Chapter 217 - Wavering

Keeley couldn't fall asleep for hours in her old bedroom that night. She stared at the ceiling as she tried to decide what to do. She knew that staying with Aaron would be more convenient overall. But she also knew that it was a TERRIBLE idea.

He had wormed his way into her heart before. Not once but twice. His kindness these days affected her. If she stayed now…it was possible that she might never leave.

That being said, it was a big place—she could avoid him if she tried. And in a few weeks once school started again, she would be so busy that she would hardly see him anyway. Hadn't she barely seen her roommates the past couple of semesters?

Ugh. No matter what, the answer wouldn't come. Neither would sleep.

The next morning Keeley woke up having gotten maybe two hours of sleep total and had to commute more than an hour to get to NYU. It didn't put her in the best mood.

That alone had her leaning towards staying with Aaron. He actually lived in Manhattan so the commute would be cut in half. But could she really handle the consequences?

Living with someone she knew was interested in her was just asking for trouble. She had never had a male roommate before. This would seem too much like when they were married. Those were dark times she wanted to forget.

"You look awful," Erica noted when she showed up at the lab.

"Thanks," she said sarcastically. Anyone would if they were up all night, okay?

"Come on girl, it's summer! You have no reason to be this tired since you don't have homework. Unless someone got lucky last night?"

A cheeky smile lit her coworker's face and Keeley was tempted to smack her.

"Absolutely not. I just had to wake up early because I came in from Brooklyn this morning. I'm kind of homeless so I'm staying with my family."

Erica's smile dropped immediately. "Homeless? How did that happen?"

Keeley explained the situation, starting with how Jennica got married and Valentina moved in with someone else because it was cheaper as she got out her lab equipment.

"…and the person watching my cat offered for me to move in as well but I don't think I should because it's a guy."

Her eyes widened. "A guy? Is it the one who keeps sending you food?"

"Yes," she admitted begrudgingly. In the soap opera that was her life somehow everybody always guessed correctly when Aaron was involved.

"Girl, this goes way beyond feeling sorry for you and wanting to make something up to you," Erica said with a disbelieving shake of her head. "That sounds like boyfriend territory."

Keeley sighed, wanting to bury her face in her hands but she had already put on her gloves and couldn't contaminate them.

"I know which is why I don't want to do it. But I'm so tired and it's only been one day of commuting. I'm wavering."

"You have a considerate, attractive man who wants you to live with him. Of course you're wavering," she said as she rolled her eyes. "What's holding you back?"

It was easier to give the simplified version of things. Her answer was but the tip of the iceberg. "We were together before and it didn't end well."

Dr. Kim came in so they had to get to work and stop chatting—they had been busted for standing around gossiping on the job before. Erica busied herself with the rats while Keeley set up the data entry program on the computer.

She asked them how it was going and they gave a minimal explanation. Satisfied, she went back to her office to continue grading papers. Both lab assistants heaved a sigh of relief.

"You want to know what I really think?" Erica asked once the coast was clear. "I'm not normally a proponent of continuing on-again off-again relationsh.i.p.s but whatever your issues with this guy were he seems genuinely committed to you now. He didn't cheat on you, did he?"

"No."

"Hit you?"

"No."

"Then what was it?" She was clearly confused why Keeley hadn't accepted him back.

Ah, how to put this without giving too many details…Aaron selfishly put her in danger, kept things from her, didn't show affection, and made her feel terribly alone. In the end, she supposed it really boiled down to communication issues. He had been a block of wood that didn't know how to trust others.

"Communication issues," she said flatly. Among other things, it seemed to be the root of the problem. "Really bad ones. I'm over him but I don't want to put myself back in an uneasy situation."

The universe kept trying to bring them back together. How else would she be unlucky enough to end up homeless when Aaron conveniently had a solution? Was she doomed to be connected with him forever or what?

There were clearly strange otherworldly forces at play here. Reincarnation was unbelievable enough for one person but for it to happen to both of them…

It would have made more sense for Keeley alone to have been reborn since she died traumatically. In the beginning, she thought she had been given a second chance to do her life over right. Aaron being reborn too screwed everything up.

Since she had approached him first initially, he wouldn't have ever made contact with her. They would have been nothing more than seat mates for a quarter and she wouldn't have to deal with all of this confusion. But she wouldn't have ever known the truth, either.

It seemed that they had both been reborn with the purpose of trying to get their relationship right. She didn't care about that! She just wanted to live her life properly without love as a distraction.

Erica shrugged. "If it's just communication issues in the way, why not talk things out?"

Keeley sighed. It was tiring fighting against the inevitable. They really did need to talk at some point but she was afraid of where it might lead. She didn't want to go back to the way things were.

"I think we may be past that point."

She shook her head. "Girl, it's your life. Do what you think is best. If you'll excuse me, the rats need to be fed."

She walked off in search of rat food, leaving Keeley alone with her thoughts. She knew what she should do; she just didn't want to do it.