Chapter 785 - Laying It Out

When I previously said I preferred Ishida-senpai as an admirable senior, it’s mostly because that’s how I came to be interested in her. Ever since meeting her during that club recruitment day, she remained steadfast in her passion for the Literature Club.

Well, her judgements and decisions weren’t always perfect. For example, coming with that Kenji to a love hotel. Although I somehow prevented it and she clearly reflected on her decision, that just showed her imperfections as a human being. No one could call themselves perfect. Except for narcissists, I guess?

Anyway, apart from that, Ishida-senpai retained her admirability. In my eyes, at least. Her impartiality and her love for the club were probably the things I like about her.

And even though she clearly expressed last Sunday that she invited me not because she likes me, this particular move from her says otherwise.

I could now feel her racing heartbeat. Her hands’ grip was also tightening to keep it from shaking.

Whatever she’s thinking right now, she’s most likely bracing herself for another rejection from me.

Rejection might be the wrong word… I just wasn’t going in the direction of trying to court her.

“Mhm… But I have to admit, I do appreciate this, senpai. Can I at least turn around? I feel it’s wrong to be the only one on the receiving end.”

“Huh? No. Just stay still and let me hug you.”

“What if I insist?” Upon saying that, I quickly turned my body around to face her. Even though she was gripping my shoulders tightly, that didn’t prevent me from doing so.

Before she knew it, while her arms remained hanging on my side since they lost their grip, my arms enclosed around her body, just like what happened last Sunday.

Ishida-senpai flinched and raised her chin to meet my gaze.

“Now, it’s my turn to say, ‘Don’t say anything’. I’m returning what I received from you, senpai. I ought to do more. However, I have to leave soon…”

Ishida-senpai tried to open her mouth but closed it as quickly upon hearing my words. Following that, her arms settled on my back and clasped together to tighten her embrace.

It’s clearly too obvious. Only a dense idiot or someone running from reality would place another meaning to these actions of hers.

“Like I said before I left your house last Sunday, I’m honestly interested in you, senpai. If you feel lonely, I can accompany you again. And thanks to that notebook filled with your wisdom and knowledge, I’m learning a lot of things… I actually feel really lucky to have you as my senior…”

“But?” Although she showed minute reactions to everything that I said, she clearly predicted that there’s a ‘But’ coming next.

My lips twisted into a bitter smile and nodded before continuing, “But I still don’t think it’s wise to court you.”

Upon hearing that, her eyes shook as she gradually lowered her head. A while later, the sensation of her enclosed arms disappeared from my back. She pulled it back and put it on my chest.

It’s not to clutch onto my clothes or something put to push me away, to try and get away from my embrace.

I guess that’s the effect of my words on her.

However, I’m not done yet. That’s why instead of letting her go, my arms enclosed around her moved downwards and pressed on her hips to pull her closer to me.

“This will sound conceited of me but I’ll still say it… Senpai, I’m trying to save you from being burdened by my abnormality. If I started courting you, I know to myself that I won’t stop until I make you say yes. Furthermore, you’re aware of it. Kana and Rae aren’t my only girlfriends. There’s more. I really want you to think about this clearly. Perhaps I got your interest but I still think I’m the worst person to associate with.”

One could say that the way I was treating her was different compared to the others. But it’s kinda similar in a way.

In Ishida-senpai's case, because I somehow preferred her as that admirable senior, I was holding myself back. Our relationship could just stay that way. But because of this instance, I guess it might change sooner than I thought.

In Arisa-senpai and Izumi-senpai’s case, they both had that choice to walk away from me. Unfortunately, they didn’t. And because Arisa-senpai approached me again, Izumi-senpai fell in line. But the latter’s reason was to protect the former from me. Too bad for her though, I turned the tables on her in the end.

In Otsuka-senpai's case, there’s really not much to say about her… I felt responsible for her curiosity over that subject. Perhaps one could say that I was deluding myself that I was only taking responsibility and using it as an excuse to keep her running within my palm but that’s just how it is... It’s clearly my fault that her curiosity over that subject overflowed because of that one instance of letting her watch Kana and me having sex.

Anyway, the force of Ishida-senpai’s push weakened and gradually came to a stop.

Nonetheless, she didn’t say anything, turning the situation into an awkward silence.

For the next five minutes, the situation continued. Without any words exchanged, it became an instance where our body warmth transferred to one another. I could feel her calm breathing on my chest but there was no other movement from her.

If I had to guess, she couldn’t find the words to say next.

That’s why… To save us both from the awkwardness, I uttered an excuse as I removed my arms holding her tightly.

“I’ll be going then, senpai. See you next week.”

Well, it’s not really an excuse. Shizu would be waiting for me. With our relationship revealed to the members of the Student Council as well as my new position of being a Disciplinary Officer, it would look bad on her if I took my time to show up.

Before stepping away, I stroked Ishida-senpai’s silky black hair down to her back which made her raise her head to face me.

She’s biting her lips as expected. And from the expression written on her face, she’s clearly trying to find words to say.

I chuckled at that which made her forehead crease in slight annoyance but when I candidly reached for her cheeks and affectionately caressed them, her expression slowly eased up as she finally responded to me.

It’s just a simple nod but it’s enough.

With that, I gave her cheeks a squeeze before pulling my hand off of them. I then turned around and left the clubroom. This time, Ishida-senpai didn’t stop me.

She’d be alone in that there for a while but I guess she could use that time to think about what I just told her. If she remained steadfast with her decision to be involved with me then I would have to answer in kind.

Whatever her decision, I guess I would be able to hear about it next week or if she wanted, through Messenger. Either way, I’m going to hear her out properly. I already laid out everything for her. She’s a pretty girl who could even receive a confession from someone so… even if it’s not me, there’s a possibility that she could find someone that would show the same level of concern and appreciation towards her.

If that happened, it would definitely leave a bitter taste in my mouth but that’s just life.. It’s not up to me to decide for her.