Chapter 259 - I Didn't Deserve It

There was nothing but a vast plain of nothingness around me. It felt like my body was floating in the air and it had no existence whatsoever. I could move my limbs yet everything felt numb.

I recalled this sensation from back when I was scouring through Lilith's mind.

Though at that moment, I didn't know who Lilith was or where I felt that sensation of feeling everything yet nothing at the same time. For me, I was soaring through the cloud of my own memories.

I remember the first day when I aced an exam. It was the first time in my life I was genuinely happy about something as silly as that. I used to get happy at the slightest of achievements like it was a big deal.

I was silly back then.

I remember the feeling of excitement as clear as day. There was a strange feeling in my gut which I couldn't content. I couldn't wait to tell mum and dad about my first 100 marks in an exam.

I kept waiting for them with my test paper at an arm's distance. Every passing car would make me peek outside the window to check whether or not it was my parents.

I couldn't keep my excitement to myself so I went ahead to my sister's room and decided to tell her about it. My 8 year old self made his way towards her who appeared to be studying.

She always used to study, no wonder she was great at studies.

"Nee-chan!" I called out to her with much excitement in my voice and a huge grin on my face. She chuckled at me and asked in a curious tone, "Yeah? What is it?"

"Hehe… guess what?" I said, stepping in her room while trying my best to hide the paper behind my back. She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, "Umm… guess? Come here."

"What's with that smile?" She asked while laughing genuinely and I started laughing too. The sound of our chuckle filled the room as I revealed the paper in front of my eyes and said, "You won't believe it, but I scored 100 marks in this test!"

"100? Damn… that's great. Wait…" She squinted her eyes to take a better look at the paper and averted her gazes as I was confused, "Heh?"

I remember her pulling out a chocolate from her drawer and handing it over to me without any hesitation, "Here, take this."

"Chocolate bar?" I took it from her hands but the smile on my face faded away. It felt like she was giving me something at the cost of not having it for herself and I hated that.

"Yes, it's your gift for working hard, Sai." She advanced her hands towards my head and patted my hair while I couldn't help but feel delighted at that moment, "Thank you Nee-chan!

"Just keep this performance up and mum and dad will be pleased too." She said with a slight smile and my excitement burst out too, "I can't wait to tell them!!"

How silly was I?

I expected them to be happy about something as miscellaneous as a third grade class test. I couldn't blame them if they didn't react the way I wanted them to as both of them were quite busy people.

I forced my expectations on others and it wasn't a legible thing to do.

My mum used to come home earlier than my dad. As soon as I heard the doorbell ring, I ran towards the door and opened it to see the figure of my mom standing with a soft smile on her face.

"Welcome home, hehe!!" I greeted her with a huge smile on my face. She narrowed and asked in a curious tone, "You seem rather happy today?"

"Yes!" I replied instantly and she stared at me for a few moments before asking with a slight smile on her face, "Oho, did something happen at school?"

"I'll tell you once you get freshed up." I said, as she patted my head and walked in, "Sure honey."

But little did I know that I would slowly start changing from that day onwards.

Looking at our interaction back then, I wonder how things got so bad that it ended up with me moving out. Just existing under the same roof as them made me feel like I was suffocating.

"So what happened at school, Sai?" She asked me after getting out of the bath. I stared at her and chuckled, "Hehe, how about you guess?"

"Oh honey, I don't have time for your silly games." She said, and I understood that troubling her right after she returned from work wasn't a pleasant thing to do.

"Not fair… it's okay. You're tired so let me just tell you." I said as she said with a bit of curiosity in her tone, "Yes?"

"See… I aced my exam." I showed her the test paper on which the marks were written in huge red colour. She leaned back on the sofa and let out an empty, "Oh."

Just an 'Oh'?

She didn't even ask to see the paper. I wasn't delighted with her reaction so I decided to press her for validation, "I'm among the only two top students in my class who aced the exam, mum."

"Good." She said with a nod and looked me in the eyes while getting off the sofa and walking into the kitchen.

I could tell from her reaction that she didn't really care about it. To her it was meaningless. Her empty words and cold eyes are what pierced my mind at that moment. I'll never forget them.

Feeling sad since my mum's reaction wasn't according to my expectations, I waited for my dad.

I used to feel a lot of things back then.

I remember the feeling of anticipation when I heard the sound of dad pulling up on the driveway. I could finally tell him about my feat and at that moment I couldn't contain my excitement to be honest.

How could I?

I was after all an 8 year old to whom every little thing in life was something worthwhile.