Chapter 39 - Feelings Worth A Crumbled Paper

I was walking over to the area which was between the administrative building and school building. It was an isolated area and was quite infamous for a spot used for confessions. Sipping the choco milk that I brought along the way, I turned around the corner and noticed a girl waiting under the tree.

That must be Chiaki. I slowly approached her. The sound of footsteps reached her ears as she looked at me. Her browns were appearing darker than black as she was standing under the tree's shadow. Her pale cheeks became a light shade of red as I looked at her.

"Yo…You mu..." She took a deep breath and continued, "Hello, I'm Yamamoto Chiaki from class 1-3. I was waiting for you, Senpai." Her voice was soft and had a certain innocence in it.

"Yeah, I'm Sakamaki Saishi as you must know I guess… Umm… I don't need to introduce myself." I said, while looking at her.

"Ye... Yeah. You look different without your spectacles." She said and then instantly realised how it sounded.

"Wait… I didn't mean to… I mean it's not like I stalked you."

"It's alright, chill. Does it look like I'll get pissed off?"

"No, I didn't … wait I mean you have a scary face."

"Huh!?" I said that in a rough tone to intimidate her. I decided to tease her a little.

"I didn't mean it in that way, I'm sorry." She bowed. I could see the movement of her brunette hair as they were moving slightly from her back to her shoulder.

"It's okay, I was kidding." I took a sip from my choco milk. She looked up at me and I could tell that she bowed with all her diligence a few moments ago. It wouldn't be a great idea to tease her if she is serious about this.

"Sen... Senpai, to be honest I thought you wouldn't come." She was staring at the ground and her hands were behind her back.

"I know how hard it is to confess to someone. And you had the courage to do that so don't feel bad about it." I said plainly.

"I… I know it's really sudden for you. But… I just wanted to be over with my feelings for you."

Confession is a hard thing, even though it might be seen as something silly. When you're burning in the fire of one-sided love, you die every day. Trying to urge those words out of your throat feels like an impossible feat to achieve. The fear of rejection is always there. Well, that's what I'm going to do right now, so that fear is actually quite true. But being in a void is something that I would never want to be in.

"I know, that's why I will honestly answer your feelings." I said.

"But let me ask you something first." I added.

"Ehh?" She looked at me with a tense expression, but her eyes were curious.

"What made you like me? I'm a pretty average guy to be honest." I glanced at her as I finished my sentence and noticed her cheeks becoming even more red than before.

"Wait… What… Why are you asking this suddenly!?" She was flustered. I didn't reply to her question since that would just create a diversion in our current flow of conversation.

There was nothing but silence between us, except the sound of leaves rustling as the wind brushed past them. I was sipping my choco milk, waiting for her response.

"If you're going to ask me like that… I … it's difficult to put it into words."

"Is that so?"

"It's just that you look great and you're really nice too. I know you've been kind since you came here and still... you're talking with me, keeping up with my nonsense…"

The part where she said I'm nice is understandable, because I appear to be nice but I'm not a nice person at all. But I still don't understand why girls think I'm good looking. Every girl has this thing in common, where they say that I'm good looking. I have tried to look at my reflection in the mirror but it's always the same face which I don't find to be attractive in any way possible.

"It's alright, Chiaki-san." I chuckled lightly.

"Don't laugh like that Senpai… it's already really embarrassing for me." She pouted.

"So… as for my answer to your confession…" I said it in such a way to check her expectations regarding this ordeal. Based on her expectations, I'm going to improvise my method of answering so that it doesn't destroy her.

"Ye...Yes I'm ready for it… wait… I'm not ready for it…" She was again nervous. She placed her hand over her chest as if to feel her heartbeat. She again took a deep breath and gestured for me to continue.

"I'm sorry, but I reject your confession." I said as plainly as I could.

"That was fast." She stared at me for a few moments.

"Bu… I…" She couldn't muster up the words to form a proper sentence. Her mind was in a conflict at that moment.

"No, it's not your fault, It's just that I'm not interested." I understood what she was trying to say and answered it on my own. Most of the girls I reject often blame themselves for being compatible with me but it's not them who is wrong.

It's me.

I'm defective here. I'm the one with problems here. I don't want my problems to become someone else's.

"Do… you like someone else?" She asked in a shaky voice. I could tell that she was trying her best to cope up with this rejection and play it cool in front of me.

"I don't."

"Then why?"

"As I said, I'm not interested." I shrugged and handed her the love letter that she wrote me. I had no use of that letter anymore.

"I… unde...get it. Thank you Senpai." She smiled but only she knew what she was hiding behind that smile. She ran past me and I noticed a small pearl of tear shining in the sunlight escaping her eye. Her figure disappeared around the corner.

I discarded her feelings like they were a crumpled piece of paper.

I'm so used to rejecting others, it feels like I'm really well at handling these. I took the last few sips from my choco milk and threw the crushed container in a nearby dustbin on my way back to class.

Love can sometimes make you brave too as in this case, Chiaki had enough courage to write a love letter to someone she has only seen, just because of love. As I said, love is an interesting thing.