Chapter 57: Mana Control

I held my breath when I felt that harmful force once again. Vernon did nothing but stand there with his eyes looking normal as ever, he didn’t even seem to focus intensely. This was surprising, he just emanated mana like it was nothing.

I stood firmly from where I stood while Vernon was in front of me. Mera on the other hand, seemingly unable to withstand the pressure, moved away. Well, normally this would have been a fearsome force, I mean, who wouldn’t be afraid of something unperceivable that could potentially harm you.

But, wasn’t this too much?

“Sir Vernon, isn’t this too much?”

Yeah Vernon, I am a fragile princess, so chill.

“It is fine, this will bring no harm. You would just feel its presence, but it wouldn’t kill you.”

Uh-huh. But it could hurt someone right?

“It also would not physically hurt someone. You just feel uncomfortable, that’s all.”

“But this could be too much for the princess.”

How sweet of Mera, showing concern towards me. However, this was fine. If this would be the most efficient way, then I’ll take it.

“It’s fine, Mera. This… this I can handle.”

I focused on the invisible force engulfing me and spreading to the surroundings. Only then did I notice this was not only a strange force that seems harmful at a glance, but there was more.

I held out my hand and felt the force enveloping it. But when I closed my fingers, I couldn’t hold anything. It avoided closed spaces. Almost resembled air. And, there was this strange feeling.

It was hard to explain. You know that feeling you feel every night as if you were being watched from somewhere. Or the chills you feel when you’re anxious or scared. Or that feeling when your luck finally struck and hit the jackpot.

It felt like those. Which was pretty abstract, but it was. It felt like a mixture of many things. Feelings. Emotions.

Magical.

It didn’t make sense, but magic was illogical. So I can now easily accept this.

But this was a bizarre feeling indeed. I never felt something like this back in my old world that had no magic.

Mana was not empty. It had contents. It has something. It was not defined by not only a pressuring force, but also something else.

Then, as though a piece of me was completed, something whirled within me.

That was strange, I did not expect that. It only lasted for a moment. I presume that was part of the process. I have been feeling slightly strange lately after all.

However, now that I have assessed this mana, I finally felt like I now know the whole picture.

This feeling inside me, I know it now. That familiar feeling.

I couldn’t help but smile brightly.

“Your highness? You look happy.”

“Oh Vernon, I think I remember it now.”

… Yes, it felt that piece made me remember. But, weird, I was not supposed to remember it. I never experienced it before.

I am getting weirded out by magic, fuck.

But whatever...

Hm, this must be because of the memories from Estelia. Maybe not all memories were indeed embedded. But it can’t be, I truly remember, it felt complete. But maybe, just maybe, those memories or feelings that were pretty vague or abstract had difficulties injecting into my brain.

The feeling of mana was one of those vague things after all.

Interesting.

“You can stop.”

The presence of mana vanished in an instant.

“I’ll try it.”

I focused. I tried to control the mana I was feeling. Using the tips I have learned, I tried moving it. However, it appears it was not that easy.

I closed my eyes and increased my concentration. I held out my palm. I was intending to let out my mana out of my hand, the same way I experienced from my mother.

I took in several calm breaths. My mana was still, you could say, ignoring me.

But I do feel it. I pictured a container, then passageways, the one they refer to as the Mystic Medium. A circuitry. I imagined mana as some sort of electricity passing through wires and circuits towards their destination.

Please mana dear, heed my call.

Mana began to motion. Like an occurring ripple in a pond. It was small, yet a motion nonetheless.

I imagined moving that energy through my system. Then I felt something like a mild current.

I opened my eyes, and focused everything on the current.

I smiled.

I did it!

Of course it can’t be seen, but it was there.

But I pursed my lips, this was anticlimactic. Reason? Well shit, the mana was so feeble that it felt like a barely kindling candle light. Dammit, what a disappointment.

The guys back at the organization would be laughing at me if they saw this.

I thought I would be having it, you know, like a big boom! I’m royalty for fuck sake.

So, what the fuck is this?

Vernon moved one step forward as he peered at my hand.

“It’s a start.”

Don’t sound disappointed now.

I sighed loudly.

“Not what I expected.”

Perhaps I didn’t put more effort into it. Well, to be honest, it’s harder than it looks, maybe I have to do it even harder.

I pushed the current of mana even further. I can feel it flow through my metaphorical veins. It was harder to push as I anticipated, that my face contorted a little.

Only then, like a damn bursting out, a huge wave of mana emerged from my hand.

I smiled, but that was only for a second because I froze in shock.

I collapsed on my knees.

“Your highness!”

Vernon tried to pull me up, but he was unable to. He was also unable to catch me as I collapsed for the reason that he was also shocked. And now, before he could pull me up he was blown away into the air.

My hands trembled, I gritted my teeth as I endured the pain. Yes, pain. An agonizing pain.

“Milady?! W-What....?”

With a trembling body I raised my eyes towards Mera a bit distant from me. I already noticed something. The floor was shaking. No, not only the floor, but the air.

“Ugh!”

My chest felt like it tightened as I clutched it. It was hard to breathe.

What is going on?!

My entire body was filled with pain as the air itself around me trembled violently.

“Mera, keep your distance! You can’t hope to face this force head on!”

I heard Vernon’s loud voice.

But I didn’t pay it any mind, I did not pay attention to anything at all. I struggled to breathe, pain radiating all over my body.

Fuck Fuck!

This was way more painful than being shot or electrified! It felt like I was slowly being crushed from the inside while being ripped apart.

I was utterly confused.

“Your highness! Stop releasing mana!”

I raised my eyes to look at Vernon, he was using all his strength to come to me, but he couldn’t easily do it. It was like a very strong wind was pushing him away. Only then did I notice that the furniture had flown away from me.

I tried to do what he said. However, I couldn’t.

I can’t.

There was too much energy bursting out of me! I couldn’t control it!

Then I felt warm fluid coming down from my nose, I touched it with my fingers, I realized I was bleeding from my nose.

I want to swear out loud due to the pain. But I must not, I still had a little string of control in me. As if I wasn’t used to pain.

However, this was way incredibly intense. Now I feel like I might explode from inside out.

“I can’t stop it!” I yelled.

My mana was like water bursting out of a dam, unable to be controlled or held back.

I then felt more intense and agonizing pain.

“Aaah!”

I yelled unintentionally. But still, I hoped screaming out loud would help since yelling tends to relieve some pain. But it was useless.

I couldn’t stand. My legs felt weak.

I couldn’t even pass out.

“E-Estelia!”

I heard my mother’s panicked voice.

“Estelia, I’m coming! Hold on!”

I turned and saw a barrier emerging from my mother’s palm. She walked forward, however, the force kept pushing her away, she barely managed to reach two steps.

“Vernon, make her go unconscious!” My mother shouted.

“My queen! I am using all my body enhancement techniques, but this power is too strong!”

Was that his abilities?

All this time I have been trying to stop my mana from going wild. But no luck.

Dammit! I feel like dying again!

No! No! I’m not dying from something like this! I refuse!

Fuck this shit!

My emotions were boiling. However, it felt like a mistake, it only made my pain even more painful. This pain that could only exist in my imagination.

I glanced at my mother. Her eyes were terrified. Tears flowing down her cheeks. I see that she loved me so much.

Then suddenly my vision changed. I was still on the floor, but what my eyes saw were different, I was looking up.

“Look, she opened her eyes.”

I heard a woman’s voice. Everything was blurry, but I saw that woman, looking down at me, her face was close. I was baffled.

Why? Why does she almost look like me?

She had crimson eyes, the same color as blood. Her hair was white as platinum, and her skin was as white as snow. Who?

“That’s amazing! Hahaha!”

I heard an excited man’s voice, but I couldn’t turn my eyes, I couldn’t control my eyes. All I could see was the face of the woman as I looked up.

She smiled fondly at me, her eyes so warm. It reminded me of my mother.

What is going on?

The scenery then vanished in a blink of an eye and returned to normal. I couldn’t process what just happened.

I then saw my mother still trying to come to me.

“What’s going on?!”

I heard my Father’s voice.

“Estelia?”

“Estel!”

While still kneeling on the ground, I turned my head towards my Father and Estevan.

“Your majesty! The palace is shaking! Please remain guarded — the princess?”

One of the knights guarding the inside of the palace that barged in saw me and realized I was the source.

“Everyone! Put her to sleep, it’s the only way to save her.”

“Yes, sir!”

Estevan, Father, and the knights charged forward. However, most of the knights could only cover the same as Vernon. But my father, Estevan and a pair of knights still managed to walk further.

“My daughter, hang on! I’m coming!”

From the palm of my father, a burst of magic emerged clashing with my own.

Suddenly pain erupted and intensified again, I clenched my fist.

So I just need to fall unconscious. How does that work? I have no idea. But I can’t think of any way to fall unconscious but bash my head to the floor. But of course, no way I’ll get knocked out in one bash. So no way I’m not doing that.

But what if I die here?

I don’t want to. No way! I’m not gonna fucking die.

I forced to move my legs forward towards my father. It was hard, like I was carrying a giant boulder on my back. But, I can do this.

Of course, as I moved, it would get even more difficult for my father.

“Use your armament magic to push forward, but be careful not to harm my daughter!”

My father said to the knights. The pair of knights pulled their swords from their sheathes. Their swords glowed as they swing forward. But of course even their swings were being pushed back. However, they were doing better than before. Meanwhile Estevan was doing the same as Father.

They better don’t fucking hit me! Else I’ll fucking kill you myself!

Then, like before, my visions changed again.

It was dark with only what seemed like lamps of flames to light the room. Not only the eyes were seeing stuff, but I knew there were also sheets on my back, and it was soft, a blanket covering me. I feel everything that I should feel. Only then I realized I was strangely small.

Then, a dark figure was looking down at me. It was blurry so I couldn’t tell who it was.

But, when I saw something, my breath got stuck on my throat. Every muscle on my body tensed up. Above me was a blade, being held by the person. The end of the short blade was pointed at me.

I was reminded of my death.

I had an idea what was going to happen.

Then, as I thought, the blade began to descend.

“No! Not again!”

My survival instincts kicked in, my mana unleashed more of its power.

I’m not dying again! Not like this!

I have only existed in this life for a short time. No way in fucking hell was I going to let it go that easily. I was starting to live a good life. I am not going to let it end. I will survive. I will fight. I will not get the receiving end of a blade.

However, the vision did not change. I felt the blade dig into my skin. Then pain followed.

My vision changed in an instant, now back to reality. I feel the wind coming in, going around my skin. I saw the windows had been shattered.

That vision felt so real. I know I was there. I felt the warmth of the sheets. I felt the coldness of the air. I felt the pain of the blade.

I realized I was now standing on my own with trembling legs. I peered around and saw my father, Estevan and the knights that were supposed to be closer were now far away, lying on the ground trying to get up.

My head started to hurt. I held my temples. I felt dizzy and drowsy.

But I need to hold on.

I remembered that I have daggers on me. It was stupid of me to forget them for a moment!

If I fall unconscious, everything I have hidden will be revealed.

Fuck! Damn you mana!

I put all of my willpower into stopping the mana. It was almost like pushing forward a heavy large boulder. However, I must do this. If I fail now, everything will fall apart. I gave my all to pull back the mana.

The mana slowly came back within me and was gradually being compressed. But the pain and heaviness of my body was still there. I still feel like I was going to faint. In fact, it made things a bit worse.

“The mana is weakening!” Estevan shouted.

I held out my hand towards them, signaling that they should stop.

“I will take care of this!”

It was difficult to block off the flow of mana from coming out again while taking it back. But a couple of minutes later, the mana I was unleashing had disappeared from the air.

That said, I felt more terrible compared to before.

But I can still hold out for a while.

I rubbed off the blood on my nose with the back of my hand.

“My daughter,” I heard my father’s voice.

I then saw my family rushing towards me.

I tried my best to stand firmly.

“I… I’m fine.”

Dammit, I can’t faint. I can’t. Or else they’ll discover my weapons.

“I want to return to my room.”

“What? Sister you need to be healed.”

My other family members agreed. However, I have no time for this.

“Then send the healer to my room.”

I said so as I immediately went on the move. My legs were a bit unstable, but I can manage.

My family protested, but I have no time to listen. If I were to choose being thought of as acting weird or being discovered to have weapons, I would choose the former anytime.

“Let me help you, dear sister,” my brother said with concern as he held out his arms.

I have no intention of accepting. If I relax now, I feel that I would lose my grip on my consciousness. And, he must be intending to carry me. No way, not with weapons on my thighs.

“I’m fine,” I said with a smile, though I was slouching slightly.

Of course my mother, father and brother were appalled by my words.

“Estelia, stop it,” my father said.

I ignored him and rushed my steps.

Shortly I arrived at my room. I instantly went to turn the door knob.

“Give me some alone time for a while.”

I said to them before entering.

“Est—”

I closed the door and locked it. My legs trembled, but I still reached for under the bed, where my secret stash was hidden. I pulled it out. I then unstrapped the belt on my thigh, without a care for anything else I put the belt with daggers inside the bag. Of course I made sure to do things quietly.

“Estelia!”

They called to me from behind the door.

I ignored them. The sweat from my forehead dropped to the floor. I was sweating like hell right now due to the heavy feeling of my body along with the pain.

I then pushed the bag back under the bed.

I sighed.

I was frustrated. My actions today will cause some strange impressions. But what choice do I have?! Fuck!

“Ugh.”

I groaned in pain, the mana I was holding was still threatening to come out. And I’m losing my consciousness.

How do I explain my actions? Think. There was nothing I could think. My actions were too strange.

Unless…

Should I do that? But it wouldn’t make sense. But, I can’t say it was for no reason at all that I decided to come here despite my condition.

I need to have a reason.

Dammit, no choice then. The heavier the reason, the more effective it gets.

The world had started to blur. Even so, I walked towards the door.

I opened it, and was greeted by all the eyes of my family. They were shocked and confused when they saw me.

My hands trembled intensely. Tears coming out of my eyes, lips shook as I tried to speak. It should be mentioned though that my tears felt sticky. But no time to think about it.

“Este—”

Mother was about to speak when I interrupted her.

“Mother, is it normal to see visions that felt real?”

“What?”

“I-I saw it. I felt it.”

I looked at every one of them, my eyes full of terror.

“It was painful. A blade coming down towards me. But, I couldn’t do anything...”

I collapsed on my knees as an expression of agony suddenly formed on my face. I released a small amount of mana gradually.

“I’m s-scared… That’s why I didn’t want to be touched. I… I didn’t know what was going on… I might hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you!”

“Estelia.”

My father reached out for me, but was unable to grasp me. Some force was pushing his hand away.

Now that I have released my mana, my dizziness only intensified as well as the pain. Therefore, my consciousness was waning.

“F-Father.”

It was best to let go of my consciousness, so I did.

It was then there I fainted.

Tearing_Sanctuary

Quite a long chapter. Here we saw the strength of Estelia's endurance and willpower despite the intense pain she was going through.

Next chapter: Subject 218