Chapter 393 - Say See You Soon

"I shouldn't be guilty, but I am. I thought that I would be fine. But I am not," Mother Lin looked at her with a face full of sorrow. "I couldn't - I didn't think about what would have happened, and that's why I am a fool. I rushed ahead like an idiot, and I think it's about time I repent."

"Mother, you don't have to."

Mother Lin shook her head and took Su Wan's hand in hers. "I was wrong. I thought that I loved my son more, and I was right to do what I did, but when I saw you hurt, suffering from fever because of the backlash you suffered. I was hurt. I felt like my heart was breaking in two. I didn't want you to suffer. I can't take back what I did, so I will leave for a while."

Su Wan's eyes widened, and she grasped Mother Lin's hands. She was angry, yes but, "I never said I want you to leave, I -"

"I know you are kind like that," sighed Mother Lin, "but my sons, they are quite stubborn. I don't know how long it will take to forget their anger. But that's not why I want to leave. I want to go away for a while for my own peace of mind."

"Peace of mind?" 

"Yes," said Mother Lin with a nod. "It's hard, you know, trying to escape the guilt when you know you were wrong in some way or other. I promised to treat you well, yet I broke my promise. I can't be at ease with myself, and staying here will only make things worse for me. So I think I would like to go to a temple and pray for my sins."

Su Wan's heart felt bitter as she looked at Mother Lin's small frame. "You have just gotten over your sickness. I don't think it's right to travel right now. I wouldn't have changed my actions even if you had told me. I do blame you, but I don't hate you, mother. I just feel a little hurt, nothing more I will jump back to my original self in a jiffy. You don't have to do this... I don't regret choosing this."

"It's not for you. It's for me. It's I who can't stay here while feeling guilty," said Mother Lin slowly, as she caressed Su Wan's cheeks. "I can't live while feeling guilty, even if you don't blame me or my sons forgive me. I need to forgive myself, and I won't be able to forgive myself without repentance."

Su Wan stared at Mother Lin, feeling confused. She couldn't understand. She was just an outsider; Mother Lin didn't have to feel guilty because of her. She shouldn't feel hurt after watching her get hurt. "Mother -"

"What's that look? Stupid girl." Chuckled Mother Lin with watery laughter. "I am not leaving forever. I will be back after praying for six months. It's not too long of time, you know... It will pass."

Su Wan inhaled a deep breath, and her eyes flickered as she thought about something. She knew that even if she tried to stop mother Lin, mother Lin's mind was set. She wouldn't listen to whatever she told her now. "When will you be leaving, mother? And where are you going? Can you tell me this at least?"

"Your father and I are leaving for Gu Shuo temple in the capital," answered Mother Lin calmly. "Sister Zhu told me about it. She said that the temple has a long history of bringing luck to one's family. The surrounding of that temple is calm and serene, setting one's mind at ease. I think I will stay there for six months before returning, as for when will I be leaving... Your father and I will leave tomorrow morning at dawn."

Su Wan looked up, stunned. "Isn't it too sudden?" 

"I don't want to disturb my sons, neither do I want them to think that I forcefully took their forgiveness. I will gain your forgiveness Wan Wan, and theirs too," said Mother Lin looking out of the window. "If Ah Yan's luck affects you adversely, then the least I can do is to pray for your luck to shine brighter than his. So, Wan Wan, I will say goodbye to you. For now, please relay to my sons that I am leaving because I am too cowardly to face them and see the hatred in their eyes for me." 

-

"Is this all?" asked Father Lin as he loaded another bag of clothes on the cart. He and his wife didn't pack much. After all, they were going there to pray, not to play. 

Mother Lin nodded, already feeling a chill rise in her chest because of the cold weather. Though it was getting warmer, the winter had yet to leave. "That's all. Let's get going before our kids wake up -"

Her voice drowned when someone placed warm earmuffs on her ears, surprised Mother Lin looked back. Her sons and Su Wan stood there with her aunt and uncle.

"Why? Why are you all here?" asked Mother Lin, her gaze drifting to Su Wan, who smiled and securely placed the earmuffs. 

"You know, mother, no one should ever say goodbye with tears in their eyes and a reluctant smile. If you are leaving, then go with a smile, and instead of goodbye, say see you soon. Make a promise to return, not a farewell." 

"Here, father," said Lin Jing as he handed another bag to Father Lin. With the rustling, it was pretty clear that he brought some dried meat for them to eat on the journey. Then he turned to his mother and hugged her. "Be safe, mother."

"You should have told me you were leaving, mother. That way, I didn't have to run around all night looking for this and could have prepared it earlier." Once Lin Jing pulled away, Lin Chen stepped forward and handed her a bottle of scented oil that soothed her anxious nerves. "You can't go on without this, how careless of you - what if you get sick, hmm? You need to take proper care of yourself, mother."

"I f... finished it in ah... hurry, so it's not that good," said Lin Yu, stepping forward and tying the strings of the fox fur cloak around his mother's neck. "You just wore t..this much? What if you c...catch a cold?" Then he took out two talismans and placed them in his mother's hand. "Here, this was sent by f...forth brother, he couldn't be h..here, so he sent so..someone with this."

"Ah, Yu -"

Then Lin Yan, standing behind, walked forward and thrust a basket of flaky pastries in his mother's hand before chiding her slightly. "Stupid mother, do you think I hate you? I was just angry, I won't stop you from doing what you want, but you have to come back soon."

Madam Zhu, standing next to her husband, smiled as she strode forward and handed Mother Lin a token. "This is something that we got after we delivered the freshest meat to an official. They promised us their help whenever we needed it. If you ever think someone is finding trouble with you, just show this to them. No one will trouble you then."

"You all," mother Lin didn't know what to say. Shouldn't they all be blaming her? So why? 

Su Wan took mother Lin in her arms and softly spoke, "See you soon, mother, we will wait for your return."

That day, Mother Lin cried.. But called out the warmest see you as she waved her hands while the cart drove away.