Chapter 15 - How Can I Have A Place In Your Heart

'So this was about them… this was a journal, her journal,' his green eyes blinked as he stared at those words he had just read aloud.

"You must still love your wife," he said quietly as he closed the book, feeling dirty for reading the heart of the king's first wife.

"I do," there were no hesitation to the admittance which broke Ying Yue's heart even more.

'Why does it hurt?' He could feel the tickling of his nose, 'Why do I care? Why can't he love me?'

His entire body froze as his mind went over those last words: 'Why can't he love me?'

'Why can't he love me?'

'Why can't he love me?'

'Why can't he love me?'

'I love him.'

'I love him.'

'I love him.'

Ying Yue felt fingers under his chin, and he turned to the man that somehow stolen his heart. A heart that never loved anyone this way but his dream man; a person that avoided touches; a soul that was destined for loneliness. He felt a cloth pressed against his cheeks, dabbing away his fallen tears.

"I have been making you cry," Wang Li sighed dejectedly, "Am I so terrible?"

The blonde held the hand with the handkerchief for a moment before moving forward to press his lips against the handsome man's. Pulling back just as quickly, his green eyes widened and he ran. Out of the library, down the courtyard, pass his room, to the girls' room. He didn't even knock as he slid it open, shut it behind him, and moved to a bed to hide under the covers.

'Broken. I am so broken,' he cried pressing his wrists against his eyes to feel cloth against his skin. Looking at his hand, he realized he had grabbed the red handkerchief with the golden plum blossom embroidered at the corner.

==

The sun was starting to fall behind the mountains when the females entered their room. A figure had occupied Hein's bed, curled up under the silken sheet like a ball. Looking to her sister, Chu let out a loud sigh crossing her arms.

"Madam Yue," the blue haired female walked over to pull the sheet down, "Why are you hiding?"

Her purple eyes took in the state of her king's wife and she frowned. Disheveled blonde hair, puffy green eyes, and the small hiccups coming from those lips made her eyes widened. Was Ying Yue crying… again? Her king had done nothing wrong to him, so why was the blonde always crying? Did he not want to stay?

"Madam Yue," Hein came over, her words so empathetic, "Let me wipe your face for you."

The brunette reached for the red cloth, but the blonde only pulled it closer to his chest. Green eyes glazed over and watery, they stared at the wall before him. Her purple eyes looked over to familiar purple ones. Both let out a sigh and waited in the quiet.

'Should we tell him?' Chu looked at her sister.

'No. Our king said he would leave,' Hein blinked back.

'But this is just hurting them,' the blue haired female frowned glancing at the figure.

The brunette moved to sit at the edge of the bed and placed a gentle hand on Ying Yue's shoulder.

"Lunch would be ready soon," she said warmly, "May we dress you, Madam?"

She watched those green eyes closed for a moment before the man sat up and nodded. She looked over to Chu and her sister nodded, preparing the outfit that he would wear. Hein didn't know why Ying Yue was so troubled. Were they not destined? Did he found out about what happened from before? Was he now avoiding her king because of it? Her purple eyes watched those green eyes now distant and cold.

'What is it that you are thinking Ying Yue?' She questioned as her sister and her finished dressing him, 'Is my king not worthy of you any longer?'

Makeup enhancing his beauty, hair pinned in place, Ying Yue followed the ladies out into the open air. He couldn't avoid Wang Li because this was his territory, this was his home. He, Ying Yue, had no home. A suffocating feeling grew in his stomach and he tried to calm his breathing. The Ghost King was still in love with his first wife. How many wives did he have in which he never loved? What number was he in the long list of past lovers?

Those words that he read… he couldn't get it out of his mind like a mantra on repeat, beating into his brain like an incessant drumming.

'To write an entire book,' he clenched his fists, 'She must really love him too.'

"My king," the girls bowed and he glanced over to see the Ghost King sitting still with his eyes on his tea.

Ying Yue walked cautiously to his side and sat down quietly. If the blonde wasn't busy staring at the table, he would see the thinning of Wang Li's lips. If those green eyes would stop counting the lining of the wood, they would see the fisted hands at the Ghost King's side.

"My king," Yun greeted, "Madam."

She sat down and glanced at the two men.

'A fight?' Her purple eyes turned to her sisters and they shrugged unsure what to say.

Letting out a soft sigh, she drank from her cup and closed her eyes. She had watched the Ghost King since he was young and knew the man was still just a boy. Still yearning for his lover, still wishing to reunite, still hoping he'd stay.

'I pray for you both,' she thought softly remembering happy smiles on both youthful faces, 'Happiness does not become a curse once more.'

Shen brought the tray of prepared meals and joined them at the table.

"My king," the white-haired boy spoke up, "I am running out of food. I ask to go into town."

Those silver eyes zoned in on him and he stared right back. His king, the man he treasured most in his heart, he would never fear. Many years ago, he was taken in by the raven-haired beauty, saved from the harshness of winter. He would not have survived in the cold. He was thin, weak, and tired. But his king, like a beacon of light, guardian of his soul, had touched him and he was living once more.

Many feared Wang Li, but Shen only felt adoration toward him.

"No," his king stated and he nodded his head. What he said was rule and Shen would always listen.

"My king," Chu started then paused seeing those sharp silver eyes on her.

"Will we not run out of meals?" Hien finished for her sister.

"I said no," the Ghost King's voice was cold, like dry ice against your skin.

"Why are you being rude?" Ying Yue spoke up frowning at the dark-haired male.

Startled, Wang Li turned to his wife, before they narrowed.

"Why does it matter to you?"

"Because they've always been nice to you," the blonde stated upset, "They cook, clean, bathe you, take care of everything!" His hands flailed as he spoke, "If you… if you can't be nice to them, then you will never be nice to me. Then I don't want to be here!"

Ying Yue didn't realize he was standing until he was finished with his outburst. Blinking in what he just said, he searched the Ghost King's face. He wasn't sure what he was searching for, but he didn't want it to be hurt on that beautiful face. Heart dropping, he looked away tired of crying all the time.

"Do you wish to leave?" Wang Li asked in such a small voice, that he closed his eyes.

'No, of course I don't,' he found himself thinking and he turned away from them.

"How can I not want to," he whispered, "When you are still in love with your first wife?"

'How can I have a place in your heart?' He wanted to ask, 'Why can't you move on and have me instead? I cannot be the other woman.'

'You aren't a woman,' his inner self stated and he felt his face fall, 'Yeah… still haven't told him.'