Vol. 2 Chapter 14: I will do it even with the smallest freedom

As my maid and I sat together side by side, Vernon explained his physical enhancement technique with a resigned sigh, giving us a verbal warning that this would be a bit dangerous if something went wrong. He warned that we will experience pain in the process, and the amount would vary.

I’m fine with a bit of pain, but I don’t know about Mera. Well, it’s just pain anyway, I’m sure she can bear it.

Physical enhancement, unlike normal magic casting, has mana used within the body itself. Instead of manipulating your mana flowing through the Mystic Medium outward and giving it form and attributes, prevent the mana from going out and keep it raw. Which was harder than it sounds since it’s hard to keep mana inside the body while channeling. That’s why you shouldn’t keep it stagnant.

The way Physical Enhancement is done was to have the mana flow through your muscles. When I say muscles, I mean every fiber of the body or which part you want to enhance. Vernon mentioned again that it was easier said than done since you would need to spread out the flow of mana into numerous channels going through your veins, flesh, and fiber in the body.

Then that was the reason why it would hurt since you would be tampering with your very own flesh.

“Princess, especially you, please be careful and gentle. I don’t want your family to realize what you are attempting to learn.”

He pleaded to me since my family had no idea that I was trying to learn physical enhancement. If they knew, they would definitely prohibit me from doing it and have me focus on spell casting instead. This kingdom has an ideal image for women after all, women nobles at least. Why would a noble woman learn physical enhancement when they know spell casting and why not improve on that instead? When spells can be stronger than mere physical enhancement. Well, I presume they only say this because aristocrat ladies have no need to go to a battlefield. If time was peaceful, I would have been fine with spell casting alone, but that wasn’t the case at all.

“Of course, Vernon.”

We started the practice after he expanded on the starting steps. He had me and Mera stand up since sitting down would be too much of a slack. Enhancing the entire body at the beginning would be too difficult and challenging for a beginner, so he had us try to enhance a single arm.

I chose my right arm as well as Mera — right-hand gang!

I unleashed a small amount of mana, I could feel it leave outside my body. But I retracted them and pushed them into my body, grimacing at the face of difficulty. I had it move through my flesh before they could completely go out, however, it felt like there was a wall blocking its way.

I may have a precise control of mana now, but that was for output and giving it form, not injecting them into my flesh. That aside, I followed a tip Vernon included in his teaching. It was to use mana to find tiny gaps to get through. Were there such gaps? Must be a metaphor — or he didn’t mean literally.

I slowly thinned my mana touching my flesh and muscles and slowly spreading them out, trying to find the gap he was talking about. Those gaps were the ones to be used as some sort of channel to spread mana through my system.

When I tried to push through the walls, there was a stinging pain on my arm, causing a twitch to my cheek. I cannot get through anything. I have already thinned out my mana into strings, but there was no gap to go through.

I tried pushing through and my arm trembled. Strange, very strange, there was nothing. And I have already spread out my mana to engulf my entire arm.

“Princess! Lower your mana!”

I flinched in surprise by Vernon’s sudden outburst. Confused, I sternly raised my gaze towards him with furrowed brows. His hair was gently fluttering but there was no wind that touched my skin. I shifted my eyes to Mera and the edges of her hair were waving like Vernon’s, and she looked at me with wide worried eyes.

Ah, was it because of my mana?

That’s not right….

“Princess, didn’t I say to use the lowest amount of mana?”

“B-But I did use the smallest amount.”

Of course I did. I follow instructions, you know.

“Is that so? Then why are you still affecting everything around you?”

“Huh.”

Huh. I was sure that was all I could bring out at the minimum.

“I’m s-serious, Vernon! That is all I can do.”

“...” His eyes went wide in disbelief. “Do you still lack the skill to control your mana…? No, could it be because of the amount of mana you innately have within?”

Normal individuals shouldn't have as much difficulty controlling the output of mana as I did, like Mera, she didn’t have to struggle as I did in the beginning. However, her difficulties lie in giving mana form. As for me, in the beginning, controlling the amount of mana to let out and control was challenging.

Could it be that I am still lacking? No, no way. I thought I was doing fine. So something else must be wrong.

Then, there could only be one reason.

“Milady, your arm.”

I look at my arm. My breath froze when I saw it had become tinged in red. I moved back my sleeve and the entirety of my right arm has turned red as if it was sore. I did feel pain though and I didn’t try to think a lot about it.”

As though panicking, Vernon grabbed my arm and checked it. He slowly pressed down.

“Ow!”

I expressed the pain caused by what he did.

“It has turned sore already. Could it be because of the amount of mana you flowed through it? Or could it be because of your constitution?”

Maybe both.

“V-Vernon, is it bad?”

“You will need to rest for today. If we keep on going, your skin will tear and bleed.”

Damn, so it does tamper literally with flesh.

“We’re fortunately you have no tears whatsoever. Otherwise, your family might have realized, but it will gradually lessen later.”

“What about healing magic?”

“It will be too minor for healing magic, a residue of the redness will remain. You will be fine though, there doesn’t seem to be any bleeding, if it did, your skin would have ripped for a little. It will slowly return to normal, and by dinner the redness should turn faint. However, your family might notice it, they have a sharp eye for you, after all.”

“I will keep the long-sleeved dress then, to at least cover my arm to the wrists.”

“That will do.”

He heaved a deep sigh.

Conclusion, I have a vast amount of mana that the minimal amount I could exude was already shocking. Ugh, do I need to practice and adjust again?! Add to that injecting mana into my body — what is this? Steroids?!

I should also hope the redness would dissipate to a great degree later.

Vernon had me sit down and rest, my arm was starting to feel numb.

I turned to Mera.

“Mera, what about you? How did it go?”

“It is a bit hard, but I am making progress. That said, my arm is starting to ache. But it hasn’t turned red, so I can keep going.”

She’s able to say confidently that she’s making progress, so that must definitely be the case. Maybe because she has less mana than me that it was easier for her, not to mention her constitution, that’s a maid for you!

Aaaw, and I have a decently good constitution from my past life too. Do I need to workout some more here? Damn.

“Then, continue. I will cheer you on.”

With a smile, I tried clapping but after one, my arm flinched due to the pain. Yeah, let’s not do that for now.

With a nod, Mera continued with her training.

Looks like I’ll be doing nothing for today, what a bummer.

“Vernon, can’t I just use my other arm?”

“Princess, are you mad? Then which arm will you use if both are sore?”

“Then what about a leg?”

“Certainly not. Please behave for now.”

With a pout, I crossed my arms, enduring the pain while doing so.

Mera kept on going for an hour. Like how? Even Vernon was surprised about it.

As I was doing nothing, I played around with magic spells. White mist emanated from my left hand as a small shard of ice formed above it.

Gradually it formed into a blade those found from daggers, except there was no hilt included. Sadly, this process happened longer than I wanted. Ice was only created an inch every second, not even good to use in urgent situations.

I pressed the ice construct between my thumb and index finger, it didn’t need much strength to shatter it completely, cracks instantly spread everywhere, and then it broke apart. The ice shards fell off my hand before vanishing into mists. The frost weapon was also too fragile to be used as a poking stick.

I will need to practice this for several days.

As I was practicing, I glanced at Mera for a moment. She was grimacing a little. She seemed to be doing well though. I have the feeling that she’ll surpass me in this department. If she manages to have combat capabilities, she will become more useful than before, so I’m looking forward to her development.

As time passed, I was getting a bit bored, while ignoring Vernon’s prying eyes when I was practicing my frost magic. I was intending to train hard on physical enhancement, but it ended up otherwise. And my arm was still sore.

A ball of golden light floated around my arm. I wanted to try the Flash Bang, but obviously I can’t do it here.

Almost two hours had passed, during that time, I would practice my spells and read the book of magic. Might as well make progress. I also took a deeper look at healing magic all the while.

Then I heaved a sigh.

I stretched and walked towards the windows, gazing at the outside scenery where the green grasses and healthy trees stood tall. Birds flew around, and some dived through the foliages where their nests lie. It was a peaceful view, in a peaceful place.

I could have been there. On the grassy floor, maybe having a little picnic, relaxing as I watch the blue sky while white clouds move about. I looked at the walls from afar.

Maybe, I could have been there outside, peacefully visiting places I have never seen. Only thinking about the leisure and the beauty and wonder of places. I could have been enjoying delicacies to my heart’s content. I could have enjoyed the freedom I have received, where I could stretch my wings however and wherever I want.

I held out my hand and touched the clear glass window, my eyes gazing beyond the walls of my home.

I would have been free to do anything. My mind would have been at peace.

And yet…

And yet I have to think, contemplate, ponder, predict, visualize, strategize… worried for my life… Did the universe consider my actions a sin? What were my sins? Was the universe punishing me for that? Was sin not a matter of perspective?

Killing? Would such a thing be a sin in a place of death? Would murder be a sin when that’s all you have known to be right? If it was my punishment, then… What right does the universe have to do this to me? Gods? What right do they have to me?

I refuse to accept such a reason. Absurd.

...Everything was starting to feel so short, even life itself.

It’s tiring.

What a surprising thing coming from me...

...

…. That’s it.... I’m done being restrained. After all that time I wanted to buy everything at my luxury. Wanting to experience living with no anxiety. Wanting to go everywhere I want with no eyes watching me, and voices warning me.

I will do everything I can to taste freedom. Danger was around the corner, but I shall be prepared and also be careful, wary. No matter how small the freedom, I shall take it. I will go to the festival even if my parents demand otherwise. I shall maybe meet with other nobles, that could be entertaining, maybe I can meet with other fellow noble ladies.

I’ll also find a chance to go out into the city again. But then again, maybe I can get that opportunity during the festival. Dresses, I also want new dresses, that could also be a chance to get a special outfit made. Music, I’ll also learn more about the music here.

Yes, I shall not let anyone get in my way. If they do, they’re dead. Even if there are thousands of them, I shall become a million army if it means their elimination.

… Aaah, forming a great resolve felt good. A new ambition. A fabulous desire. A needed wish. It’s a good driving force, repelling the stress.

“Your highness? Are you feeling okay?”

I heard Vernon’s beckon.

I turned around, retracting my hand from the window, and faced him with a smile.

“Yes, good. Very good.”

His eyes went wide, as though aghast. Mera also looked both puzzled and surprised.

How was I smiling?

I don’t know.

But, maybe I have gotten too honest with my wish.

Tearing_Sanctuary

Next Chapter: Foreteller (Part 1)