Chapter 568: Do as you wish

Without saying anything, as soon as I reached her arm’s reach, Arisa-senpai pulled me in her embrace once more.

Three seconds after that, her body began to shake once more and her fingers firmly clutched onto my back.

Arisa-senpai’s anger as well as her fear of me was resurfacing.

As for why she asked me to stay and even gestured for me to draw near her, I think I’m beginning to have an idea.

This girl... Arisa-senpai was trying to see if what she felt upon hearing everything I revealed to her could win against her attraction to me.

And sure enough, she’s already about to rage judging from the strength of her grip. Perhaps, the back of my uniform would be too crumpled by the time I left this room. Furthermore, with her chin resting on my shoulder, it’s impossible for me to see her expression.

“Senpai—”

“Shut up, Onoda-kun. I’m holding you so you can’t run away.”

I had just uttered one word and she already cut me off. I guess I’d let her be for now.

However, she probably hadn’t factored something. My attraction towards her was just as high. Instead of thinking of running away, my mind was already geared in that direction.

With Arisa-senpai this close to me, my arms eventually circled around her, holding her just as tight. And before I knew it, I was already rubbing her back and brushing her hair with my fingers, with the intention to calm her down.

“W-what the...”

When she realized my hold on her and what I was doing, Arisa-senpai reflexively tried to pull away.

Alas, the best she could do was pull her head a bit. Even if I was squatting in front of her, my arms holding her closely were not without strength.

“Senpai hating me and fearing me is just as I expected. I expected it but I still went through with telling you about it. You see, I can’t easily lie to someone I love anymore. Rather than keeping you in the dark and keeping our relationship hidden from everyone, it’s a lot better for you to understand my complexities. Besides, if our relationship bloomed into something given our uncontrollable attraction to each other, you’ll just be filled by your guilt and that’s not something I want to see.”

This time, Arisa-senpai didn't stop me from speaking. With her eyes already in contact with mine, she stared at me with a truly complicated expression on her face.

“Well, you can deem this as me making up an excuse. Either way, you’ll be the judge whether I’m telling the truth or not.” I put on a defeated smile.

“... Onoda-kun.”

“Yes, senpai?”

“What should I do?”

“Although I have no idea what you’re pertaining to, senpai should just follow what you think is right. It’s not my place to decide for you.”

Upon hearing my answer, Arisa-senpai deeply sighed as her head gradually lowered. In the end, she ended up burying her face in my chest once more while her arms that were still clutching my back gradually relaxed.

“I... I hate everything you revealed to me, Onoda-kun. I wish... I wish you stayed as my cheeky junior. My cheeky junior that I can’t get out of my mind. I wish you’re not Nanami’s boyfriend. That way, I can have you to myself. I wish you’re just joking with me. Take back everything you revealed. That way, I can still hold you without feeling this hate and fear towards you... Hey, tell me, it’s a lie.”

Halfway through her words, I felt a warm sensation seeping through my clothes and along with that, her cracked voice that seemed to be holding back her tears that had already spilled.

She’s crying. Arisa-senpai is crying over the fact that I am not lying.

She’s aware of it. With how I relayed everything to her, all of it being a lie was out of the question.

“I wish I was also lying, senpai. But that’s me. That’s the true identity of your cheeky junior...”

I continued brushing her hair and rubbing her back, all in the hopes of calming her down.

However, her silent sobs just grew in volume.

At this point, words are already useless. No matter what I say, the truth has already been established.

I’m worse than just a normal cheater. Worse than that ex of hers who fooled her with flowery words.

And just like this, the remaining ten minutes of the Mentor Program came to an end.

When the bell rang, I pulled my handkerchief and lifted Arisa-senpai’s tear-stained face to wipe off her tears.

Even though she’s aware of what I was doing, Arisa-senpai’s eyes remained closed as her sobs still continued.

Perhaps for her, this attraction or affection she’s feeling for me has already ended.

She probably couldn’t see herself entering the mess of being in a relationship with someone like me.

“Senpai, I know this is probably hopeless but still... I love you.” I put on a gentle smile as I traced her red lips with my thumb that was slightly sore from how much she bit on it earlier.

“Those words... You’re saying that to every one of your girls. Does it still have value?” She placed her hand on mine and stopped my thumb from moving.

“Perhaps, from an outsider's perspective, there’s none. But for those connected to me, it’s something they always long to hear. I already told you my story and received your reaction as well as swift judgement to it.” Instead of her lips, I began caressing her cheek and slowly, I covered her lips with mine.

At first, Arisa-senpai froze but as I gently moved my lips to savor this possibly last kiss with her, she copied me and placed her hand on my cheek as she began responding to it.

Through this kiss, I’m trying to convey to her the three words she deemed of no value anymore. On the other hand, what I felt from her kiss was her reluctance. Reluctance to accept that our story might be over once we leave this room.

Eventually, our lips separated and I once again ran my thumb on her lips, wiping off the trace of our kiss.

“Although I’m still hoping to make you mine, I better take a step back for now. What senpai can do at the moment is to decide how you will act after accepting that what I revealed is all true. Expose me, persuade Nami and the others or keep it to yourself, that’s all in your hands.”

Ending my words with a smile, I then voluntarily stepped back, creating some distance between us.

Even if I truly wanted to ravage her at the moment, forget everything and just act on how much I am attracted to her, there’s no way I would do that.

After hurting the women of my past, I didn’t want to repeat it again.

With Arisa-senpai remaining silent and not knowing how to respond to it, I eventually turned around and approached the door.

However, before I slid it open again, Arisa-senpai’s voice reached my ears. “I will tell Izumi.”

“Do as you wish, senpai. Just remember, if you decide to expose me and bring me down, leave the girls out of it.”

Will she pick that choice? Perhaps, if she truly told Izumi-senpai about it, it’s most likely. But with the reluctance I felt from that kiss we shared last, Arisa-senpai would probably keep everything to herself and not trouble her friend about it.

After leaving that abandoned clubroom, instead of going back to the classroom to get my bag, my feet already led me to the third floor of the Club Building. Before I even reached the Literature Club, I already saw the girl that I should’ve met earlier in the morning if not for the urgent matter I attended to.

Ishida-senpai.