Chapter 4

“So why do you keep reminding me like this?”

Helios clenched his teeth and asked, like a person who bursts out all at once of the resentment he had been holding back.

I lowered my gaze and licked my lips.

“I’d rather you hate me. You resent me for betraying you and marrying another woman!”

It’s not like that.

It seems that I had touched Helios trauma.

“Even if you don’t mention Escal like that!”

“……”

“Because every time I see that child, I suffer enough.”

Helios, who had poured out the emotions he had suppressed, sat down on the spot.

The harsh sound of breathing pierced through silence reverberated in my ears.

It seems that it wasn’t only Escal who was hurt.

I looked down at him, unable to raise his face, and then bent my knees to meet eye level.

“Helios.”

Then, as I had done for Escal, I gently embraced him and gently wiped his back.

“Sorry… It’s my fault. I’m sorry, Lena…”

Convincing Helios should be done slowly.

The front of the dress was damp with the tears of the two men.

****

‘Run away, you can’t be caught.’

Something was chasing me in the dark.

The darkness that I couldn’t see anything ahead.

I ran with all my might, but the unknown form got closer every moment.

Ughh, my hair got caught. Someone held me and whispered softly.

‘Do you think you can run away?’

I wanted to scream, but no voice came out.

A cold, damp hand wrapped around my neck.

‘Die.’

A strong hand that I couldn’t shake, choked my throat.

An unidentified woman’s hair fell over my face.

‘Die! I’m going to die!’

‘No…, Hel…  Helios!’

“… Lena! Lena!”

“Ugh!”

“Lena, are you okay?”

I screamed and barely came to my senses, and Helios was looking down at me with worried eyes.

My body was drenched as if I had been rescued from drowning.

“Helios…?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Did you have a nightmare?”

Was it a dream?

I unconsciously groped my neck.

The sensation of choking was too clear to be just a dream.

Helios put his hand on my forehead as I took a deep breath without answering.

“You have a fever. I’ll call a doctor.”

“Helios.”

I got out of bed and grabbed him urgently.

“Don’t go.”

I didn’t want to be alone. If I was left alone, someone else would appear and strangle me.

Helios, hesitating, sat down on the bed and held my hand lightly.

“Okay, I’ll be by your side.”

At last, my heart was relieved by the reliable answer.

“Don’t be anxious. As long as I am here, no one can touch you.”

As if to reassure me, he repeated the same words over and over again.

“It’s okay now. Helios, I need some water….”

Helios, who was holding my hand, hurriedly poured water into the glass.

As I raised my upper body to the sound of dropping the pot, he pressed my shoulder.

“I’ll feed you, so lie down.”

Then he drank the water himself and gently pressed my lips.

Cool liquid rushed through the dry lips.

… It’s Sweet.

“Would you like more?”

“Yes…”

Closing my eyes in embarrassment, Helios smiles cheerfully when I answer.

Again, the soft touch touched my lips.

Every time his hair tickled my forehead, it felt like my heart was tickling as well.

‘It’s my first time, so why are you so used to it?’

It was a familiarity as if Lenia’s senses had been transferred.

Helios hugged me halfway up and craved my lips without stopping.

Helios lifted his face until I scratched his back with my fingernails because I was  short of breath and his head was dazed.

“Ha…”

I put my hand on my aching heart and controlled my breathing.

Helios asked, gently brushing his messy hair.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.”

Averting my eyes in embarrassment, Helios lightly kissed my flushed cheek.

“I’m sorry if I made it difficult.”

“Only in words?”

As I pretended to be sulking, he gently pulled my shoulder.

“I’m sorry… Once more.”

Again his lips swallowed my anxiety.

****

“Take your medicine.”

“I don’t have to take medicine.”

I waved my hand as I looked at the medicine bowl Mary held out.

Of course, Mary didn’t blink an eye whether I refused or not.

“The doctor said he was very sick. Come on and eat.”

… I knew it would be like this.

Even though I said it was just a nightmare, Helios called the doctor in the morning, checked my diet, and shivered.

When the doctor who finished the examination said that there was no  problem with my body, he said it was because he cared about unnecessary things and asked me to lie down without doing anything.

I guess I used up my emotions because of Escal and I felt weak.

“Come on and drink it. My arm hurts.”

At Mary’s torch, I was forced to take the medicine bowl and pour it down my throat.

Mary took the empty medicine bowl and smiled mischievously.

“You drink it all. Then I’ll go out, so take a rest.”

“Wait a minute. Is Escal in the room? Did he eat?”

“The butler brought in the meal earlier.”

“What is he doing now? If he’s not busy, tell him to come to my room…”

“Oh, no! If the Duke knows, I will be kicked out.”

Mary sighed and waved her hand.

As you can see, she heard a lot of scolding yesterday.

“I will take a look at him, so please rest in your room today. The weather is cold, so don’t think about going out.”

“Okay.”

Mary left the room after making a desperate request.

“Haah.”

I was thinking of going to Escal while Helios wasn’t there, but seeing the atmosphere, I was disappointed.

It seems that Helios is not comfortable with what happened yesterday, so it would be good for Escal to be careful for a while.

Feeling frustrated, I approached the window and opened the curtains wide.

“Wow.”

The garden was covered with snow that had fallen overnight, and the entire garden was white.

My body ached as I looked at the blanket of snow that had not been engraved with a single footprint.

It would be nice to make a snowman with Escal.

As I was looking out the window with full of regret, I heard a knocking sound.

It was Helios.

“Lena, what are you doing?”

“I was looking at the scenery outside because it was beautiful. You said you were busy, so why did you come?”

A look of sadness appeared at the thoughtless question and then disappeared.

Helios, who quickly hid his expression, carefully took my hand.

My hands were as cold as ice.

“I have something to show you. Let’s go out for a moment.”

“What do you want to show you?”

Instead of answering, Helios wrapped me in a thick overcoat and went outside.

“Where are we going?”

“You will know when you go in there.”

My cheeks were cold, I closed my mouth because I was afraid that I would not be able to see his eyes.

As soon as I left the house, a chill wrapped around me.

“Are you cold?”

Helios, quick-witted, took off his coat without hesitation.

“That’s Okay. You are cold too.”

“I’m okay.”

He slid his coat around my shoulders and walked away regardless of his thin shirt.

Helios stopped in the middle of the garden and looked back at me.

“Now close your eyes.”

“Why?”

What is this man trying to do?

“Hurry.”

At Helios’ urging, I had no choice but to close my eyes and he hugged me up.

“Hey, Helios!”

“Stay still. You must never open your eyes until I tell you to open it.”

“What are you going to do?”

“You will find out soon.”

What are you trying to show me?

I lifted my nerves and focused on the sound.

Step step step—

The sound of stepping on the snow continued lightly, but then suddenly stopped.

After walking for a while, Helios gently put me down.

Seeing that the wind that scratched my cheeks had subsided, it was as if I had entered the room.

“Now you can open your eyes.”

“……”

When I slowly lifted my eyelids, what I saw was a beautiful spring landscape in winter that made my eyes shiver.

Purple wisteria flowers were in full bloom inside the pentagonal pavilion covered with snow.

The sun shone dazzlingly through the blooming petals.

Is this spring season?

As I carefully touched the petals in a puzzled mind, the petals that touched my fingertips rustled and fell to the floor.

It was a fake flower made of paper.

“Did you do this?”

“You like it, wisteria flower. Do you like it?”

“How did you do all this…”

Somehow, my hands were too cold.

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut as I imagined him cutting and pasting so many petals by himself all day.

Helios did not know what to do and knelt before me on one knee.

“I promised. When the wisteria blossoms, I will formally propose to you.”

“…….”

“I thought it would be too late if I waited for the flowers to bloom.”

Helios smiled softly and took the ring out of his pocket and put it on my hand.

“Now I’m finally keeping my promise.”

“… Helios.”

“Thank you for being with me.”

The end of his speech, pretending to be calm, shook violently.

Helios said, kissing the ring reverently.

“I love you, Lena.”

“…..”

But I couldn’t answer.

Because that love wasn’t mine.