Chapter 11.11

‘Are you trying to seduce me or are you reproaching me?’

After doing this and that, he went back and forth as usual. Jaeyoung belatedly got the gist of what Sangwoo was trying to say. In other words, what to others was known as a waning ‘desire,’ only caused a strong reaction in him. It was exciting enough material to make a movie out of, but it was just used as a boorish confession. What were all the erotic movie directors doing not recruiting Chu Sangwoo?

“So try it once with me. You don’t know what it’ll be like.”

It was the last-ditch effort of a desperate man who had failed to abandon his wild instincts. The kid was sniffling in front of him and he was trying to touch him in any way he could. Sangwoo shook his head with a tired face.

“How could I do such a thing to you, sunbae? No matter how horny I am, I can’t do something that harmful… I really can’t. Moreover… in the defecating organ… I don’t have the confidence to insert it there. You seem to have high expectations. I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

“…”

He was a self-centered guy no matter how he looked at it. He didn’t even consider the fact that his partner was a man, and he was 100% sure he would be the one to put it in since he was a guy. A sigh escaped on its own.

Chu Sangwoo. The lack of social awareness and sympathy were so extreme that it couldn’t be explained by mere words. He was one of a kind. Had he lived a rigid life for 25 years without establishing deep human relationships with people around him?

‘It’s tiring, so tiring.’

The emotional exhaustion Jaeyoung felt was too great to try to sleep with him once. He didn’t know how many times he had ridden a roller coaster because of that guy.

‘Fuck, it’s an unprofitable business.’

Jaeyoung covered his eyes with his palm and sat down for a long time.

“First of all, I understand what you’re saying. Let’s sleep and talk tomorrow since neither one of us are in their right state of mind right now. You also need to sober up.”

“…”

“Aren’t you going to respond?”

Jaeyoung, who looked back while thinking ‘this bastard’s getting angry again,’ stopped talking. Sangwoo had fallen asleep while leaning his head against the wall.

“You piece of shit!”

His sleeping face looked so innocent that his anger flared up even more. He clenched his fist, but there was nowhere to swing it, so Jaeyoung just turned his head away.

He was sitting hunched over and was lost in thought. It was gradually approaching the time to decide what to do in the future. If he thought they would break up after this slump, it would be better to end the game now. He had already worked like a slave and created a large framework, but the prototype would soon increase his workload.

“Fuck… what’s so complicated?”

If you’re attracted, proceed. If you’re not, stop. Simple rules had broken down. Work, sexual desire, and dating represented the vertices of a triangle now tormenting him. Perhaps quitting this was the wisest choice, as Sangwoo had said.

Jaeyoung got up with a sigh and briefly washed his hands and his face in the bathroom. When he came out, he noticed the most significant presence in the place: the computer.

‘No! You can’t check the computer.”

If someone tells you not to, it’s natural to want to do it even more. Before he left Sangwoo’s place, Jaeyoung approached the transparent case and pressed the power button. Even if he only wore black clothes, the LED light strip emitted rainbow colors from the top of the monitor.

The computer seemed to be fully specced-out, seeing as it started up in an instant. Since it was a personal computer that he used by himself, he hadn’t set up a password, and the black-and-white background wallpaper of a grid pattern immediately appeared. A chessboard seemed to be spread out on a wide dual screen. There were only three icons.

My Computer, Recycle Bin, and…

‘Huh?’

Jaeyoung moved his head close to the screen because he thought he had seen it wrong, but there was a folder that clearly said ‘Jang Jaeyoung.’

He had no idea what the hell could be in it. Was it a folder that stored his weaknesses? Was it a collection of documents in preparation for a lawsuit?

Jaeyoung double-clicked on the folder with anxiety.

‘What is this?’

The folder was full of pictures of Jaeyoung. Dozens of photos and more than ten videos had been saved. There were even pictures from high school that he didn’t remember taking to recent uploads on his social media. They were arranged according to the year and date of the picture, location, and source.

“I didn’t know you use me to get off, you fucking perv.”

The ‘Other’ folder was even more spectacular. Jaeyoung’s favorite things, styles, athletes, and hobbies had been carefully organized into a document. The fact that the latest update of the YouTube playlist was ‘today’ meant that he had checked it in the morning.

It was an absurd situation, like a scene from a sitcom, but from the bottom of his heart, a temperature between hot and warm was gradually spreading. His heart was pounding, and it was tingling from beneath his skin. A smirking laughter escaped.

‘Chu Sangwoo… are you sure this is just a simple desire?’

He exited the Jang Jaeyoung folder and explored Sangwoo’s computer more. Like a person who wants to be a game producer, he had all the recently released games laid out. Not just online games, but also bundle games that were making headlines. While opening this and that, the mouse cursor got to the download folder.

He suddenly remembered that Sangwoo had told him in the car that he had paid for a video that he would study. Like he had said, there were five video files downloaded two days ago in the folder. Jaeyoung frowned at the title.

‘Object, fetish, and dildo are fine, but… incest, gang bang, torture, bondage?’

He double-clicked and played the videos one after another.

In the first video, there was a scene where two men in lab coats were conducting an experiment on a blind-folded and naked man. The video started by dripping candle wax onto the thing and stimulating it with a vibrator, and ultimately ended by causing him severe body damage.

The second video started with a scene of a huge object being inserted into a very thin little person as soon as it turned on. It would’ve been fine if it had stopped there, but later, the other party had become so tortured that he was unable to open his eyes and blood finally appeared.

The third video was of gang rape. The fourth was on gang bangs. The fifth one was so extremely violent that he didn’t have words for it.

The characters in the video were screaming in agony (although it was obvious that they were acting).

‘So that’s how it was.’

It was more than obvious what Sangwoo, who had faith in manuals, thought after watching the material in the five videos. Considering his personality, he must have downloaded the TOP 5 videos, and they must have been on a site that only did hardcore.

Jaeyoung sat still for five minutes. Sangwoo insisted on telling him he had something to say, that he had to prepare, and that he really couldn’t go through with it, even though it looked like he wanted things to make sense now. His thoughts had been sorted out when he found out about the whole truth of why he was refused.

Each person had their own pace. If you try to sail too fast, the ship could capsize. He thought that he sort of knew what to do now, and that it wasn’t all too late.

Jaeyoung deleted all the videos and got up from his seat. He approached the bed and the sleeping Sangwoo. He thought that he was sleeping in spite of being uncomfortable, so he loosened the meticulously wound blanket around his body and laid it out on the bed. After covering him with the blanket, he squatted in front of him and looked down at his face.

When he was awake, he was brusque or fiercely defiant, but his sleeping face couldn’t be any more peaceful than this.

“Hey, psycho.”

He didn’t get a response.

“I enjoyed your wasting time shoveling nonsense today,” Jaeyoung continued regardless.

“I gave up thinking about giving up, just know that.”

It was strange that something so insane only looked pretty to him.

“What we did today…”

Jaeyoung’s hand caressed Sangwoo’s cheek. His thumb slipped over the cheekbone.

“We’re gonna do it later, so remember the feeling well.”

Jaeyoung was going to be cool and leave like that, but he couldn’t stand it and kissed his forehead. Even after that, he wasn’t able to let go of his lingering feelings, and he whispered in Sangwoo’s ear before he got up.

“Dream about me today, no matter what.”

T/N: Some of you may notice that this chapter is twice as long as usual and that’s because we’ve decided to increase the chapter length. We’ve received your feedback on how you rather have longer chapters and a slower release schedule, so the chapters will be 2x longer than before, but we will only release once a week.