Chapter 182 - Differences Between Us

Naoto's POV

I was surrounded by the loud noise chattering all around me, but somehow looking in the eyes of the person in front of me was making me feel as if everything was really calm and steady around me. 

My hand was enveloped in his as his fingers were slowly wrapping around mine, while the plain expression kept remaining on his face. He wasn't looking around, but all his attention was right on me. 

I was feeling awkward a few moments ago before entering his class, but all that awkwardness was gone. I knew that some of the students were looking at us, but I could care less about them at that moment.

"So what's up?" I asked him, as it felt like he was getting in the mood to open up a bit. Honestly, it was really hard to predict him, or what went inside his head most of the time.

Still, there was a bit of hesitation on his face so I told him in a soft voice while cradling his hand tighter, "Don't be shy, I'm all ears for you."

At that moment many things were going on in my mind.. But ironically, the most stupid one was what kept me thinking. Was I holding his hand too tight? Did I do the right thing by holding hands? Well, he said that he likes holding my hand so it shouldn't be a problem.

What if I'm being too assertive? I don't think he'll be uncomfortable but even if he was I wouldn't know since he doesn't change expressions.

Why was he like that!?

His eyes shifted towards me as a faint smile finally formed on his face. Letting out a heavy breath, he looked up towards the ceiling and then on to me as he said, "You're really kind, Senpai…"

I remember that Vivian used to get sad. I would ask him about it and he'd tell me everything without any second thoughts. But Sakshi was different from him. He was a really closed person. I nodded my head and gestured to him to continue, "Hai hai… so tell me…"

"No, I'm good. Honestly… I was just a bit burnt out lately. Nothing much." He said in a voice that was lighter than before. People usually talk in a lighter voice when they are feeling comfortable with someone. 

Still, I was curious as to what could get a person like Saishi to behave like that. With a frown on my face, I asked, "Come on, Saishi… do you not trust me? Or is it that you don't feel close enough to talk about those things?"

Listening to my words, a downcast appeared on his face as his small smile faded away slowly and he said in his usual blunt tone, "It's not like that Senpai…"

"Then!?" I tilted my head in curiosity, and he again looked at me and said hesitantly, "I… really like you, in all honesty." 

I always found it weird how he can just say things like that without even being fazed but the person he is saying that to gets affected a lot. My cheeks were flushing as he suddenly mentioned that.

"But looking at you, then looking at myself… I couldn't help but feel out of place." He said with a wry look on his face. I couldn't understand what he said properly so I asked him in confusion, "Wha… what do you mean?"

To my question, he chuckled slightly before looking at me and asking in a casual tone, "Let me ask you one thing, what did you see in me to accept my offer of dating you?"

Of course, he was stupid, and he didn't realise that these types of questions are difficult to answer especially when the person asking the question is the same person you like. Feeling a bit embarrassed, I opened my mouth to say something, "Umm… I…."

But before I could even form the correct words, he interrupted me and said, "Of course you won't. Don't worry about it…"

From his words, it felt like he wasn't sure why I was dating him. Or rather he wanted to know why I chose him in the first place. But he misunderstood me, so I immediately showed him my hand, "No wait…"

I got a pretty good idea of what he was upset about. But it was something really stupid in the first place. He was having an inferiority complex because he was dating me. 

I couldn't find any reason for him to think that way. I was his senior and I was well aware of my image around the school. Despite the fact that I asked him out, he was still feeling this way?

Is he stupid?

Why would I ask him out if I didn't like him in the first place?

"Listen… are you stupid?" Furrowing my eyebrows, I glared at him and added, "Why would you even think about that?"

He didn't pay attention to me as he said in a low tone with an awkward smile on his face, "I didn't have anything notable in me…"

It was confusing for me to understand why he used to think that way. Saishi actually had a lot of good things about him if we can keep aside his face which constantly looks pissed and his rudeness.

He was a good student as I could tell and he was athletic too since he won the silver medal in the sprint this festival. He was good at socializing too, but still the way he said those words felt like it came from the bottom of his heart.

I narrowed my eyes on him and asked him, "Why would you think that way?"

At that moment, maybe I was genuinely concerned about him, or it was out of plain curiosity. I was really confused because I have never met a person like Saishi before. He looked so plain and boring but that was just a facade. 

"But isn't that the truth only?" He said while running his hands through his hair.

I was like he had this outer shell, which looked really simple and inside the shell was something interesting. There was obviously more to him than what met the eyes and I knew this from the first day my eyes fell upon him.

Still, I didn't like the fact that he used to look at himself like some trash when in reality he wasn't. With a stern look, I glared at him, "No it's not!" 

He looked at me with a confused look. There was even a hint of surprise in his eyes, as I added, "You're stupid if you think that's the truth."

He suddenly stood up from his chair, and our hands separated which made me realise that I was holding his hand for white a long time. The sheer thought was embarrassing, but I didn't let it show on my face.

His desk was right next to the window, as walked up to the wall and leaned against it while his eyes shifted towards me. With his eyes, he pointed towards the empty chair as a gesture for me to sit down.

I was standing for a long time actually while learning on his desk. I smiled awkwardly as I took a seat on the chair. He gave a nod, as I turned towards him and noticed him looking intently.

He was quite considerate actually, though he might not look like that type of person. A few days ago, we were walking home and I was on his right side, so he changed sides as walking on the right was dangerous.

He was expecting me to say something, and after quite a bit of contemplation, I decided to tell him after all. Though it might be embarrassing, I started, "I… see I don't want to say this… but listen!"

"You have notable things about yourselves. You may not be aware of them, but the people around you are affected by those things one way or the other." I said in a straightforward way without hesitation since those were my honest feelings towards him.

I looked at him as he had this confused look on his face. Narrowing his eyes at me he took a small pause before asking, "Were you affected by those things?"

I was taken aback by that sudden question because I wasn't expecting it at all. I stared at him for a few moments as he kept looking at me with that same blank expression on his face. 

It was a simple question, and the answer to it was obviously yes. But saying that to him was a bit embarrassing. I've never been good at these things. Even when I was in a relationship with Vivian, he used to mostly initiate things from his side.

My eye again shifted towards him and his intense gaze was making me feel a weird way. I was getting this funny sensation in my stomach probably because I was nervous. But sooner or later I'll have to tell him.