Chapter 36 - Arc 1 35 – Did You Do Something With Your Hair?

Levi was in luck, for Noah was indeed very preoccupied browsing the inflatable goods side of the store.

The city he had been born in on Cradle wasn’t near the seaside, and the river that passed through it was not suitable for taking a dip in. The city had many swimming pools, but one needed to pay for entry, so Noah had rarely had the opportunity to play in a swimming pool.

Besides the two times he had managed to go on a school excursion to the seaside due to the social fond for the schooling of orphans, the closest he could come to the sea was watching it on TV.

And boy, did TV make it look fun, with huge, colorful inflatable balloons and floats and people grinning from ear to ear with their sunglasses and trendy swimwear.

Although his ascension had wiped all of these from Noah’s memories, it couldn’t change his instinctual reaction to seeing a whole section of a store filled with all kinds of inflatable toys.

And that reaction was…

Noah: Buy, buy, buy!!! (✪ ω ✪)

And thus, when Levi rejoined Noah and Trey, after purchasing his swimming trunks, what he was faced with was his coy little kitten with huge glittering eyes, hugging a big box to his chest like some kind of treasure.

And on that big box was a picture of huge inflatable white unicorn float with rainbow-colored mane and tail.

Levi nearly dropped his shopping bag due to how his limbs melted into tofu when faced with his darling’s overpowering cuteness. Every time his heart developed any semblance of defense against his darling’s devastating cuteness attacks, his baby’s attack power would shoot up to never before seen heights!!

Ah, ah, heart be still! Resist the impulse to smother the little guy in your arms!

Still, Levi was unable to resist the urge to reach out to caress his baby’s little fluffy head.

This very fluffy and pink moment of bliss was ruined by a mocking snort, followed by the most annoying voice imaginable to man:

“Well, well, well. Who do we have here?” The speaker drawled “Daddy’s little boy Aris. Hah, I knew that a little Soother bitch like you must definitely be gay! What? That fag Case didn’t fuck your ass hard enough, so you replaced him with someone with a bigger dick?”

The three men turned towards the owner of the voice to see a barely legal rich boy who seemed to have just come out of the nearby nightclub after partying for the entire night. His arms were wrapped around a different woman each, both skimpily dressed bimbos.

Levi’s previously softly smiling expression turned as cold as the north pole, his glare colder than absolute zero. ‘What’s this? I let my baby out of my sight for one minute, and some rabid dog jumps out to take a bite out of him? This won’t do!!’

His precious little treasure needed to be protected 24/7!

He was right to not let him out of his sight for even a second!

Luckily, from now on, his baby will have him, Levi, to protect him day and night, all around the clock. Free of charge!

Though, of course, he might occasionally enjoy some of the “employee benefits”, such as having his baby reimburse his labor with his body. (⸝⸝⸝ºωº⸝⸝⸝)

Ahem, ahem, the point was, he definitely had to remove this vulgar rabid dog that was offensive to both the eyes and ears from his baby's vicinity ASAP!! How dare he call his precious treasure names and even put him together with someone besides him, Levi?!? At least he was right about the bigger dick part.

But one woman on each arm?! How could he pollute his baby's eyes with such a disgraceful sight! How dare this kind of scum that can't even be faithful to his partner show his face in front of his baby?!

Blackie: That's rich! Coming from a person with a fiancée on the side and brother-in-law currently in the process of chasing. (눈_눈)

Noah stared blankly at the rude adversary in front of him, great confusion evident on his face.

“Blackie, why is this dude suddenly calling me gay?”

…Because there are pink heart-shaped bubbles in the air around you and your brother-in-law? Though when the time came for Blackie to provide an answer, what he said was: “Must be the rainbow unicorn.”

That answer didn’t make Noah any less confused, “Why is a rainbow unicorn considered gay?”

“…you are right, when compared with your second choice of a pink flamingo, the rainbow unicorn is definitely not gay.”

“It’s not my fault that those were the biggest two floats in the store!! If you ask me, I would have preferred to ride a dragon!”

Blackie: Bigger is better, is it? Hehe, I’ll pass that on to the higher-ups, they can definitely arrange for you to ride a dragon in the future.

Future Noah: (ノ꒪Д꒪)ノ︵ ┻━┻ That’s neither the right kind of dragon nor the right kind of riding!!!!

Finally, after a long moment of silence, in which Levi was contemplating what would be the best way to make the annoying dog in front of him disappear, Noah spoke, his voice dripping with bewilderment, “Um…I’m sorry, do I know you?”

The insult Levi was just about to throw back at the other party, turned into a puff of laughter. How could his darling be so darn cute?!? What comeback could possibly be better than this unintentional burn??

One look at the rabid dog’s expression was enough to tell how effective it was! The man looked as if he had just swallowed a fly, and his face was quickly turning red with fury.

It was that feeling! That feeling when you finally cross paths again with your longtime nemesis, triumphantly deliver a punch line, and then realize…the other doesn’t even know who you are!!!

Levi wasn’t the only one who couldn’t contain his laughter, Trey too was forced to hide his grin behind a cough, and Blackie… well, Blackie was internally laughing so hard that he felt as if he had cracked a rib that he, as an AI system, didn’t even have.

The vulgar teenager finally exploded with rage, his spit flying everywhere as he screeched, “How dare you pretend to not know ME, Teagan Peyton?!?”

With that self-introduction, Noah finally put the face to the name. Teagan Peyton was the youngest son of another hereditary city lord. City lord Teagan often engaged in word spars against Cordia daddy on the yearly meetings between the various city lords.

In fact, it was precisely on one of those meetings that Aris had met this profligate son of the Teagan city lord two years ago. Teagan Peyton might have remembered the blindingly radiant existence of Cordia Aris, an SS-ranked Soother and future city lord of Concordia, but Aris totally didn’t remember this irrelevant personage that only came to the meeting to sightsee.

“Blackie, why is this cannon fodder antagonizing Aris??”

Blackie, who was just about to gain control of his own uncontrollable laughter, lost it again. Host, how can you be so brutal without even realizing it?!? “Writing someone off as cannon fodder, you-you…bwahahaha!!!”

Noah felt the need to clarify his words, “I meant, he has that cannon fodder vibe going on. You know, that vibe that makes one want to punch him right after meeting him for the first time? The kind that is good at pulling aggro from the onlookers? The kind that would be the first to die in a horror movie due to his pompous death-seeking overconfidence. The kind that, if they were in a revenge novel, would be the first the main character would get revenge on. The kind–“

“Stop! No need to continue! I know what a cannon fodder is!” Blackie interrupted. Host, please have mercy!! I think I heard something crack in my chip!

“Alright, then, Blackie, why is this guy provoking me?”

“Why are you asking me? You are the one with Aris’s memories! If you don’t know, how would I know??”

And now Noah felt stupid for even asking. He had yet to find a single good use for this system of his. No wonder everyone from the department came to see him, this unlucky fellow, who got made into his host.

Blackie: Your guesses are getting scarily more accurate…

Noah turned his attention back to the situation at hand. Alright, since he had no idea why this person was antagonizing him, he would try to contain it from running out of control. He didn’t want his brother-in-law to see something so disgraceful.

Noah coughed awkwardly and attempted to dispel the rapidly heating up situation, “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t recognize you. Did you do something with your hair?”

Teagan Peyton, whose hair couldn’t be seen because he was wearing a straw fedora hat: “Are you fucking messing with me?!?!”

Author Note:

Noah: “If you ask me, I would have preferred to ride a dragon!”

I’m on it. Don’t you worry, darling. You’ll definitely “ride” a dragon in the future.