Chapter 3 - Arc 1 2 – My Entire Life Is A Lie!!!

And then, like a kettle that had reached a boiling point, the disembodied voice burst out, “I know, right?! Those stinky little humans stole every word that made sense and passed it off as their own!!”

What imposing atmosphere? The speaker’s grand and aloof manner simply got fed to the dogs!!

The voice didn’t even pause to take in a breath, only getting more agitated the more it spoke, “I clearly told them they should include plagiarism in the list of deathly sins, but noooo, ‘Blackie, that is already included under theft’ they said! And look at what happened! Just look!”

Noah indeed looked, but besides darkness… he couldn’t see a thing.

╮(╯∀╰)╭

“And do you know what the worst thing about it is?!?”– the voice didn’t wait for a response –“Apparently pilfering every word wasn’t enough, they even added in a bunch of nonsense!! The Holy Scripture had been butchered!! Simply butchered beyond recognition!!!”

Noah’s righteous indignation faltered, and suddenly he felt a bit bad for this unfortunate… deity?

He spoke up, “Uh… it… it isn’t that bad? I’m sure that most people with a brain can tell the truth apart from the nonsense. I mean, no one stones non-virgins nowadays…”

(; ﾟ 3ﾟ )~♪

The voice snorted derisively, obviously unconvinced yet unwilling to continue this undoubtedly painful topic. “Back to what I was saying, “– it cleared its throat –“As a worldborn, your soul and body have been included in our periodic scans, and due to the most recent results, we’ve decided to pick you up. As per regulations, we’ve sent you through a specialized procedure you worldborn call ascension”– the voice halted, then added under its breath –“…or was it rebirth?”

Apparently, the person it was directing the question to wasn’t clear on the correct terminology either, because soon after, the voice continued, “Ahem, at any rate, you were intercepted midway through the procedure and brought here instead of sending you off to reincarnation.”

Noah didn’t quite understand who he was speaking to and what the mentioned scan was, but… “Wait, wait, wait, wait! Reincarnation?! Um, senior, you’ve got the wrong soul! This one is getting off at Haven!”

A heavy silence enveloped the empty space again, this time lasting even longer than the previous one.

“Uh… I don’t know how to tell you this, but…”

Noah suddenly got a very bad feeling, “Is there something wrong with my soul?!”

“Heavens, no! Your soul is 100% perfect! Perfectly in line with what the Bureau has been looking for, that is,” the voice refuted.

Having himself called perfect, ah, Noah felt a bit shy.

(⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

But his bashfulness didn’t last long, for soon enough, he caught onto the point that he had previously missed, “The Bureau?”

Noah’s limpid eyes narrowed, “Wait… you are not God! You… who exactly are you?”, Noah looked around himself skeptically, as if he could see through the thick veil of darkness to the entity hiding within.

“My name is BLK-043, and I am a highly advanced artificial intelligence working for the World and Soul Management Bureau. You may call me Black.”

Black didn’t wait for Noah to respond, “Cradle, the world you used to live in, is but one small world among countless other worlds that exist in this multiverse, all of which are under our management.

“Well…we call them worlds, but they are more like universes, planes of existence, dimensions of space- ahem, what I’m trying to say is, the Bureau is the highest and most powerful organization in existence that manages all worlds and souls in the multiverse. We are the good guys in charge of rebirth, reincarnation, karmic retribution, stabilization of new worlds, preventing worlds from collapsing, and other tasks of utmost importance!”

Noah patiently waited for Black to finish his words. And then, without a single change in expression, he deadpanned, “Oh. Are you here to offer me a job at your prestigious organization?”

“Yes!” The voice sounded delighted that Noah caught on to what was happening so quickly. “It’s a once in a lifetime offer! Cannot be passed by! Simply to die for–”

Noah obligingly nodded.

“–Literally!”

Noah’s polite smile stiffened.

Feeling like he hasn’t sufficiently expressed how irresistible his job offer was, Black added very sincerely, “Congratulations! Unlike everyone else that can live only once, you get to live out many different lives in many different worlds! Fantasy, science fiction, superpowers, magic – you name it, we have it!”

“A world-hopping job? Say no more! I’ve read many novels with this kind of plot!” Noah nodded good-naturedly, “Let me guess, the job also comes with super cool cheat-like items and skills and some kind of game-like leveling system?”

“That’s right! That’s me!” If Black had a chest, he would have puffed it up in pride. “I’ll have you know that countless agents of the Bureau would sell their souls to have me become their system! Getting the honor of being the host of such a powerful, experienced, and capable system such as me is your greatest fortune!”

“That’s nice.” Noah nodded his head, a nonchalant smile gracing his face, “In other words, those quick-transmigration web novels I’ve read are more reliable sources of information than the Holy Scripture. Good to know.”

He didn’t know why, but Black suddenly had a feeling that this recruitment wasn’t going in the right direction.

Sure enough, Noah’s unconcerned tone flipped to cheery, “So, when is the next bus to Haven?”

If Black had a human body, he would have tripped over his own feet. “Yeah…no. There… there isn’t one.”

“What about other transportation methods?”

“No… what I meant is, there is no Haven…” (; ﾟ 3ﾟ )~♪

“Haven is a lie?!?” Noah nearly choked on the saliva that came flying from his own outraged gasp.

Black stumbled over his words in his hurry to explain, “No, uh, not entirely, uh–”

“Is God a lie too?!”

Black paused, then, evidently rather confused by the question, he inquired, “…which one?”

“The God!” Noah solemnly emphasized.

“…but which one?” impatience bled into Black’s tone.

“The One and Only Holy Father!” Noah suppressed an eye-roll.

Black fell silent for a long, long moment.

Finally, Noah heard a third voice explain in a hushed whisper, “It’s the one that got written into the Holy Scripture later on!”

A very collective and synchronized “Oooooh!” could be heard, followed by the mixed exclamations of:

“Oh, yeah, I remember now.”

“Right, right, I’ve heard of that one.”

“That’s the one from the last week’s memo, right?”

Noah’s eyes lit up in expectation, “So he does exist?”

Voices collectively fell silent again.

Soon enough, Black was once again pushed out as a representative, “Yeah…no. That one got written into the scripture later on by some dude calling himself an apostle...”

Noah’s smile stiffened, “How… how about other gods?”

Black paused, deliberating over his word choice, “Some worlds have multiple gods or even a supreme god; however, yours does not.” Black coughed awkwardly, “And even if your world did have a god, those so-called deities only hold power within their own world. However! Rare as they might be, the multiverse does have entities powerful enough to be considered as gods, but they are in no way… holy.”

What followed were outraged exclaims of “Hey!” and “Who are you calling unholy?!?”

(凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

Noah stared into the all-encompassing darkness, looking very much at a loss. “If there is no Haven and no God, then… what is the purpose of my birth and ascension?”

Noah could feel the invisible entities sharing a look among themselves.

“Actually… to be honest with you… your homeworld, Cradle, is an artificially made world we created specifically to nurture new recruits… so uh… it was made to periodically spawn parentless babies with good specs…”

‘Wow…parentless babies with good specs… that’s one hell of an accurate phrase to describe worldborn!’ (ꐦ ◠‿◠)

“So, uh… when we detect an adult worldborn that meets the recruitment criteria, we teleport them away and offer them a job… so… technically… your purpose is to work for the Bureau?”

╮(╯▽╰)╭

Noah blankly stared into space for a moment, before the lost expression abated, replaced with exaggerated shock, “Wait, wait, wait! The world was artificially created?!? So…big bang is a lie?!?”, Noah clutched at his heart as if he had suffered a heavy blow, “Don’t tell me! Is evolution a lie as well!?!”

Black suddenly felt that something wasn’t quite right with this person in front of him, but couldn’t quite point out where the feeling came from.

“Haven is a lie, God is a lie, even science is a lie! My whole life is a lie!!”

Noah made a tragic picture of a broken beauty as he looked up with his misty eyes to where the sky should be, or at least, in the direction he thought was up. The only thing missing to complete the picture was a single tear rolling down his soft white cheeks.

“How could you play with the hearts of men like this?” ಢ_ಢ

‘Wait a moment!’ Black suddenly realized where the incongruity came from –‘Do you believe in the theory of creation mentioned in the Holy Scripture or the one proposed by science?!’

“You! You never believed in God in the first place, did you?!?”

Noah looked around shiftily like he was avoiding meeting Black’s eyes, even though he had no idea where Black’s eyes were. “I… might have questioned his existence once… or twice…or like…twenty…” Noah drawled.

“…times? You counted?” ಠ_ಠ

“No, twenty…years…” (／≧ω＼)

Black: (눈_눈)

Black’s mind suddenly shook as he realized the truth. This person in front of him was just messing around!!! He actually didn’t give two shits about which part of his life was true or false! He didn’t even remember his life!!! (ꐦ▔皿▔)

“You…! Stop messing around! I’m being serious here!”

“All I knew was an elaborate ploy to recruit new members by some cult. Am I not allowed to heal my wounded heart with humor?” Noah shrugged.

“We are a proper and morally upright organization! Not a cult!”

“Riiiight, though my whole life was a lie you spun… you seem reliable, so I’ll take your word on that.”

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Black: ( ꒪Д꒪) ‘I… actually have no words with which to refute this…’

After a moment of dumbfounded silence, Black guiltily voiced out, “Actually… most… most things written in the Holy Scripture are true in a sense. While there is technically no Haven per se, the things you were promised, such as a new life in a wonderful magical world, weren’t a lie… that is, as long as you accept the job working for the Bureau…”

“…and if I refuse?” (ꐦ ≖ ‸ ≖)

“…then you’ll be sent to reincarnate.” ╮(╯∀╰)╭

(╯°Д°）╯︵ ┻━┻ ‘You lot are scammers! Give me back my wonderful carefree life in a vast, beautiful world!!’