Breeding Tribe?”

“...Yes. I’m one of the Pet Shop managers on the road, and when we’re at home, I instruct the art of housekeeping to the young ones.”

“So you help run the store, and you’re a teacher. Those don’t sound all that irreplaceable in the grand scheme of things, you know.”

“So says the outsider.” 

“Really, though. If you left the Breeding Tribe, what would happen? Would everything fall apart at the seams just because their best maid left to chase her own happiness, or would they be inconvenienced for a moment until inevitably replacing you?”

She blushes, looking away down further into the depressing alley. “Instead of answering you, I want to say something in response.”

“I’m listening,”

“...Guild Myaster, you may be the single most arrogant, selfish, egotistical man I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, nyaa.”

“How kind of you to admit it’s a pleasure to know me.”

“Very funny, but that only adds to my point. You’re surrounded by girls who love and care for you, and yet still you want more, and more, and more. You’ve let your desires become such a big part of you that they affect the way you look at the world as a whole, nyaa. You’re so self-absorbed that you think the only way for me to find happiness is to give up everything and be with YOU. Do you think I can’t be happy if it’s not with you, Guild Myaster?”

“Maybe, maybe not. All I know is you can’t be happy if you stay here, Snow.” Perhaps I push a little too far, but I take a step toward Snow. I don’t pin her against the alley wall, but I could very well do so from this position if I wanted to... if she weren’t several times stronger than me, anyway.

The Catfolk maid narrows her eyes with suspicion. “...What made you this way? Why do you want the world and everything in it? Moreover, why do you refuse to take no for an answer, nyaa?”

“Because all my life I’ve only ever been told no. ‘No, you can’t run an Adventurer’s Guild, you’re too young,’... ‘No, I won’t go out with you, aren’t you that creepy kid who killed his grandpa?’... ‘No, I don’t need any quests. I’m just stopping by on my way to Perlshaw’... It’s always been no, no, no. I got to a point where I was like you. Unhappy, at the end of my rope, nowhere else to go... but someone saved me, and I promised her I’d not limit myself any longer. I told her that if I want something, I’ll do everything in my power to get it. You’re right about me. I AM arrogant, and selfish, and yes, even egotistical. My goal is to create the greatest Adventurer’s Guild in all the realms, and as I want you... no, I NEED you to be a part of it- both as the Guild’s head maid and as my woman.”

For the first time in this conversation, Snowball pauses. Her striking, yellow eyes fill with cloudy hesitation. The woman now doubts herself. She weighs a life of servitude to the Breeding Tribe against a vision of what life might be like by my side. She sees herself taking care of adventurers, ensuring they always have hearth and home, and her heart beats with warmth when she pictures the smile on their faces.

“This is my final offer, Snow. I’ve made my case, and if after everything we’ve been through, you choose to continue on with your life, leave town, and forget about me... then... I hope I was wrong about everything and that you can truly find happiness with your lot in life. If nothing else, you’ll always have this to remember me by.”

I present the blue and white diamond-studded collar to the Catfolk and watch as her eyes stare in open amazement at the brilliant twinkling jewels. She gazes into the diamonds before briefly tearing her gaze away to look back at me, then back into the diamonds.

“What... what the fuck is that...?” Snow’s voice cracks.

“Do you not remember?”

“Yes, I remember... I just... you... you actually...?” As she stutters her way through her words, Snow’s mouth begins to gape. She covers it with her paws.

“Of course I did. You said you wanted a collar made from those diamonds we stole, didn’t you? A pretty feline like you deserves absolutely everything she could ever want, especially jewels.”

“It... it was a fucking joke, you...”

“Would you allow me to fasten this joke to your neck, then?” I undo the clasp and glide the brilliant jewelry towards her. Snow closes her eyes, takes a sharp inhale through her pink, cat-like nose, and bites down on her lip.

She pushes me away before the collar can touch the delicate, pink skin of her neck.

“No...” Snow looks at me straight in the eyes, sad and despondent. Shaking her head, she pushes herself to say, “Keep it. You’re going to need it.”

I put my foot down and take a step toward her once more, undeterred. “No, I won’t- It’s yours!”

The white-furred, elegant maid leaves the alleyway faster than I can chase her. Without turning back, she says, “...Peri and Cherry will be waiting for you at the entrance to the Pet Shop. Please leave before you get too close. I don’t want any of the other females to know you were here, nyaa.”

“Snow... don’t go... please...” I grit my teeth, clenching the collar harder in my hand. “PLEASE!”

Not a word is spoken by the fleeing feline as she sprints away, forever out of my grasp.

Snowball is gone before I can do anything about it, leaving me in the dirty Dewhurst alley with nothing but my own despair and dissatisfaction. Part of me says I should learn something from this whole affair. As much as I promised Sam that I would do what I want, and as much as Luxy gifted me with the capacity to love and be loved by women, I am not infallible.

The world and everything in it can’t be mine just because I want it more than anyone else...

Sure, seeing Snow go hurts, but I won’t let it defeat me. Neither will I mope forever about the one who got away. I’ll forge my path forward with the ones by my side and be thankful for them every moment of every day... though I suppose this would all sound much more convincing if I actually meant it. I’ll be upset for a while, sure, but I won’t let it get to me.

I take in the disgusting air of the conflicted city and prepare to take the first step on with my life, only for a window to open up a few buildings down from me. The sound of violent retching is heard, and bright green vomit hurtles out from the wooden fixture, splattering the already disgusting cobblestone with yet another layer of bile.

A one-armed man in a stained, white tank top steadies himself on the rickety railing before he looks down and notices me. His puke-covered face lifts up into a bright smile that, for the life of me, I can’t look at on account of my eyes. Much too many details and my stomach churns at the sight of him.

“KIDDO!” The drunkard raises his glass. “You gotta get in here and have a drink,”

“Niall, I don’t think there could possibly be a worse time in all the Realms-”

“Guess who just got elected mayor of Dewhurst?!”

Behind him, I hear the familiar voice of a Catfolk boy hissing. “The ballots were rigged. I want a recount, nyaa!” Niall ignores Milly, rolling his eyes.

“Shut the fuck up, you slut!” Niall shouts at the catboy, throwing his empty tankard of ale at his pink-haired political adversary. “We already did three recounts!”

“RIGGED!” Milly hisses.

I cradle my aching head. “I’ll be home all day tomorrow doing paperwork, just fucking stop by if you want to talk, I’m busy at the moment-”

“Sounds fuckin’ awesome to m-” Niall gives me a thumbs up and stops midsentence, puking all over the exit to the alleyway...

I want to go back to bed.