Chapter 83: My heart’s a mess

•Azalea

I sat in the library staring out the window wondering where Arius might have went, he had bandaged his arms and changed his shirt before heading out to somewhere. I'm glad it was just a cut though.

He seemed to know who that assailant was and seeing how he ran away like that. He probably didn't know Arius was there. I mean no one would run away seeing me.

He lied to me.

To keep me calm? To make me not worry? What is he hiding? He even got hurt, to protect me?

I heard someone approach me and I looked the other way to see Ayaan. His small frame was holding a notepad in his hands. It's hard to believe he's thirteen.

I smiled at him and patted the cushion beside me, telling him to come and sit with me.

He walked over and took his seat next to me. He looked out of the window too. There isn't much of a view to see but trees and the sky yet still it is somehow calming.

"Ayaan?" I whispered as looked at him but he didn't respond. Oh right. "Ayaan!" I spoke a little louder and he turned his face to me. He can't hear properly so you have to call him loudly or be near him. "Ayaan, would you answer some questions regarding Arius?" He nodded as he kept his eyes on my face. He reads the lips too, incase he couldn't hear a word.

I pointed at the line around his neck. The scar had faded a bit, perhaps because it was old now, "What happened there? You could speak before right?"

He nodded and opened his notepad to write something on it. Must be hard doing this. I wonder what happened?

He turned his pad to show me.

'Arius had much of my voice box removed, it affected my hearing as well since the throat and ears are connected."

He had them removed?

If it was me a year ago I would have thought he did this just because he was a bad person but there must be a reason.

"Why? There was a reason right?" He didn't answer, just frowned. "Come on Ayaan. Was there a problem with your voice before?" He shook his head, "There wasn't?" He shook his head again. How can that be? "Then why did Arius had your voice box removed?"

He pursed his lips and wrote down something.

"He said he wanted to experiment something."

"And you let him?" He looked away. He was hiding something. "Ayaan." I went closer to him and tapped his cheek, "You don't trust me?"

'It's not that'

"Then?"

'I just don't want to talk about the reason.'

I wonder if it's something that hurts him. Then I shouldn't ask anymore.

I sighed and I looked at him. He seemed a little down.

"Did Arius tell you about Maria?" He nodded and looked even more hurt. I shouldn't ask anymore. "I thought only you and Maria could speak in signs." He looked at me with his big almond shaped eyes, "But Arius knows how as well huh?" I grinned, "I saw you both in the garden."

He held his pen on the pad but he was hesitating to write. For awhile he wasn't sure if he should tell me or not then took a deep breath and moved his pen.

'Arius was the one who taught us.'

"What? Arius did?" He nodded and wrote something more.

'He doesn't want anyone to know so keep it a secret."

"But why does he know sign language?" Ayaan shrugged then smiled at me. I smiled back.

Ofcourse, he wouldn't tell that to anyone.

There is just so much about him. Hidden away. Every little thing I learn is making me want to know more.

Ayaan tapped my hand

'Nora told me you sing.'

I smiled, "You want to hear a song?"

He nodded pretty vigorously.

***

Ayaan had fallen asleep in my lap but I continued to sing anyway. My eyes landed on the figure leaning on the bookshelf.

Arius was standing there with a complex expression.

Perhaps he was worried about something? I couldn't tell. So, I smiled at him in between the lullaby.

His expression softened and he gave me a smile back.

My heartbeat suddenly sped up and I looked down still singing but my voice had lowered.

Why am I looking down?

I raised my head back up but Arius wasn't there, he left.

Somehow I was disappointed.

He didn't even say anything to me…

***

Nora was busy with some training with Caesar so I just came back to my room with nothing else to do. Now that we're separated and I have no training I really have a lot of spare time.

As I lay straight in my bed, I wondered if I should go and ask Arius about the stuff I'm curious about, but at the same time I don't think he's going to give me an answer.

I turned to the side.

He taught them sign language? Just why would he know that?

The curiosity is killing me.

I turned to the other side.

I wonder where he went today though. Who did he meet with? He should answer me this right? I mean clearly the other party wanted to shoot me.

Although Arius lied and said that wasn't it.

I sighed.

Let's just sleep.

It's late anyway.

I stood up and walked to the light switches next to the door to turn the lights off when I heard some commotion outside.

I froze.

I was familiar with these sounds. Someone was making out in the hallway.

I turned my room lights off and opened the door quietly to see outside. The hallway lights were dimmed.

Slowly, I tilted my head out to see the people in the hallway.

A wave of sudden pain erupted in my chest as I saw Arius making out with a woman in the corridor. He had the dark haired lady pinned to the wall.

They were so immersed in the act they didn't care about anything else. They broke the kiss and Arius wrapped his arms around her thighs then picked her up. She giggled as she began unbuttoning his shirt while he took her to his room.

I felt so bad. Like my insides were flipping out.

I walked out, only then I noticed his tie, his coat, her heels, her scarf and his belt were on the floor. I looked up in a daze, I was already in front of his room.

My hands trembled as I heard the moans coming out of the room.

No…

I shook my head as my body shaked.

No.

I was realizing something. My feelings.

No!

I couldn't tell if I was embarrassed, shocked or angry. But one thing was clear in my mind. I didn't want this. Not with him.

I ran away.