Chapter 82 - Hands Stained With Red Lillies Part - 1

"I want to talk about something." He said in a dry tone with a wry smile while looking towards the park.

I was following him to the park, but something felt really off about this ordeal. He wasn't the kind of guy to randomly talk with me.

We walked up to a bench near the clock and sat down. I opened the can of choco milk that I bought when we passed by the vending machine and took a sip from it. He sat next to me and sighed.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" I asked him.

"I… don't know how to say this to you." He kept silent for a bit before taking a deep breath and saying that while looking at me.

"Don't worry, I won't mind anything. Just go on." Looking at his hesitation, I knew this would take some time.

"I have been keeping this inside me for a long time now. But…" He paused mid-sentence and started rolling the can he was holding between his palms.

"But?" I asked with a slight raise of eyebrows as a gesture for him to continue.

"Recently things have been really bad…" "It has been really tough for me." He continued.

"Mhm" I nodded again, and he continued.

"You know about that whole deal with Koi?" He asked, but for some reason he was talking indirectly.

"That Uyeno one?" I asked, even though I knew that's the only thing he can refer to at that moment. 

"Yeah" He nodded and glanced at me for an instant. He is acting like we are doing something illegal, like a drug deal here.

"Yes, what about it?" I took another sip from the can of choco milk. 

There was a bit of silence between us before he resumed talking, "I seriously don't know what to say. Everything feels like a mess in my mind." 

"Bruh just calm down. Take a sip of that drink in your hand." Looking at his restlessness, I figured out that it'll take me some time to make him feel comfortable.

Because telling something like a deep buried secret to someone can be really nerve wrecking and needs a lot of courage. At times, people can't even tell these things to their closed ones due to their unexpected reactions. 

Humans in general are really judgemental creatures, so even though we say that we should judge others, judging is just a basic human nature.

"I know… it's just really complicated." He said with a bit of hesitation in his voice.

"Don't worry, since I'm listening to you, you may as well take your time." I rested my back on the bench and put my right leg on top of my left one.

After what seemed like him being trapped in an endless void of thoughts, he finally said, "Ok… so I'm going to start from the start of everything."

"Aight, go ahead." I nodded.

"First of all, me and Koi aren't dating." As he said those words, I couldn't believe my ears. Now I understood why he was so stressed about telling this.

"Huh?" There was visible confusion on my face.

"Yeah, we were never dating to begin with." He said with a halfhearted chuckle.

"Ok…" Though I wasn't expecting him to say that, he actually made me curious now.

"What? You aren't surprised?" He looked at me with tensed eyebrows and the same confusion as me.

"I'm, it's just not showing on my face." I shrugged as I took another sip of my choco milk. Not going to lie, choco milk along with someone spilling their secrets feels really good.

"Uh… you don't think it's weird?" I guess my reaction wasn't what he was expecting.

"See, it's weird but I'm sure that you must've had some circumstances that led you two to take this decision." I shrugged.

"Wow…" He was looking at me with astonishment in his eyes.

"So… then? Is this all?" I asked, but I had a feeling that he was getting started.

"Wait… you aren't curious about why we pretended to date each other?" He asked and gave an awkward smile.

"If you don't mind telling me, then." I took another sip from the can of my choco milk. I didn't ask him because I don't know if he should be telling me this in the first place. Does Kizhashi know about this?

"So… you know last year around fall?" He raised his head and gazed into the sky, which was a shade of black and orange because the sun was almost gone. His hair flowing slightly with a light tug of wind.

"Yeah, that's when you two became a couple, right?" I looked at him in curiosity.

"Yeah… so it was Koi who wanted to date me." He said after a few moments.

"You mean pretend to date you?" As I said that, his gazes shifted from the sky towards me.

"I… think doing that made things worse than it already was." Again, a wave of gloominess washed over his face as he ran his hands through his soft dark hairs.

"What do you mean?" If I'm not wrong then I can pretty much deduce that their pretending to date was for Koi's sake so that she won't face something like that.

"See… this is the part that I don't know how to tell you. I just can't put it into words." He was tapping his left foot on the group repeatedly. 

"See, just take a deep breath and take your time." Looking at his anxious behaviour, I was a bit surprised because Gaisen was never the kind of guy to act like this. 

After a few moments of nothing but silence between us, he started, "Ok, I'm ready. So…"

"Mhm?" I nodded, and he continued.

"So you know... Koi used to be bullied back in middle school." He said, a bit awkwardly.

"Kizhashi-san being bullied?" I said, even though I witnessed that incident last week. But I thought back then too that it was a strange sight to look at her like that.