Chapter 229 - Don't Apologize

Keeley had only been living with him for slightly less than a week and Aaron missed her already. Pathetic. It was just an overnight stay at her family home; it was nothing to worry about. But he missed her. She brought life into this place.

When he heard the elevator door open downstairs he had to stop himself from running down to greet her. She probably wouldn't appreciate that. So he focused on his magazine and stayed put on the couch.

He planned on casually asking her if she had a good time with her father before he saw her face. It was puffy, red-eyed, and had tear tracks all over it.

Aaron immediately jumped up and barely stopped himself from reaching out to her. So much for playing it cool.

"What happened? Are you okay?"

Keeley put on a brave attempt at a smile. "I guess there's no point in hiding it. Today is the anniversary of my mom's and Kaleb's deaths."

Oh. A pit formed in his stomach. He knew what that was like. June 16th, the day he lost her, was always the worst day of the year until he had been reborn. He was still burdened by memories on that date but it didn't bother him as much because he knew she was out there alive somewhere.

"I'm so sorry," he said in a worried tone. "Um…do you need anything? Is there anything I can do?"

She walked forward and wrapped her trembling arms around him. He froze in shock. What was she doing?

"No, I'm the sorry one. I never realized…it must have been horrible for you after I died and yet I was so nasty to you once you got me back. If I had the chance to meet either of them again and they treated me the way I've treated you I would have been destroyed," she sniffled. "Please forgive me."

What?! This wasn't right! She had nothing to be sorry for! Everything he experienced was the direct result of his own stupidity. Keeley's behavior toward him had been completely justified. He ruined her life.

"Don't apologize. You never have to apologize to me about anything; I know I brought it all on myself," he mumbled guiltily as his arms tightened around her.

She started sobbing into his shirt and Aaron felt completely helpless. It seemed like, as usual, he was only making things worse.

He led her to the couch and sat her down before going off to fetch some tissues and water. She was probably pretty dehydrated based on the state of her eyes. She was crying too hard to accept either of his offerings and he wasn't sure what to do.

Keeley desperately wiped at her eyes as she continued to cry but it wasn't making a difference. He gestured for her to scoot closer so he could put a comforting arm around her shoulders but she surprised him by climbing onto his lap and burying her face into his neck.

The collar of his shirt quickly became soaked but that was the last thing on his mind. Aaron was more preoccupied with the fact that the woman he loved willingly sat on him without being drugged out of her mind.

He knew she was simply seeking comfort but she wouldn't have done it to just anyone. She trusted him, no matter how tiny that amount of trust was. All of his efforts to be a good friend paid off.

Aaron rubbed her back, not sure what else to do. He didn't have much experience comforting people. In fact, the only person he had ever tried it out on was Keeley and she didn't cry much. Or…she hadn't in their first life.

Either she was becoming more emotionally unstable or she had felt uncomfortable showing weakness in front of him back then. He was betting on the latter.

Even so, she was still usually such a cheerful person. Seeing her cry was distressing.

He instinctively pressed a kiss against her hair before freezing. That probably crossed the line. He relaxed after a few moments of her not reacting. Either she didn't notice or she didn't care.

Keeley snuggled closer to him as her sobs finally lessened. Now she had a case of the hiccups.

"…do you want your water now?" he asked awkwardly.

She nodded and he reached out to grab it from the side table, doing his best not to jostle her. She took a sip before hiccupping again.

Several hiccups later, she scowled. "Stupid hiccups. I've had them on and off all day."

Probably because she had been crying on and off all day too. His heart ached for her. Loss was a funny thing. You could be going along perfectly fine and it would hit you out of nowhere. It never fully left.

She took a deep breath before gazing into his eyes. "After going to the cemetery we looked at old pictures and watched home videos…it was the videos that got to me most. I hadn't heard their voices in a couple years."

Aaron didn't have many videos of Keeley. He wasn't really the type to doc.u.ment things and she pretty much stopped after they were married. The last pictures they ever took together were probably on their honeymoon. The few that came after that were taken professionally at business functions.

The videos that did exist were short, silly, and usually didn't show her face. They were saved to her laptop and usually involved narrating things they were doing. He showed up in those videos more than she did.

But he understood what she meant when she talked about hearing their voices. Hearing Keeley's voice from beyond the grave—sounding happier and less weary than it had the last several years of her life—never ceased to break him. He only watched them when he was feeling particularly masochistic.

More often than not he relied on pictures. Keeley took a lot when they were dating even though he made her swear not to post them anywhere because he was worried they would get back to his father somehow.

She took pictures almost every time they went out on a date so he had a lot to choose from when he wanted to remember her smile. Not that he truly needed pictures for that—the image of his wife was forever imprinted on his brain.

The photos' primary purpose was being a physical reminder that he had been happy once and lost it because of his own poor choices. Aaron had struggled with extreme self-loathing ever since he lost her.

"I usually stuck to pictures," he admitted. "The only videos I really had just had your voice and showed me on camera. I didn't want to see my own stupid emotionless face."

She let out a strangled laugh due to all the mucus in her throat from sniffling then was instantly contrite. "Sorry, it's just…that's a really good way to describe it but I didn't expect it to come from you."

He sighed in self-deprecation. He really had been such an idiot. Would it have killed him to smile at his wife more?