Chapter 354 - No!

Lin Jing's expression was bad when he returned home with Su Wan though he tried to act as normal as he could, he even sent Su Wan to her room ignoring the inquisitive gaze Shen Junxi was directing in his way before he rushed to look for Lin Yan. His clothes were drenched, and so was his hair and he would shiver once in a while by the normal circumstances he should have gone to change his clothes but instead, he barged inside Lin Yan's room.

"Elder brother?  what's wrong? Oh dear - you are soaked! What are you doing? Here take this and wipe your hair, I will bring some clothes for you but first drink this, it's hot ginger and sugar water it will warm you up in no time" Lin Yan was indeed very surprised when he saw that elder brother barged inside his room so suddenly but instead of asking him what was wrong, he fussed around. Too worried about his elder brother catching a cold " really, elder brother no matter how strong you are, you should at least take better care of yourself. What if you catch a cold? It will take no time for the fever to start burning you and your injuries are still healing, how can you be irresponsible? What if your wounds start festering -"

Lin Jing saw his brother fussing over him, and his heart ached even more. He was the elder brother but he couldn't even protect his younger brother but not this time - this time, they will be prepared. He wouldn't let his brother get hurt, but for them to be prepared, he need to tell Lin Yan about her. He didn't want to, the relaxed smile on his brother's face was too beautiful to smoke up but he knew he had no choice. So he, took a deep breath before he dropped the bomb " She is back - Luo Xin, she came back"

As Lin Jing expected, Lin Yan's smile completely vanished as if it wasn't even there and - Bang! The teapot that Lin Yan was holding on to fell on the ground with a loud crash spilling its content all over the floor.  The ginger water was still hot but Lin Yan whose clothes were drenched with it, looked like he couldn't even feel it. His face had gone whiter than a ghost and he was trembling, lips to toes. 

Lin Jing had to physically locomote him to away from the hot water puddle before Lin Yan dangerously burned himself. He squeezed the hot ginger water from Lin Yan's clothes and did the same with the hem as he crouched down. He could see his brother's struggle as he tried to calm himself down. Lin Jing could feel his heart wrench and then plunge in the bottom of his stomach, eight years or so have gone by after that happened but his brother was still the same. Still locked up in his own prison of fear, shame and humiliation - his brother shouldn't be the one suffering from these emotions, Luo Xin should be the one - she should be the one who should feel guilty for ruining his brother, she wasn't. She was still free and his brother was the one who was trapped in his own nightmares.

" she won't hurt you, I won't let you," said Lin Jing as he placed his hand on top of Lin Yan's hand " I - big brother will protect you but Ah Yan, I think you should tell Wan Wan about this and by telling her I mean everything that the woman did to you so that she won't make light of Luo Xin like Luo Chenxi"

For most of his elder brother speech, Lin Yan remained mum but when he heard his brother asking him to tell everything that happened to him, to Su Wan he jumped up and shrieked " NO! You are not allowed to tell her! You will not! You can't do that! Anything but that -"

" calm down, Yan - I'm just trying to protect the two of you it's the best for both of you-"

But Lin Yan didn't listen to a thing Lin Jing said, he had been off women for most of his life.  He was good looking,  and if he wanted he could have had his own fair share of women but he didn't, he couldn't.  Finally, he was able to find a woman whom he liked without worrying about his disgust for other women, even though he was being tracked down by his stalker tormentor. 

Luo Xin was the reason that he couldn't get close to women that he couldn't bring himself to chose a decent woman to get married to when he was in his teens.  And he didn't want to talk about her or anything related to her, much less tell Su Wan about how dirty he exactly was - that would be torturous. Maybe by the time he finished telling Su Wan what Luo Xin did to him, she would be so disgusted that she would break away from him. Though he told her an overview of his past but that was simply skimming through the majority of it. 

The worst - even he couldn't himself bear to remember. 

Lin Yan closed his eyes and bit his lips, after what happened with Luo Xin, he was scared of everything and most of all He was afraid of losing Su Wan.

"She won't judge you, she is not like that-"

" how do you know that?" snapped Lin Yan, not able to take it anymore. " how do you know it? Do you even have any idea what that woman had done to me? You don't right? Then how do you know that she won't judge me?"

Lin Jing opened his mouth but Lin Yan held his hand up " I don't - I don't want to talk about this right now, give me some time.  I will think about it and decide what I have to do "

Lin Jing wanted to say something more but he closed his mouth and nodded.  Maybe he should give Lin Yan some time to cool off his mind and understand that his suggestion was indeed right..  Su Wan was not a judgemental woman, she didn't judge when Lin Yan told half of his past and she wouldn't judge him if he unravelled his entire past.