Chapter 40

Raphael could not take his eyes off her brushwork. For hours, Elena concentrated so much that she felt as short as the moment. And the brush strokes that seemed to never stop became quiet.

Elena could not take her eyes off the painting with her palette and brush down.

Tuk.

And she shed tears. They were tears of longing that were more touching than sadness or pain.

‘Ian, it’s Mom.’

The portrait painted on the canvas was Ian, the only son born to her and Sian. When she faced the dead inside her canvas, the feelings she had kept repressed came up.

‘Mom is sorry. I’m sorry I tried to forget you.’

Elena, who returned, buried Ian, who was never born, in her heart. She tried not to rationalize and remember him, saying he was better on the other side. There are no parents in the world who forget their children.

Yeah, Elena forced herself to turn a blind eye. The mere thought of Ian hurt so much that she couldn’t stand it. Whenever she thought of Ian, she thought of her husband, Sian, who hurt her, and she felt like she was going to collapse.

But not anymore. Not forgetting, but remembering. She won’t turn away, she’ll keep it. Although they cannot meet again, she will look at Ian without burying him in her heart. Because she’s his mom.

“M-Miss Lucia.”

When Elena burst into tears, Raphael was embarrassed because he didn’t know how to comfort her.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I got so emotional that I didn’t even realize I was acting ugly.”

Elena, who came from the height of her emotions, faced the picture she drew. Although it could only be seen as a portrait, she could laugh painfully at Ian.

“He’s a brighter kid with a smile, but I’m so bad at drawing.”

“…”

“The composition and coloring are terrible. I drew it because I was so immersed in my feelings. I don’t think I can help. What should I do?”

Elena laughed bitterly. The painting was drawn to help Raphael a little. But she felt sorry for drawing a picture of herself facing and healing herself.

“Oh. It’s too messy to see it again. I can’t do this anymore because I’m shy. I want to run away.”

Elena hurriedly took off her apron and robe and left the studio as if she was really running away.

“H-hold on.”

“Next time. I can’t look at your face.”

Raphael chased and tried to catch her, but Elena ran out of the hallway earlier. Raphael returned to the studio as if he had no choice but to face Ian’s portrait, which Elena had painted.

“…”

To evaluate Elena’s portrait in a sober manner, it was like an apprentice in a drawing room. She has a basic sense and skill, but she can’t use advanced techniques, so the expression of the painting has fallen off. Nevertheless, Raphael could not take his eyes off the painting.

“I think I know a little bit.”

He watched Elena’s painting process from start to finish. He couldn’t forget the tears she shed. The process was a work that contained a part of the soul that a human had lived with.

“What’s the real picture? What do I lack?”

Raphael could not leave the front of the portrait for a long time. This painting, which Elena left behind, was a masterpiece and a guidebook for Raphael.

***

Elena couldn’t find the studio for some time. It was embarrassing to think that she had done a poor job when she always talked about the painting. Her face was still burning, considering that she was crying and unable to control her emotions.

“… But I was happy. I can see you again.”

It may have been a messy painting, but it contains all of Ian, whom Elena remembers. The happiness of waiting in the stomach for 10 months. The unfamiliar joy that she felt when she cried in the product after giving birth. There was no day after Ian was born that was not brilliantly beautiful to Elena.

She failed to protect Ian. The depth of the despairing remorse was beyond measure. That’s why she asked. No, she turned a blind eye. It was rationalization for my life.

“Ian, even if the world forgets everything, your mom will remember you.”

That’s enough. Ian will live in Elena’s memory forever.

“I’m starting to need help from the outside.”

Returning to reality, Elena reversed what had been done so far. May succeeded in imprinting L’s name on the masters of the time. It would not be long before they would feel indebted to her if she continued to provide regular help. And to do so, she needed someone who was professionally able to control and manage them outside of May.

“Well, he’s the most useful…”

Before leaving the Duchy, Elena had considered someone. As he was attending an academic institution by chance, it was appropriate to recruit him.

Elena decided to dress up as Lucia and move. There was a danger called Ren, but she decided that it was better than approaching as Princess Veronica openly. It was also important to win the heart and make them believe and follow, but sometimes partners who share profits through transactions are more reliable. The latter was the helper she was going to meet now.

Elena, who stopped by the recording room and dressed up, left the library, looking around as if she was tapping on the stone bridge.

“It was the humanities department, wasn’t it?”

Elena had only seen him once in her past life. It was when she visited the Vatican, the headquarters of the Gaia Church, to pray for Ian’s childbirth. There, she was coordinating the budget for the construction of a cathedral commissioned by the Pope on behalf of the architect Randol, the birthplace of the times.

Elena didn’t understand him at the time. It was strange that Randol would not visit in person, set the Pope and budget, and receive the compensation for the request, but send an agent to proceed with the work. She was so curious that she went and asked him, and he answered like this.

“I’m a broker. Artists can’t do art if they are blinded by money. It’s my job to replace them and help them focus on their work.”

It was a fresh shock. Previously, it was a common form of art to divide the price of selling works on the condition that they were sponsored by the nobility. In the middle, art dealers were buying artworks and selling them to collectors, nobles, or royalty. He called himself a broker.

The art broker Khalif.

Looking back now, it was clear that what he did was a job ahead of the times.

“That’s the future. Now he’s two-faced, trying to seduce a woman with a good family.”

The academy, where humanities departments were concentrated, had an overwhelming proportion of female students. This is inevitable because there are a number of departments in education or management that are favored by common people or young people from lower-class aristocrats, who are the only graduates of the academy.

Among them, there was a liberal arts department for the spirituality of the dull and vain high-ranking aristocrats. Literally, it was a department that existed to give a diploma, which was far from studying.

Elena expected Khalif to hang out somewhere here. Khalif, from a fallen family, entered the school with the remaining assets of the family at the academy’s expense. In such cases, most of them seek a way to live after graduation based on learning, but Khalif was on the other side. It was about marriage. He considered it a once-in-a-lifetime success to seduce a woman from a family that had no enemies and to sit down as a son-in-law.

In the end, the Khalif did what he wanted. He married a young girl after graduation, who had been ostracized even in the academic institute for her poor appearance.

“That’s it. In a short time, the land went bankrupt.”

Two years later, with a severe drought, Khalif’s wife’s family collapsed beyond maintenance. His dream ended. Khalif set foot in the art world to live. As an eloquent speaker, he was fascinated by the artists and gradually gained fame by his skill in representing their interests.

Elena noticed Khalif because he was a man of ability but trust.

“… He never abandoned his wife and loved her, even though he had great wealth.”

Khalif did not abandon his fallen wife until the end of his appearance and his family. It may be said that it was natural or that it was great, but it was not easy considering the countless beautiful young ladies who were flirting to seduce the married man, Khalif, and the social aspect of the Empire.

He only cared for and loved his wife. Such a scene touched many hearts, and it was even heard that he was a romanticist.

Elena appreciated the purity that Khalif showed to his wife. There were so many aristocrats and men who didn’t keep the obvious. Just as Elena saw and judged, he was a man with the most credibility to be with her as a business partner.

“I thought the lion would come when I said it… but I never thought I’d run into him.”

She saw a man who was ripe for the day lying on the lawn of the North Hall of the Academy where the Faculty of Humanities departments was concentrated, and flirting with a woman. The half-faced Khalif in her memory would smile slyly at the women with a smooth face that young ladies would like.

“Do you know why flowers are beautiful?”

The girl couldn’t take her eyes off Khalif.

“Why?”

“Because there are flowers like you. I won’t blame you for being blind today.”

“Am I that pretty?”

The girl twisted her body with a red face like a red beet. She tried to be confirmed again as if she was ashamed but didn’t hate that remark.

“Shhh.”

Khalif raised his index finger to block the girl’s lips.

“If I eat your ears, will you be responsible?”

“I’m just… Ah! I shouldn’t have said that.”

“…”

Elena was speechless due to a comedy she wouldn’t waste her money on. It was the same as Khalif who used cringing speech, or the female student who really liked hearing that, or a ridiculous thing. She didn’t understand, but Elena wanted to respect them. Lovers’ love wasn’t always acceptable from the perspective of others.

The girl lying on the lawn whispering and playing showed a regretful expression.

“I have to go to the lecture now.”

“Stop.”

Khalif cut her off firmly.

“Let’s not say goodbye or anything like that. Let’s meet tomorrow as if we were always together.”

“Senior how can you… hold my heart like this and let it go?”

Elena held her breath and persevered. It was so cringe that she couldn’t stand it anymore, but it seemed like it would be over soon. Sure enough, the girl looked around again and again and left while leaving the grass.