Chapter 383 - [Bonus ] I Don’t Want To See You

" And you allowed her to leave? You -you let her do this, knowing fully well what might happen to her? Let's just forget whether or not something like that is really happening but you really chose me over her? " Lin Yan could feel his mood shifting from just anxious to agitated. Because he couldn't believe that his mother actually chose him, him! Over Su Wan! He couldn't believe that his sweet mother, the mother who has always been kind and sincere to everyone actually did something like this, And he trusted her! He believed in her when she was being questioned, but now that he knew that his mother was actually willing to use Su Wan's life for the sake of his life, his gut couldn't help but twist uncomfortably. 

He felt the same way as he did on the day when he was sold to the Fu household by his grandmother. Horrified and betrayed.

What did you expect? sneered his conscience. Did you expect your mother to just sit back and watch you die? 

Actually yes, he would have liked it if his mother left him alone. He would rather die than hide behind his wife's back, not to mention the immeasurable guilt he was feeling currently. Lin Yan swallowed all the curses that he wanted to hurl and clenched his fists from blowing up. Hard. 

He was worried that if he didn't control his emotions, he might end up saying something irrevocable to his mother. 

" mother, please leave" after calming himself, Lin Yan looked away from his mother. He understood why she did it, why she chose him over Su Wan but that doesn't mean he was willing to accept what she did.  He never cared about his fate but if his fate was so bad that death was hovering over his head like a grim reaper, he would have chosen to die rather than let his wife shoulder his burden. It was shameful, embarrassing and humiliating, at the same time.

He was Su Wan's husband, as her husband it was his responsibility to take care of her, and protect her when she was in trouble but how was he supposed to protect her when the danger she was in was because of him? Why? Why did his mother have to make the decision? She had no right to make decisions regarding Su Wan's life and death, who was she! 

" Ah, Yan! Watch what you say, I know you are upset with your mother but this is just plain disrespect! I understand that she is in the wrong but she was just worried, she is your mother -" Father Lin couldn't see his wife cry nor could he see his son hurt. But he didn't know what to do, he couldn't scold his wife because she was in the right and he couldn't even scold Lin Yan because he was right too! Su Wan was his wife and Lan'er had no say in this matter either.

" what if grandmother did this to you? Would you forgive her dad?" asked Lin Yan, he was annoyed really annoyed that they couldn't see what he was seeing, couldn't feel what he was feeling. He would rather die than to make Su Wan suffer, she has been nothing but supportive of him. She accepted him when no one could, she cared for him better than his mother did, so he would never ever want her to suffer because of him. If possible, he would have rather spent his remaining days with her full of laughter than to let her shoulder the burden which was supposed to be his! 

Now, look what his mother did! Because of her selfishness, Su Wan became like this because of her! And Su Wan was weak, to begin with, wasn't she - so how can she share his heavy Yin energy ? Wasn't it similar to asking her to kill herself? 

" Ah, Yan listen to me -"

" no mother, leave! You have to leave!" snapped Lin Yan clutching the golden string in his hand, he hated it. He hated everything, why was he so weak that he couldn't protect his wife! If only he was like his brother, if only he was born with good fortune then his Su Wan wouldn't have to suffer like this " I don't want to see you right now, so leave. Leave me and Wan Wan alone for now.  I just want to be alone with her so please"

" ah, Yan -"

" Leave before I say something that neither you nor I can take back! I don't want to but I will if you don't leave mother, I don't want you here not right now. So leave before I say something that both of us will regret" Lin Yan knew he was being disrespectful but right now he couldn't care. It was scary enough to lose Su Wan but it was even scarier to think that he has snatched Su Wan away from his brothers. If her body couldn't withstand the pressure then - what would happen? How will he face his brothers?

Mother Lin understood that she wouldn't be able to justify herself in front of Lin Yan in his current state. So she nodded and stiffly stood up from her chair, she will explain herself to Lin Yan later on and even if she couldn't, Lin Yan would one day understand her feelings when he becomes a father himself.

" ah Yan-" Lin Jing tried to calm his second brother down, he knew that his mother was in the wrong. And he wouldn't stand up for her right now, but controlling Lin Yan's temper was important. His brother was a flight risk, the last time he saw his brother snap like this, he tried to kill himself " it's fine -"

" it's not fine! It will never be fine !" shouted Lin Yan as he threw that cursed string at Lin Chen " I don't need you all to worry about me! So what am I weak! So what if I was destined to die? I would rather die with my head held high rather than bury my wife together with me in my mess. I don't want her to protect me, I will deal with my destiny by myself! I will never wear that string never !"

" that's not how things work Ah Yan" standing on the threshold, mother Lin looked over her shoulder " Wan Wan has already tied that string on her wrist, even if you don't want to wear it, the fate has already been set in motion. If you don't wear it, who knows Wan Wan has to suffer the full brunt of your Yin destiny "