140 Words you've waited to hear

CHAPTER 47: Words you've waited to hear

Jos's eyes felt heavy and the jarring no matter how light was causing her to be nauseous. She struggled, but finally managed to get her eyes open. Dark tattoos poked out from beneath the V-neck of the stretched material of a black tee. Her eyes had barely registered the base of a well-maintained beard before it was coming closer to her face and firm but gentle lips were crashing against her mouth. She pressed her palm against the massive chest. "Arei?" She asked, her throat burned, and her words were raspy and broken.

"Yes, kitten. How are you feeling? Do you think you could stand getting into the water right now?" Arei asked, worry was written all over the lines of his face and the firmness of his hold on her; but his smile was warm.

Jos didn't have time to answer him as Raven rushed forward and began shooting off her own questions. She tried her best to answer but found three mere words were her limits. Raven had opened her bedroom door for them but hadn't come in... neither had anyone else.

Jos laid on the bed watching as Arei built the fire before returning to her side and sitting on the edge of the bed. He didn't say anything at first, instead, he simply brushed a few stray hairs from her face. Her eyes closed as the touch brought back memories. This had been something he did frequently, an act Ry had never done. She let out a heavy sigh. "Stop." She waited until his hand dropped from her face before she opened her eyes. He was still sitting on the bed, but his hand was rested against the sheets now.

They held each other's gazes for a long while before Arei finally decided to break the silence. "I'm sorry. The last 48 hours have been hell, on all of us."

Her eyes shot open as memories from the beach stormed back to her. "Russ?!" Her eyes shot around the empty room before finding his troubled gaze again.

Arei clasped her hand, "He's being checked out by the doctor as we speak. He was out for most of yesterday but woke up and is now fully healed. I'm sure he'll be in to see you soon." Arei released her hand and hooked his finger under her chin preventing her from being able to look away. "There are several people in this house who care about you, who love you. I promise my kiss won't be the last of the night, though you may not get as many quite as passionate... For that I apologize." He released her chin and ran his hand over his pulled back hair. "I'm not going to pretend seeing you like that yesterday didn't bring up some pretty intense emotions within me, but I want you to know right here, right now I'll never force myself on you past anything you're comfortable with. We will be spending an exurban amount of time together over the weeks to come, maybe longer. So hopefully you can at the very least call me friend."

His lips curved up in a smile. "I agree being your friend will surely test my will power, but I could make it through six straight months of your torture I'm sure this will be a walk in the park. Unless you're planning on doing other things to provoke me." He teased.

She shook her head as she felt her cheeks redden. "I can't believe you remember that..." Her words trailed off and her gaze held his more steadily, question heavy in her expression. "So those last six months were definitely all you? Exactly how much of my time was spent with you and how much of it was with Ry?"

Arei frowned. "I'd hoped by now you wouldn't even have to ask."

Jos tilted her head to one side. "I'm fairly sure but humor me."

Arei sighed, "Well it's a pretty long story." He pushed up from the bed and walked over to the seating area. He pulled one of the armchairs back over to face the bed. Sitting and leaning back, he crossed his legs at the ankles and tapped his index fingers together in thought. "Let's see, I guess starting from the beginning. The first time I met you, was in the bar the night before our actual meeting. You were in the middle of that bar and I walked right past you. Our eyes met and I held them for a moment but pushed any thought of you out of my head because of your 'age'. I was in horse form the entire next day, until you attacked me."

Jos's cheeks reddened. "But you shifted and spent the night with me?"

Arei nodded. "Ry was upset, and I couldn't be sure you would be safe with him. So I sent him back to the village. I'd planned on staying longer, but I got orders from the gods the very next day." He stroked his chin. "Come to think of it, there was an old man... He was probably a spy if not a god himself... anyways... It was some time before I was able to come back. The war lasted nearly two and a half years. The only time I was able to spend a good amount of time with you other than the last six months was-"

She cut him off with her own answer. "Six months before that? It was nearly a month?"

Arei nodded his head. "It was two, nearly three weeks." He held her gaze for a long while stroking his fingers over his short beard. "I realized when I returned, I'd somehow overstepped some line Ry had worked so hard to draw. That night I snuck up on you while you were swimming, I had no idea you'd taken on your current form. I'd expected that child still yet."

She snorted out a laugh. "I bet that had come as a surprise." Her laughter died off, "I hadn't started to question whether you and Ry were two separate people then. The possibility hadn't even crossed my mind. It wasn't until the day you were training me to shoot the bow, I began to question things." She shook her head. "It was at that point I knew, but I kept trying to convince myself there was no way." Her brows furrowed. "You told me so many times..." Her eyes were focused on the covers. She shook her head. "Your words were so cryptic, the Joslyn of then would have never caught onto what you were trying to say... but I do recall... especially what you'd said that day on Ithaca." Her brows pushed closer together, "Why didn't you just tell me the whole truth that day?"

Arei frowned. "You couldn't believe how many times I wondered that exact same question." He gave a sarcastic laugh. "You couldn't imagine how many times I've had to answer that exact question from Ry and your friends..." He sighed heavily. "I guess it all came down to fear of losing you, fear of causing you to lose even more freedom, fear of never being able to call you my own... What good it did me..." He pushed up from the chair and drug it back to the rest of the set. "Enough questions for tonight. You need to get some rest. I'll help you into the pool in the morning, if you'd like."

"It's not fair, what you're asking of me. You have to realize that, right?" Jos's soft whisper was barely heard over the crackle of the fire. She watched as the gigantic man stood, his broad shoulders going rigid. When he didn't turn or try saying anything, she continued. "I loved you so much... for so long. I haven't dated, haven't been intimate with a single person for over 500 years... until recently." Tears filled her eyes. "He may not be perfect." She laughed in spite of her own words. "He's hot tempered, demanding, impulsive... but you know the one thing he is that means the most to me? In all that passion, that rage... it's all honest. I never doubt the way he feels, what he's thinking, whether he's telling me the truth. It's all there written in every word, every action. He has never lied to me or kept important things from me, even when he knows it's something that may irritate or upset me."

Arei frowned, his gaze locked on the dancing flames. "I didn't ask to be force back into your life. I don't want to relive the pains of our past any more than you do. Like you, there hasn't been anyone else of meaning in my life either. I only ever lied by omission, every word that I ever spoke to you was the truth... every feeling, every emotion, all of it." He finally turned toward her; his features were set in stone but the vulnerability still reflected in the turbulence of his radiant eyes. Seeing her tired state, he forced a smile, "Get some rest, kitten. This is no time for a heated conversation."

Jos growled indigently, "You always do that." She rolled over facing away from him.

Arei walked over to the bed and stroked his hand over her hair. "And I always will. I'm not a boy, Jos. I'm a demi-god who has seen several millennia. I'll always be able to control my emotions with you. I'll never act out in rage because you're not giving me what I want. I've told you before, being with me wouldn't be without it's hardships, but know, no matter what cruel acts I have to perform for the Gods my hand would never turn toward you." He let his hand slip away from her head. "With that being said, I'm going to go figure out where the hell your fairy friend took off to with your water." He bent and kissed the top of her head. "I can't change my feelings for you. In truth I'm not even sure I want to anymore, but it will always be your choice as it always has been. I told you countless times, all you ever have to do is say the words and I'll leave. You need protection right now, and I'll not leave you vulnerable, but if my presents here causes you more harm than good I'll step back."

Tears streamed down Jos's cheeks, "I know you'll leave, whether it's what I want or not."

Arei sighed as he straightened. "Then it was you who lied to me." He didn't wait for her to say anything else. He turned and walked from the room, shutting the door gently behind him.

Jos couldn't help the tears that continued to stream down her cheeks. She heard the door open again and footsteps coming toward the bed, but she refused to turn around and greet her guests. She listened as a tray was set lightly on the table by the fire and smaller furry feet made their way closer. She wasn't surprised when she felt the shift in the bed or felt the press of a warm, furry body against her back.

"Jos, I know you're awake. If you want to talk about anything, I'm here... We're both here for ya." Raven whispered.

Jos couldn't hide any longer, another muffled cry broke loose, and she carefully rolled over to face Raven. She wrapped her arms around Shelly's warm body and buried her face in the wolf's soft fur. "I don't know what to do..." She sobbed into the wolf's fur. "I love Russ, but he's making it so hard... And all this with Arei... I don't know how I feel about him anymore..."

Raven let out a heavy sigh as she walked over and sat on the foot of the bed. "Maybe it would be best to give us the whole story this time?" Raven asked. "It seems like maybe there's some things you... left out... maybe things you didn't want to admit yourself?" Raven asked.

Jos shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Even if he can rationalize not telling me straight out or waiting half a millennium, I love Russ... Even if we can't stay together..." She tightened her grip around Shelly. "I just want to sleep right now. Can we talk in the morning."

Raven nodded her head. "Sure, if you want." She lifted from the bed and slowly made her way out of the room. "Tomorrow." She called from the door.