Chapter 6.12

Meanwhile, an amazing change happened to Sangwoo. The anger that he didn’t know what to do about vanished, and his emotions stabilized. The letters began to reappear on the page that was previously unreadable. Sangwoo felt ridiculous as he started studying again.

‘I’m in trouble.’

He guessed that Jaeyoung being by his side had become a default now. It was clear that his mind had a new preset, because its former ‘normal’ state  was so deeply eroded by the error. People assume the area around Chernobyl, where the nuclear accident in 1986 occurred, is the land of death. In fact, however, wild hawfinches with abnormally high antioxidant levels are thriving there.7 Just like animals that have adapted to radiation, Sangwoo had adapted to the disaster that was Jang Jaeyoung.

Jaeyoung was being quiet. There was sometimes the sound of pen scratching on paper, but it wasn’t as annoying as before. Sangwoo felt pleasure for the first time in a while, from teaching himself what he had missed in class. It was the first time he was able to concentrate so well on his studies since Jaeyoung had entered his life.

How much time passed? Sangwoo felt proud while briefly putting down the sharpener. Only then did he become aware of the profile next to him. Jaeyoung was drawing another picture with Sangwoo as his model.

“Your hat is crooked,” Jaeyoung whispered as they made eye contact while smiling.

He pressed down on the top of Sangwoo’s head to adjust his cap. This time, he couldn’t justify getting angry since he had been forewarned. Sangwoo sat still while pretending that nothing was wrong. The problem was that the hand didn’t leave the top of his head. Far from it, the pressure was increasing.

“Sangwoo, I have something to tell you…”

The sole voice sounded particularly loud in the very quiet library. The weight of the pressure on top of his head felt much heavier than it actually was. He had to tell him to remove his hand, but his mouth wouldn’t budge. Time seemed to have stopped. The air became heavy and his senses more alert. Sangwoo’s eyes scanned every part of Jaeyoung’s face. He thought that he would even be able to see his pores if he decided to look for them.

Artificial light was dispersed on the surface of the brown irises. If there were actually physical depth in his eyes, how far would it reach? Sangwoo came up with a ridiculous question even though he knew the exact structure of the eyeball. When Jaeyoung’s eyes slowly blinked, the shadow cast on his eyelashes shortened and then extended again. Grass from the lawn was stuck on his bangs.

‘Did he lie down in the same position again today?’

Sangwoo thoughtlessly reached out and plucked off the grass. Jaeyoung flinched. His mouth slightly opened, and his alluringly pink tongue slightly appeared, claiming Sangwoo’s attention. His tongue began from the right corner of his mouth as he slowly licked towards the left part of his upper lip. The incredibly sensual moment felt very long. Sangwoo was personally experiencing the special theory of relativity.

Error, error, error.

Anomaly, anomaly, anomaly.

His blood flow circulated rapidly. His heart passionately proclaimed its existence.

Thump, thump, thump, thump.

He felt nauseated, like he had gotten motion sickness, and goosebumps stuck out of his skin. His body was signaling an emergency. Sangwoo simultaneously felt perplexed and frustrated by the sense of something not being suited for the situation.

‘Do, Donghae Waters and…. Baek… Doosan… dry, are dried, dries up… is dried up…’8

Jaeyoung got up by pressing down on Sangwoo’s head. The lips that entranced Sangwoo enlarged in his field of view. Jaeyoung’s lips gradually approached him and disappeared from his sight. The piercings in his ears and the hair that slightly stuck out at the back flashed across his field of vision before it disappeared. The smell of cigarettes stimulated his olfactory sense.

“Go to the movies with me.”

Hot air hit his ear and the whisper relayed the message in the form of soundwaves to his brain. Those waves led to vibrations being converted into electrical signals leading to the accurate deciphering of human communication symbols.9 Heat rose to his face from his neck. His efforts to calm down had no effect. Constricted areas controlled by autonomous nerves worked beyond the control of reason.

Sangwoo got up from his seat and ran towards the door. The chair seemed to have collapsed, but he wasn’t sure.

He burst through the men’s restroom door and panted in front of the mirror. His face looked as contorted with extreme exertion as someone who had just run a marathon or something. He bent down, turned on the cold water tap, and splashed it on his cheeks. He washed his face several times in order to soothe the heat he was feeling.

‘I must be crazy.’

Sangwoo was well aware of when and for what purpose the male penis stiffened. He could not recall being sexually stimulated, but his lower abdomen stiffening and his genitalia becoming hard were absurd malfunctions.

When Sangwoo frantically washed his face and looked up, the bathroom door opened. He made eye contact with Jaeyoung through the mirror, water dripping from his chin.

“What’s up with you?”

Footnotes:

7.  A study has been done where they’ve found that some species in the Chernobyl exclusion zone actually have adapted to the ionizing radiation there. Some bird species, such as the hawfinch, are possibly even benefitting from it. There are a lot of scientific articles on this. Here is one.

8. Sangwoo is reciting the Korean National Anthem in his head. Here’s a link to the lyrics in both Korean and English.

9.  Apparently, Sangwoo is so shocked by this whisper that he can only grasp at the most clinical and logical way to understand the situation at hand. It is possible that this is a way of maintaining a degree of sanity. Click here for more on the physics of sound.