Chapter 70 - Why Isn't It Me?

Yasurouka's POV

I walked out of the washroom and was heading towards the classroom. It was the last period, which was basically a free period because our teacher was busy with something, so it was a self study period.

As I was walking towards the classroom, I noticed Koi going in the opposite direction in front of me. I kept staring at her as her figure disappeared around the corner of the corridor.

I thought it was weird for her to wander on her own, that too when the last period was already half over. If it was the beginning of the period, then it's understandable that she went to skip it.

Out of curiosity, and a bit of concern because of her drama with Uyeno and her group. Even though Gaisen said that everything was fine and even Koi told me that everything was back to normal. Well, knowing how much of a bitch Uyeno is, I can't believe it.

I was also feeling like telling her about all the stuff that was pent up inside me. I won't blame her if she gets mad at me. I don't want to keep this inside me anymore.

I walked straight, passing my classroom on the way, and turned around the corner. There I saw Koi waving at Gaisen, who was standing next to a window and gazing outside. He turned towards Koi and waved at her with his left arm.

For some reason, I stepped back and hid myself behind the corner. Something was making me reluctant to just go in front of them and join them. I didn't dare to look at them, even though they were just across the wall.

I kept staring blankly at the wall in front of me. What was wrong with me? They are just talking. I remember Koi asking Gaisen to talk with her. Well, I shouldn't interrupt their alone time then. 

I wanted to leave that corner and walk away, but I couldn't. It felt like my feet were way too heavy to move at that time. But at the same time, I was feeling uneasy to turn around and look at them.

Time was passing by, but it was feeling like an eternity. After thinking about it, I finally gathered the courage to look at them. I slowly turned my head and peeked behind the wall.

There, I saw Koi, whose face was red and tears were rolling down her cheeks. She seemed to have a really depressed expression on her face. I glanced at Gaisen and he was standing in front of her with his fists clenched and with a stiff expression on his face.

Koi seemed to be talking about something, but I couldn't hear her because of the distance between us. Her lips were moving, and she was constantly wiping her tears with both of her hands.

Looking at her in this way made me feel surprised because I have never seen her crying this badly. She was a complete mess at that moment. I was so used to looking at the perfect Koi, that this side of her was a complete alien to me.

Is this side something she only shows to him? But why is she crying in the first place?

She slowly looked at his eyes and next thing I noticed was Gaisen's left hand approaching behind her head and pulling her in his chest. Koi confided in a hug as his arms wrapped around her waist and his other hand was on her head.

It was so shocking that it took me some time to process what was happening. I felt like the floor beneath me was falling into a vortex. My heart was beating faster, and I was getting a gut wrenching feeling.

Koi also wrapped her arms tightly around him and kept crying. Seeing them like that, I finally realized what I was feeling. It was the same feeling I felt back when Gaisen chose Koi instead of me. It was the same worthless feeling.

Even though I was good friends with him, he chose my best friend whom he didn't even know properly. Why can't I be in her place right now? Why can't I feel his touch? Why can't I confide into his arms like that? Why can't he caress my hair like that? After all, he used to admire my long hair back then.

The feelings I've been suppressing for so long were finally out of its cage inside my heart. This was the reason I could never see myself above her. I will always be inferior to her in every aspect.

Gaisen would've never chosen an ugly girl like who doesn't even have a good personality. A girl who can't even stop spoiling the feelings her friend gives her only because of her selfishness. 

A girl like me can never be loved. I don't blame either of them. It's all my fault. I was after all an unwanted weed. And weeds are meant to be pulled out from their roots.

The sound of the bell ringing snapped me back to reality. I quickly took a last glance at them, as they weren't hugging anymore. Gaisen was holding her hand in a gentle way.

I quickly turned around and ran towards the class. I can't let them know I witnessed that. I can't let them know how much trash I am. I'll act like it never happened.

As I was running, the corridor was slowly getting crowded as students were leaving the classes. I was making my way through them and as I was about to enter the class, I bumped hard into someone.

Looking up, it was Sakamaki with his bag on his shoulder and looking down at me with his plain, emotionless eyes. I didn't pay any mind to him, as I ran past him into the class.

I didn't even realise that tears were almost forming in my eyes and were on the verge of rolling down my cheeks too.

Why am I crying? It's funny. I have no reason to cry. It's all my damn fault. I felt like my heart, which worked so hard to put together again, broke with a single blow of wind. Everything shattered.